


Admission I thru IX (5/6)

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-09-30
Updated: 1999-09-30
Packaged: 2018-11-20 15:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 51,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Krycek gets caught in Mulder's apartment. Fight. (Sort of) Talk. (Kinda) Denial. (of course) Admission (hence the title) Sex. (naturally) Self Loathing. (you didn't expect the hearts and flowers right away, did you?)





	Admission I thru IX (5/6)

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Admission by Aries

"Mr. Mulder."

Fox jumped, startling himself and Alex awake.

"I'm sorry," the nurse whispered. "I hated to wake you, but..."

"I know," Fox interrupted her. "It's okay."

"The doctor does rounds very early, so I have to take his temp, blood pressure, and so forth."

Alex shifted, then lifted himself away from Fox's chest. He stretched, grimaced, then smiled sleepily down at his lover. "Morning."

Fox moved off of the bed, and helped Alex sit back against the pillows. He kissed the tip of the younger man's nose, then sat at the edge of the bed beside him. "How do you feel?"

"Okay. A little sore. I want to go home."

The nurse stepped forward with the thermometer. "Well, love, let's get this stuff out of the way then we'll see what the doctor has to say, hmm?" When she was through, she smiled and patted Alex's hand. "So far, so good. The doc should be in within a half hour or so, okay?"

"Okay."

After the door swished shut, Fox grasped Alex's hand, and brought it up to his lips. "Sleep okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Mmm hmm. Felt good."

"It'll feel better in our own bed. I'm serious, Fox, I want to go home *today*. If they don't release me, I'm going to sign myself out..."

Before Fox could answer, the door opened and Doctor Harrison walked in. "No need for that. Your admitting doctor is on in a few minutes, and I'm going recommend to him that you be released. Everything checks out fine, and I see no reason to keep you."

"Good."

"Take care, Mr. Krycek, and again, I apologize for last night. I'm just coming off of a double shift, and while I know it's no excuse, it is my reason."

"It's okay."a

The doctor nodded to Fox, then exited the room.

Alex squeezed Fox's hand, and breathed deeply. He released the breath, and grinned at his lover. "Home."

"Yep." Fox pulled his cell phone out and hit two. "........Scully. Yeah...he's good. Yes, I slept. We both did. Listen, he's going to be released today, so could you....yeah. Thanks. Okay, see you soon." Fox disconnected and tucked the phone back into his pocket. "She's going to get us a flight."

"Okay. God, I can't wait. I just want to get it all behind me."

Fox smiled softly. "Soon, baby."

'Soon' came a few hours later, when Alex was wheeled, griping and moaning, out of his room.

"I don't *need* a wheelchair."

"Yes, you *do*," the orderly countered. "Hospital rules."

"I feel like an idiot!"

Fox leaned over, pressing a kiss into Alex's hair. "I know, babe. I've ridden in plenty of these things, and I hate 'em too."

"Then tell them to let me walk out of here," Alex begged.

"I can't. It *is* the rule."

Scully smirked at her partner. "Now you know what *I* go through."

Fox smiled back. "Sorry, I'll never give you a hard time again."

"Oh, sure you won't."

Fox turned his attention back to Alex. "It's just down to the doors, babe. Two minutes, and we'll be on our way."

"All right, all right." Alex looked up at the orderly. "Hurry the hell up, would you?"

"Hey, man, what do you..."

"Al...Alex?"

Four heads turned in the direction of the frightened voice. Matthew sat in an identical chair, not more than eight feet away. Two women stood beside him, observing warily. The tiny shudder that passed through Alex's body, vibrated against the hand that Fox had laid on his shoulder. He stared at the young man, saying nothing.

"How...how are you?"

Alex's fingers tightened around the stems of the two roses that he'd pulled from one of the vases before they left. The muscle flexed in his jaw, but he said nothing.

"He's okay," Scully answered. "How about you? I see you're leaving too."

"Yeah...uh...this is my mother," he motioned to the older woman, then to the younger, "and this is my sister."

Scully nodded to the two women. "Glad to see that you've got family to go home to."

"Yeah. Well....um....Alex, I...I know you hate me and I don't blame you a bit." He looked to Fox. "Either of you...but I swear, I didn't mean to hurt you, Alex."

Alex glared at him, but remained in his chair. "Yeah...well...too little, too late, wouldn't you say? If you'd had any kind of backbone, you little wuss..."

"I know. I can't tell you how I wish I was like you. I really thought that sooner or later he'd break you." Matthew shook his head. "It was stupid to think that. You never wouldn't have given in. I admire you so much."

"Don't, okay? Don't admire me, don't think of me, just....don't."

"Listen, he just wants to apologize, for Christ's sake," the younger woman finally spoke up in defense of her brother.

"Look, sister..."

"Okay, hold on." Fox held his hand up, stepping between his group and Matthew's. "You've apologized. Whether or not Alex chooses to accept it, is his call. Just go home now, and try to put your life back together, and we'll do the same." He turned back to Alex who'd begun to brood again. "Come on, baby. Let's go home." Fox motioned to the orderly with a flick of his head and they moved on, leaving the next to the last tangible remnants of Alex's ordeal behind.

The ride to the airport was a relatively quiet one. Alex sat close to Fox in the back seat, head nestled against his lover's shoulder, allowing himself to be stroked and comforted. Fox murmured softly to him, occasionally receiving a one or two word response.

By the time they'd made it to the airport, things were pretty much the same. Alex's mood remained pensive, and until Fox could get him home where he could focus solely on him, it wasn't likely to change. All he could do was stick close and keep up as much physical contact as possible.

As they waited for their flight, Scully spoke softly to Fox.

"I didn't have time to tell you earlier, Mulder, but Skinner is also booked on this flight. He should be here any minute..."

"He's already here." The deep baritone turned two of the three heads to the right. "I was getting a magazine." Skinner observed the two men sitting side by side, one obviously in his own world. "He okay?"

Fox nodded, stroking the other's back. "Just a bit of a setback."

The corner of the AD's mouth crinkled, and he took a seat beside Scully. He wasn't seated any longer than two minutes when the flight was called, and the four boarded the plane.

Fox and Alex sat together, two rows up and across the aisle from Scully and Skinner. Alex slumped into his seat and stared out the window, seemingly a thousand miles away. A gentle hand at his cheek turned his face toward his concerned lover's.

"We'll be home very soon."

Alex's eyes dropped to the space between them.

"Aren't you happy about that?"

The younger man nodded.

"Alex..." Fox caressed his cheek tenderly, waiting for a response. When none was forthcoming, he eased Alex's head down onto his shoulder, and kissed he top of his head. "Rest, baby."

Alex closed his eyes and relaxed against his lover.

Home.

God, he wished he was there right now, in bed, burrowed under the covers...safe in Fox's arms...

Skinner's eyes kept wandering from his magazine to the couple in front. The sound of Scully's voice startled him, bringing him back to himself.

"Inconceivable, isn't it?"

"Good word for it."

"It may be impossible to believe right now, but you will get used to it. I never thought I would but now, it does my heart good to see them together." Scully regarded the two men huddled together. "They truly love each other, and really, sir, how can that be bad?"

"I don't know, Scully. This isn't just *any* man. This is Alex Krycek we're talking about, here."

"Yes, I know that. The same Alex Krycek who took care of Mulder when he was so sick...took him away for two months to recuperate...the same man who faced Mulder's mother down when she beat him into the ground over the news of their relationship...the man who makes him smile every day...turned him into a real person...this is the same man who went out and got Mulder a puppy, because he'd mentioned that he'd always wanted one as a boy. Sir...you only know Alex as one person, but to a very, very large extent, that man doesn't exist any more."

"What about the small extent?"

"Alex is fiercely protective of Mulder. He only reacts violently out of that sense of protectiveness...or self defense. He's a thoughtful, loving man, sir. And he's very good for Mulder. They're good for each *other*."

Skinner listened to her words, studying the men intently. "It's like a car accident, you know? It's grisly, but you just can't look away."

"*Grisly*, sir?"

"Sorry, that may be a bit harsh, but it was the best comparison I could come up with." He turned his face to her. "You're *really* sold on them, aren't you?"

Bright blue eyes zeroed in on deep brown. "One hundred and ten percent sold."

Skinner studied the sober face, then looked up ahead and said nothing more.

Langly stood at the terminal-length window, looking into the sky. "Plane should be landing soon."

"Uh-huh."

"Man, Frohike, you should've seen Mulder. He was like...*crazed*. Even Scully couldn't hold him back."

"Unfreakinbelievable. Three years later, man, I gotta say it still amazes me how tight they are. After all this time, it's *gotta* be more than good sex..."

The flight they'd been waiting for was called, and Frohike breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank God. I was glad to help but you know, I really don't like the way that dog looks at me..."

"Clyde? He's a great dog!"

Frohike shook his head. "Yeah...when there are other people around. When we're alone, it's a different story. He just sits there at night...staring at me. You ever see that movie...Devil Dog Hound of Hell? That's him."

"You're crazy."

"Think what you want. One night, *you* should watch him. I bet you'll say the same thing."

"Yeah...okay, Frohike...whatever...hey." Langly tapped his companion's arm. "Here they come."

Fox and Alex approached first, followed by Scully and Skinner.

"Hey, guys," Fox smiled at them. "Thanks for picking us up."

"No problem, man." Frohike eyed Alex cautiously. "Uh...hey, Krycek. How are you?"

"Okay...thanks for the flowers, guys. It was nice of you."

"No problemo."

"And thanks for helping..."

Frohike shrugged. "We're glad you're safe."

Alex gave a slight nod of his head, and looked down at the floor.

"Come on, babe," Fox nuzzled the side of Alex's head. "Let's go home."

The group walked out to the parking lot, then split up.

"Scully, I'll give you a lift if you like," Skinner spoke up as they approached Frohike's car. "I left my car here in the lot."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate that." Scully turned to her partner and his lover. "You two get some rest, okay?"

"We will. Scully, thank you again. And I apologize if I got out of line..."

"*If*?" Scully laughed softly. "It's okay, Mulder. I understand completely." She turned to the man who stood by his side. "Alex, I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay."

Scully stepped forward, wrapping her arms around him and planting a soft kiss on the lightly stubbled jaw. "Welcome home," she whispered.

"Thank you," Alex croaked, returning her embrace.

Skinner stepped forward, quickly glancing at Alex, then away. "Agent Mulder, I think a few days off would do you good."

"Yes, sir. I appreciate that."

"I don't want to see you until next Monday."

Fox nodded, then looked quickly to Scully. "Jeez, Scully, I just remembered."

"What?"

"You're leaving tomorrow to go to your brother's. You're going to be exhausted. One more reason for him to hate me...."

"I'm not going."

"Why not?"

"I just think I should hang out here..."

"Scully...I dont' want to be the cause of you missing yet another family get together."

"*You're* not..." Scully gave him an affectionate scowl. "Alex is." The other man gave her a quizzical stare. "I just wouldn't feel right, leaving so soon after he got home."

"Scully," Alex argued softly. "Don't stay here because of me. I'm fine..."

"Forget it, Krycek. I'm staying, and I don't want to hear another word about it."

Both men fell silent, knowing that once Dana Scully had her mind made up about something, it was damn near impossible to change it.

"Now, don't worry, I don't intend to hang around your house, I just want to be here in case you might need me. Now, go on. Get out of here."

The group split up, Scully leaving with the AD, and Fox and Alex with Langly and Frohike.

The two men slid into the back seat of Frhike's car, sitting close together. Fox kissed the side of his lover's head, and stroked his arm.

"How're you doing?"

"A little tired. Little sore."

"We'll be home in about twenty minutes."

Alex nodded, allowing himself to be pulled against Fox's chest. There he stayed, not speaking, not moving, until the car pulled up into their driveway.

"Baby...we're home."

Alex raised his head, staring silently up at the house. He moved slowly away from Fox, opening the door, and exiting the car. The older man swung his legs out onto the driveway, and levered himself up behind Alex.

"Sometimes," Alex began softly, "I was afraid..."

"Afraid of what?"

"Of never seeing this house again. Never seeing you pull up into the driveway after work...never taking Clyde for another walk..."

Fox wrapped an arm around Alex's waist and pulled him back into his warmth. "But you're here. You're home and it's all over. Come on. Let's go in."

"Alex! Hey, *Alex*!" The small boy ran up into the driveway. "I told my mother it was you. You're back!"

Alex managed a smile for his neighbor. "Yeah, Mitchell. I'm back. Thanks to you, I hear."

The boy looked hopefully up at Fox. "Really?"

"Really. If you hadn't seen that van, Mitchell, Alex might not be here right now. We both owe you a really big thank you."

"Wow."

"Listen, buddy, Alex is really tired. I need to get him into the house right now, so he can get some rest, okay?"

"Oh, yeah, sure! You go rest, Alex. I'm really glad you're back."

"Thanks, Mitchell. We'll see you later."

As soon as the boy was gone, Frohike tapped Fox's shoulder. "Listen, we're gonna take off now."

"Thanks, guys. I'll be in touch."

Their friends left, and Fox slipped an arm around Alex's waist, leading him up to the door. As he put the key in the lock, the sound of excited whines could be heard on the other side of the door.

"He knows it's you," Fox smiled as he turned the knob and pushed the door open.

Before Alex could take two steps inside, the dog was on him, washing his face with sloppy kisses.

"Clyde..."

"It's okay, Fox." Alex pushed the dog off, then squatted before he could leap up again. Clyde dropped to the floor in front of him, wiggling and howling with joy. Alex scratched the dog's chest and head. "I missed you too, pal. I promise, from now on I'll listen to anything you have to say."

Finally, he stood up and looked around. Fox watched as he began to drift about, followed closely by Clyde, occasionally straightening this and re-adjusting that. When he was satisfied that everything was again how he'd left it, he stopped. Feeling Fox's gaze on him, he turned around. Their eyes met and held for several seconds before Alex broke contact.

"I uh...I think I'll go take a shower...get out of these clothes.

Fox gave him an amused grin. "Don't care for Scully's choice of attire?"

Alex shrugged. "It's...they're not mine..."

Fox nodded, understanding that what Alex needed most right now was familiarity.

"Don't say anything to Scully, okay? I really appreciate that she took the time to go clothes shopping for me."

"She'd understand, but I won't tell her, okay?" Fox held his hand out to his lover. "Come on."

Alex took the outstretched hand and let Fox lead him through the bedroom and into the bathroom. "Want any help?" he asked, turning on the shower.

"No. Thanks, I'm okay."

"All right. Umm...I'll just...I'll leave you alone."

As Fox walked to the door, Alex's soft voice stopped him.

"Lisa..."

"Yeah?"

Alex walked to the older man and wrapped his arms around his waist, dropping his head onto his shoulder. Fox hugged Alex to him, and brushed his lips across the back of his neck.

"Go ahead. Go take your shower."

Alex pulled reluctantly from the warmth of his lover's arms, allowing him to leave the bathroom. Once Fox was gone, he undressed, tossing every scrap of clothing into a pile on the floor, then stepped under the spray, sighing as the water pounded into his flesh. He turned around, gritting his teeth as the spray stung his back. Enduring the discomfort, he washed as quickly as he could, then stepped out of the tub. He pulled the bathtowel off of the counter and began to dry himself. When he got to his back, he attempted to dry himself in the usual manner, but the pain of the cotton rubbing back and forth across the wounds stopped him. He finished drying the rest of his body, then inched the door open.

"Fox?"

No answer.

He called a little louder.

"Fox?"

Seconds later, Fox appeared in the hall. "Yeah? You okay?"

"Yeah, but...can you help me for a second?"

Fox moved into the room, backing Alex into the middle of the floor. "Sure. What do you need?"

"I can't dry my back right. The fricition of the towel..."

Fox moved closer, kissing the damp head. He took the towel from Alex's hands, and began to gently pat his back dry. That accomplished, he gathered up the clothes and the towel, and tossed them into the laundry basket.

"Thank you," Alex said quietly, wrapping another towel around his waist, and moving to the sink.

Fox stood behind him while he brushed his teeth, making small talk.

"Mrs. Mitchell was here a few minutes ago. She just came over to say that she was glad that you're back and you're okay."

Alex finished up, then turned to face his lover. "That was nice of her."

"Yeah, I thought so." Fox fell silent, observing the younger man. "What's the matter, baby?"

"Nothing, I'm just...I don't know why I'm so tired all the time."

"I do. You've been under a tremendous amount of stress. You know how exhausting that is."

"But it seems like all I've done lately is sleep."

"You can sleep, Alex, and not be at rest." Fox took his hand and led him into the bedroom. He pulled the light blanket and sheet back, then turned to face Alex. His hands rose to the towel, working it loose, then pulled the cotton sheet away.

Alex stood silently, allowing himself to be stripped of his only covering. He accepted a gentle kiss, then crawled into bed. He settled back against the mound of pillows, emitting an audible sigh as Fox drew the sheet up over his chest. The older man sat at the edge of the bed, tenderly caressing his forehead.

"Go to sleep, baby."

Alex's eyes drifted shut, then opened again. "Fox?"

"Hmm?"

"S...nothing."

"What?"

Alex shook his head. "It's stupid."

"What is?"

No response.

"Alex...tell me."

"Stay with me a while?"

"Of course I'll stay with you. What's so stupid about that?"

"I'm a big boy. I should be able to go to sleep by myself."

"But you don't *have* to. I'm here, and I'll stay here for as long as you want me to." Fox lifted Alex's hand to his lips. "You want me to be here when you wake up? I won't move."

Alex curled his fingers around Fox's hand and squeezed. "No...unless you're planning on taking a nap *with* me."

"That's sounds good, baby, but there are a few things that I need to take care of."

Alex nodded. "Just stay then until I fall asleep?"

Fox dropped a kiss on his lover's mouth. "Okay. Now, come on. Close your eyes."

Alex did as he was told, arching into his Fox's comforting touch...luxuriating in loving warmth until sleep came to take him.

Fox watched Alex's respiration slow, and even out. Saw the periodic flutter of his lashes cease, and knew he was finally asleep. He sat for long minutes afterward, listening to the soft exchange of air, contenting himself with the feel of his love's warm skin beneath his wandering fingertips. Reluctantly, he withdrew his hand, and rose to his feet. A wave of emotion crashed over him as he looked down at the man he so dearly loved.

So much pain in one brief lifetime.

Only over the last three years had Alex begun to feel like a real person worthy of a normal life, and now this.

Stalked and trapped. Beaten and caged like an animal. Having things done to his body so competely against his will...

It wasn't fair that the peace he'd finally found should be so cruelly torn from him.

Fox shook as rage crept in, mingling with the hurt. He needed something more to do. Someone to hurt as they'd hurt Alex, but that someone was dead. Beaten to death by his own hand, yet it wasn't enough. The son of a bitch died too easily. He needed to suffer. To be tortured...to have his heart torn out the way he'd tried to tear away Alex's soul...

Fucker got a hell of a surprise though, didn't he baby? He didn't know what he was getting himself into when he decided to mess with us.

Fox brushed his fingers through Alex's hair, needing to touch him one more time, before quietly leaving the room.

Alex's eyes snapped open and darted around the room. His heart pounded in his chest as confusion clouded his first waking moments. But reality began to take hold, and the fear faded and fell away.

Home.

He turned his face into his pillow, inhaling the familiar scent.

"I'm home," he whispered to himself, needing to say the words. To make it real. He shifted, pulling one of Fox's pillows to him, and lay his head on it. His eyes closed, and he listened to the chatter of the sparrows that always came around in the very late afternoon, looking for their last meal of the evening...

Damn.

Alex sat up and threw the sheet off. At the sound, a pair of ears rose above the mattress on the other side of the bed. Clyde pulled himself up on his haunches and watched as his master got out of bed and pulled some clothing out of his drawer and closet. Once dressed in his favorite faded jeans and a soft, comfortable t-shirt, Alex whistled softly to the dog, and walked out toward the kitchen.

As he got closer, the smell of something cooking reached his nose.

Couldn't be.

Best Fox could manage was scrambled eggs and the occasional steak.

Alex wondered for a brief moment if Fox might not have had something delievered, but as he came through the door, the sights accompanying the smells told him that he was bearing witness to some sort of miracle. There Fox stood, amongst a plethora of pots and pans, cookbooks and mixing bowls, and he was....cooking.

Food.

And it smelled *good*.

Okay, the kitchen looked like a bomb went off in it, but...

Fox turned, sensing Alex's presence. He smiled at the younger man, and laughed softly, noting the look of confusion.

"Dinner'll be ready in about half an hour."

"You....you're cooking."

"Yeah..."

"You don't cook."

Fox shrugged. "No better time to learn. Sorry, but you're my guinea pig."

"Oh, boy."

"How'd you sleep?"

"Fine, I guess."

"I checked in on you a couple of times, and you seemed to be pretty well out of it....shit!" He spun quickly back to the stove, turning the flame down on a boiling kettle.

"Let me help you, lisa..." Alex moved toward the stove, but Fox caught him by the shoulders and turned him around.

"No, you don't. Go do...something....I'll be fine."

"You sure?" Alex asked, eyebrows drawn together, prematurely mourning the destruction of his kitchen.

"Positive. Now get out of here. You're distracting me." Fox kissed the back of Alex's head and returned to work.

"Okay, well, I was going to go out and fill the feeders, anyway."

"Oh yeah, they must be wondering what the hell happened to the food."

Alex picked up the bucket he kept the seed mix in, and opened up the back door. He allowed to Clyde to bound out ahead of him, then he turned, meeting Fox's gaze. He offered a crooked smile, immediately receiving a similar response. He closed the door behind him, and walked out into the yard.

The sun hung very low in the sky, painting the clouds with several different shades of burgundy and pink. Alex stood at the door, drinking in the beauty of the moment. He thought to call Fox out to see, but considered the consequences of him leaving things cooking on the stove, and decided against it.

When he'd seen enough, Alex set about the task of filling the four feeders. Clyde wandered the span of the large yard sniffing under bushes, yapping at the occasional low-flying bird, but always vigilant, watching Alex's every move.

Alex filled the last feeder, then looked around the yard. He turned in a slow arc, looking at the fences, searching...

Done.

Damn, and it looked good.

Unbelievable.

Better get Alex before it gets cold...or hard...or something...

Fox opened the door and looked out into the yard. He scanned the area, becoming a bit worried when he didn't see Alex right away. But he remembered that Clyde was with him, and relaxed. He stepped outside and began walking to the far end of the yard.

"Alex....hey....Alex?"

Alex emerged from a large group of hydrangeas, violently shoving the branches aside as he did.

"What the heck are you doing?" Fox's smiled faded when he saw the look in Alex's eyes. "Baby...what is it? What's wrong?"

Alex's head snapped from left to right, then front, focusing on the other man. "I don't...how did they get in here without me knowing? Where did they come from?"

Before Fox could answer, Alex was striding toward the other end of the yard. The older man followed at a safe distance, allowing his lover much headway. Alex opened and closed the wooden gate, checking for squeaks.

"Why didn't I hear them? Yeah, I had the hose on, but *still*..."

"I don't know, Alex," Fox said calmly. "It doesn't matter any more. It's over."

"It *does* matter. I let some fucking amateurs get the drop on me. How the *hell* did that happen? What's happened to me?" He answered his own question. "My instincts...my senses have gone to hell. This *never* would have happened three years ago."

"No, probably not. But your life is much different now than it was then. You've got no reason to be so defensive. Your guard has come down..."

"Yeah, and look what it got me. The rewards of soft living...beautiful..."

Fox's eyes fell away from Alex's face.

The anger was coming out. He knew it would. He didn't know how or what, he only knew that it would happen, and that it wouldn't be pretty.

"...I was....*caged*, for Christ's sake..." He began to pace. "....and restrained....he...*touched* me, that fucking son of a bitch...and his words....the things he said made me sicker than his touch. And I couldn't do anything, I couldn't....I killed a lot of them...I used every opportunity I had, but it was him....it was him I wanted and I couldn't....he drugged me, did you know that?"

"I know..."

"And all this shit happened, why? Because I've gone fucking soft."

"Alex...." Fox approached slowly. "You haven't gone soft. It's just that...your lifestyle has changed...for the better, I thought..."

"Oh, yeah, better," Alex ranted blindly, "being beaten and shackled to a bed for a few days is definitely better." He laughed harshly. "Well, hey...at least I got my cock sucked, right? That's something. The kid wasn't great, but apparently he was good enough to make me come down his throat, so it wasn't a total loss, I guess..."

Fox flinched and closed his eyes.

Alex turned around and fell onto the ground. He sat with his back to his lover, his fingers raking again and again through his hair. A few minutes went by before his hand stopped and his body began to rock back and forth.

"Jesus...oh, Jesus.....Fox..."

No answer.

Alex pivoted, looking around the yard. Only Clyde remained, lying a few feet away, looking anxiously from Alex to the kitchen door. Alex turned back, burying his face in trembling hands. He sat that way until the sun had completely disappeared, then rose and walked into the house.

All was quiet.

Alex walked through the kitchen, noting that all the pans and bowls were covered and the room was semi-clean. He made his way through the house, finally finding Fox sitting in the dining room, staring down into an empty glass. He stood silently in the doorway, not knowing what to say. The table had been completely set. Flowers, taper candles now burned to half their original length. China...silver...wine...

Alex spoke Fox's name, barely above a hoarse whisper.

Fox rose from the table and walked toward the door. "Are you hungry now? I'll reheat everything. I don't know how good it's going to be..."

"Lisa...I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You needed to get it out."

"I hurt you...I didn't mean to."

"It's all right, Alex. Don't worry about it." Fox tried to move past Alex, but he wouldn't allow it.

"I love you, Fox, and I love our life. I wouldn't trade my life with you for anything in the world. I was just...I was lashing out." His eyes glazed over with unshed tears. "I owe you my life, and look what I'm doing to you..."

"You don't owe me anything," Fox said, eyes downcast.

"Lisa," Alex choked. "Please...I love you. I can't tell you how grateful I am to be home. Every minute of every day, I prayed for this." He stepped forward, wrapping his arms around his lover's neck, and burying his face in his shoulder "Please believe me..."

Fox felt Alex struggling to hold himself together. The warm dampness spreading down the front of his shirt told him that the distraut man had quickly lost that battle. He wound his arms around Alex and cried with him.

When the quiet sobs had finished, they remained clinging to each other.

"I believe you," Fox whispered into Alex's hair. "It was a terrible thing that happened to you, and no matter how I reacted a little while ago, I do understand. Promise me you'll say and do whatever you feel, okay? You need to get it all out. It's important that you do."

"I can't feel better if I hurt you."

"This isn't about me."

"It happened to you too. I know you, Fox, and I know how crazy this made you. You're probably every bit as stressed as I am, even if it's in a little different way. At least I've slept. You've had no real rest to speak of. Yet here you are taking care of me, cooking for me...and look what I'm doing."

"Alex, it would have been far worse if you'd kept it inside and let it fester. I should...I should have been better prepared. By turning away, I made you feel that it was wrong for you to let it out, and I'm sorry. You did exactly the right thing. Please don't feel bad about that. Let go of the guilt. If you hold on to it, it's going to be much harder for you to heal."

"I can't not think about your feelings, lisa."

I know that. But I'll be all right. In my heart I knew that you didn't really mean what you were saying. I knew you just needed to blow off some steam. I shouldn't have let it get to me. Guess my emotions are still pretty raw, too."

Alex rested his cheek against the other man's shoulder. "I know how wild I would have been if our situations were reversed and it was you who were missing. And I think I'd be pretty exhausted right now. Why don't you sit down and relax, and let me go see if dinner can be saved..."

"No. No, no. Listen, baby. You said you couldn't not worry about my feelings, right? Well right now, nothing would make me feel better than taking care of you. As determined as I was to find you, and though I'd never say it, the thought that I may never see you again was always in the back of my mind, and it terrified me." Fox hugged the younger man gently, ever-mindful of the sensitivity of his back. "I've got you back, and all I want to do is touch you and kiss you and show you how much I love you."

Alex tightened his arms around Fox, pressing himself closer. Fox scattered a number of tiny kisses in his hair.

"Let me baby you for just a little while, okay?"

Alex raised his head, meeting his lover's eye. Fox smiled softly at him, brushing at the dampness on his cheek with the back of his hand. Alex covered the hand with his own, holding it against his skin.

"I love you."

"Was that a yes?"

"Can I ever say no to you?"

Fox leaned in and kissed the side of Alex's mouth. He drew back slightly, then moved in again, planting another soft kiss on his chin. Then his cheek...

Alex's eyes drfted shut and he took in a deep breath. His lips parted slightly to release it, and found Fox's tongue slipping between them. He groaned softly, opening his mouth, allowing his lover further exploration.

Fox immediately took Alex up on his offer, stroking his tongue over the smooth, hard surface of his teeth, and the soft walls of his mouth, before making contact with it's mate.

Alex's hands wandered over Fox's back and shoulders as the older man's fingers tangled in his hair, holding his head still, and their tongues slithered and twisted around each other in blissful reunion. Alex's jeans became more and more uncomfortable as his cock swelled within the denim, begging for release. He writhed against Fox, whimpering into his mouth, but the older man pulled away. Alex stood in silent frustration as Fox took both of his hands and raised them to his lips.

"Sit down and relax," he said softly. "I'm going to go see what I can do about salvaging our dinner."

Relax? Is he fucking kidding?

Alex kept his thoughts to himself, and sat at the table, shifting several times before he found a not-so-uncomfortable position.

Fox smiled down at him. "Be back in a few."

When he was gone, Alex bowed his head.

"God."

He raised his head and looked over a the wine bottle. He pulled it out of the ice bucket, wiped the water away, and held the icy coolness against his crotch. A few minutes later, the cold had saturated through the worn material enough to bring him some relief. He replaced the bottle, then leaned his head back against the chair and closed his eyes. Sometime later, a soft tickling sensation on his lips brought him to full consciousness. His eyes opened to find Fox tracing the outline of his mouth with the tip of his tongue. He moaned as his cock leapt to attention.

"Dinner is served."

Alex pulled himself upright, his frustration temporarily put aside as his stomach rumbled in response to the aromas wafting up from the table.

"Smells as good as it did earlier." He smirked at his lover. "Of course, I'm *starving* now..."

"Try it, wiseass." Fox took his place across from Alex and waited for him to have the first taste. "Well?" The pleasantly surprised expression told him what he wanted to know.

Alex swallowed the first bite and dug in for another. "You got no more excuses, baby. This is great."

"Do you really think so? Or are you just saying that to make me feel good?"

"Would I lie to you and purposely open myself up to more culinary torture? Of course, not. It really is good." Alex glanced down into his plate. "Sorry we didn't get to eat it when it was hot the first time."

Fox shrugged. "Sometimes stuff tastes better reheated."

The two men ate in silence, genuinely enjoying the meal. When they were finished, Fox slumped against the back of his chair, staring at Alex. The younger man immediately felt that familiar warmth spread through his body, and his gaze fell away from his lover's face.

"So....dessert?"

Alex shook his head. "I'm stuffed."

"Okay, well..." Fox pushed away from the table. "...I'll just clean this up..."

Alex rose as well, beginning to gather the dishes.

"What are you doing?"

"Helping you clear the table?"

"Didn't we settle this?"

"Fox, come on..."

"Out."

"But it'll be done faster if I help you."

Fox suppressed a smirk. "What's the big rush?"

Alex approached, rubbing his head against Fox's cheek. "We haven't really spent any time together since we got home."

"Oh. Well....be that as it may, I want you to turn around and take your pretty ass into the living room..." he tapped the underside of Alex's chin with one finger, "...or the bedroom....and I'll be with you soon."

Alex let out an audible sigh. "Just hurry up, okay?"

Fox pressed a hand to his ass and pulled him forward, then rocked their hips back and forth. His mouth swept down for a long, thorough kiss. When he pulled away, they were both breathing a little heavier. "I will. Now go on."

Alex trudged out of the dining room and into the bedroom where he flopped down on the bed, reaching for the remote, and gathering a couple of pillows under his chest. He turned the televison on, restlessly flipping through channel after channel. Three times around, he gave up and settled on yet another in an endless stream of 'buddy' comedies, laden with tired jokes, sexual inudendo and canned laughter.

"Jesus, who keeps thinking this crap up?"

Fifteen minutes into the program, Alex's eyes began to close. He shook his head, trying to ward off his body's attempt at shutting down, but to no avail. Minutes later, he was sound asleep.

"Hmm?"

"Shh."

Alex shifted, still more than half asleep. He lay limply while his t-shirt was gently pulled from his body. He felt the pressure of the button on his jeans being pulled at, then felt the soft grind of the zipper being pulled down. From somewhere above his head, his love's soft montone sounded.

"Help me out here, baby."

He lifted his hips just far enough off the mattress so that Fox could work them down and off. When he'd been stripped naked, he turned onto his side, again drifting toward sleep. A brief time later, he felt the warmth of Fox's body pressed against his back. Instinctively, he pushed back, wedging the solid length of Fox's erection against his ass. The whispering moan that came from behind encouraged a small, teasing wiggle, and then Fox's arms were wrapping around him.

Gently, Fox caressed his lover's chest and arms, kissing the sensitive skin at the back of his neck, and tickling the fine hairs there with the tip of his tongue.

"Mmmmm." Alex's left hand rose to stroke the leg that had draped itself over his hip, but it was stopped by Fox's hand and returned to its resting place on the mattress in front of his chest. His head turned and his eyes began to open. Before he could question or protest, Fox's lips grazed his ear, and he whispered into it.

"Relax, baby. Just lie still, close your eyes, and let me take care of you."

The sable lashes swept downward again, and Alex turned his head back into the pillow.

"That's good..." Fox's tongue passed once over his ear before he moved to his shoulder, dropping tender kisses along the way. His hand crept up and down Alex's chest, stopping to play for a moment in the light scattering of dark hairs before moving to one already tight nipple. He circled it gently with the tips of his fingers, and heard the soft gasp. He nuzzled the back of Alex's head, then kissed his neck and shoulders while still teasing the nipple.

Pretty well awake now, Alex whimpered into the pillow.

Ohhhhhh, God....

Maybe it was the joy of being back home. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn't actually made love with Fox for almost five days. Could have been the relief of Fox still wanting him like this after what had happened. He didn't know. But Jesus, the sensations were incredible. The hospital was wonderful. God knows he really needed that, but this was different. They were home. Naked together in their own bed, Fox wrapped around him, loving him so sweetly. Life was good again.

Alex twisted and groaned as Fox's tongue flattened against the skin on the back of his neck, and he gently licked the entire area. He knew that patch of skin was sensitive to his touch, and he milked it for all it was worth, reveling in his lover's soft sounds of pleasure. His hand left Alex's nipple and traveled downward, lightly skimming the heated surface of skin and contracting muscle. As his hand approached the twitching cock, it veered left, stroking down Alex's thigh, then back up. He felt the younger man's body tighten, and he ceased movement.

"Are you okay?"

The concerned tone in Fox's voice filtered through the fog in Alex's brain, and he responded, nodding slowly. "Okay...please, Fox," he sighed into the pillow, "please...touch....touch me."

Fox moved his hand downward, covering and lightly caressing Alex's cock with the palm of his hand. "Like this?"

"*Yes*. Oh God, Fox, like that." Alex tried to open his eyes. He wanted to look at Fox...to get lost in his eyes, but it felt as though someone had weighted his eyelids. "I love you so much. So....much...."

Fox wrapped his hand around Alex's cock, loving the feel of velvet-sheathed steel in his palm. Alex's head fell back against his shoulder and a long gasp tumbled from his lips. Fox merely held him, refusing to move his hand, even as Alex begged him to proceed.

"Soon, baby, but not yet. Just relax and enjoy the feel of my hand around you." Fox's thumb moved ever so slightly in an up and down motion. He teased the interior of Alex's ear with the tip of his tongue. "Doesn't that feel good?"

Alex whimpered and nodded his head.

"Yeah....who do you belong to, Alexei?"

A choked cry escaped Alex's throat, then he answered.

"You."

"That's right," Fox rasped into his ear, and gently squeezed his cock for emphasis. "*All* of you." Fox released the throbbing shaft and wrapped his arm around Alex's chest. "Mine. This body belongs to me...your mind...every thought, every idea revolves around me..."

In another time and place, Alex would have given him a hard time about that statement, citing an ego as big as all outdoors, but he was in no condition, and besides, fuck it all, it was true.

"...your heart and your soul..."

"Yours."

Fox rolled away from Alex briefly, leaving the younger man drowning in frustration until he returned only seconds later. He worked his arm under Alex, wrapping it around his chest and pulling him securely against his body. He then slipped the lubed fingers of his free hand between the muscles of Alex's ass, stroking and gently probing the tightly clenched ring of muscle.

"Don't you want me inside you, baby?"

"You know...know I do..."

Fox kissed his shoulder. "But you're so tight."

"I'm sorry. I can't...can't relax."

"Why not?"

"Your fault."

"Mine?"

Alex nodded. "You did...did this to...me..."

"What did I do?"

"Drove me crazy...can't stop...stop shaking..."

"But baby," Fox nipped at the skin on the side of Alex's neck, "don't you want to feel my cock deep inside you?"

"Oh, God, *yes*. Please, Fox, please... right now."

"You're too tight. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me. Please...*please*."

"Jesus Christ, Alex, you're so beautiful when you're desperate." Unable to wait any more, Fox grasped his cock by the base and worked it slowly to the contstricing opening. "Tell me if it hurts too much."

Inch by painstaking inch Fox thrust inside, pausing often to allow them both a little time before continuing. When he was finally, completely buried inside his lover, he stopped again, gasping for breath. "Don't move," he whispered urgently, "don't...God, don't move."

Alex lay perfectly still, afraid to speak or even breathe. His mind and his body were screaming for release, but at the same time, he wanted to...he *needed* to feel his Fox thrusting into him; possessing him. He needed to be shown that even after all the talking, all the assurances, Fox truly *wanted* him.

Fox struggled to regulate his breathing, and calm the erratic pounding of his heart. As he began to settle down, he nuzzled the back of Alex's head, then slipped his hand under the younger man's cheek.

"Baby."

Alex fought to open his eyes as Fox turned his face away from the pillow.

Fox stroked the stubbled cheek, waiting. When the sea of glittering green focused on his face, he moved in for a long, tender kiss. As his tongue explored the dark recesses of Alex's mouth, his hand dropped down to his lover's cock, stroking and teasing him back to that state of insanity he'd just brought him down from. In response, Alex began to rock frantically against him, but was immediately stopped by a simple 'no' mumbled against his mouth.

"Fox..."

"Are you ready?" Fox circled the flared head with his thumb.

"*Yes.* Please, lisa."

"All right. Easy, now. Relax, and I'll do it all." His mouth covered Alex's once more, and he began to move, using long, agonizingly slow strokes.

Alex lay still, moaning into Fox's mouth, allowing himself to be made love to. The pressure mounted slowly, rising to an intolerable level, as Fox picked up the pace just a bit. He refused to move any faster, though both bodies begged him to bring them to a quick, and furious finish.

Not this time. Not tonight.

"My beautiful, beautiful baby," he moaned against Alex's mouth, "you feel so good, so....let it go, Alexei. Come for me..."

An electrical surge shot through Alex. Fox's words always had as much of an effect on him as what he was doing to him physically.

"God...oh, sh....*Fox*..."

"That's it," Fox panted, pumping Alex's cock in time to his thrusts. "I want to hear you. Let me know how good it feels..."

The moment took Alex over, not in a blinding, violent crash of thunder and lightning, but rather in a slow but very intense rumble that rolled through him again and again, shaking his body to its very core. His body tightened around Fox, forcing him to join him in the abyss.

Through his own blinding pleasure, Fox tried to give Alex every bit of satisfaction he could. He worked the twitching man's cock steadily, even as his body began to give out and, he collapsed against Alex's back.When the cries of both men faded into soft whimpers, Fox ceased the movement of his hand, and released his lover's now depleted cock. He started to move away, but Alex's soft plea stopped him.

"Please don't," the younger man breathed softly. "Don't move. I want to fall asleep with you inside me."

Fox wrapped both arms around him, and kissed his neck and face. He pressed closer, pushing his softening cock deeper into his exhausted lover.

"So good," he whispered into Alex's ear.

The other man virtually purred with contentment and curled into Fox's warmth. He murmured something into the pillow that sounded like it might have been 'I love you', but Fox was too far gone to hear or respond. Minutes later, the room was silent except for the soft sounds made by two deeply satisfied men, asleep.

Alex burrowed into the pillows, listening to the crash of the rain on the roof and windows. He blinked sluggishly and opened his eyes.

Dark, but not nighttime dark.

Faint rumble of thunder.

He loved rainstorms. Nothing he enjoyed more than cuddling safe and warm in bed with Fox, while the elements raged outside.

Fox.

Alex hadn't yet turned around, but he knew that his lover wasn't in bed with him.

He pulled himself up, and glanced down at the clock, frowning.

Eleven-twelve.

Damn, he'd slept a long time. Fox should have been sleeping, too. Just as he was about to go off in search of him, the door opened and Fox entered. He gave Alex a brilliant smile.

"I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all afternoon, too."

"How long have you been up?"

"Little while."

"What's a little while?"

"Two hours, maybe."

Alex tossed a hurt pout his way. "Why didn't you stay in bed with me?"

"Because," Fox explained, approaching the bed and dropping down beside his lover, "I thought it might be nice to have some breakfast when you got up. And since I didn't know when that was..."

"I can't believe I slept so long."

"You needed it. How do you feel?"

Alex smiled in his direction. "Pretty good."

Fox inched closer, murmuring, "Can you still feel me?"

The thick eyelashes drooped at the question. "Yeah," he whispered.

"I woke up for a few minutes at around two, and we were still in the exact same position."

Alex laughed softly. "Did you pull out?"

"Hell no. I just went back to sleep. We must have separated sometime after that."

Alex's hand slid across the short distance, his index and middle fingers skimming across Fox's lower lip. "You weren't uncomfortable after all that time?"

With a flick of his head, Fox caught the fingers between his lips, stroking his tongue over them. He released them, giving Alex one of those patented smoldering stares that turned the younger man's insides to hot liquid. "How could I be uncomfortable?" He crept closer, working a hand under the sheet. "There's no more comfortable place in the world for me to be than in this sweet ass." Fox stroked the firm muscle.

Alex squirmed under his touch. "Uh...didn't you say something about breakfast?"

"Mmm hmm. I'm about to have mine..."

"What are you...oh, God...." Alex's hands clenched in the pillow, as Fox slipped beneath the sheet and unceremoniously sucked his hardening cock into his mouth. "Fox," his head rolled restlessly from side to side, "oh, my....oh, *shit*."

Fox cupped Alex's ass gently, sucking and lapping at the rigid shaft, his head moving forward and back, driving his lover quickly toward a violent erruption.

Alex turned his face into the pillow then away, letting his hoarse cries echo through the room ad he emptied himself into his lover's mouth.

When Fox had milked Alex of every last drop, he released his cock then slid up to kiss him. "Best breakfast I've had in ages...uh...your French toast not withstanding..."

Alex laughed weakly. "Gee, thanks."

"You getting up, now?"

"After what you just did to me? I know I've got some pretty amazing recuperative powers, but..."

"I *meant*, are you getting out of *bed*?"

"Oh." Alex smirked at him. "I guess so." He moaned into Fox's mouth as the older man kissed him again, and yet again.

Fox pulled away and looked down at the younger man, eyes sparkling. "Now. About breakfast...if you want to stay here, I'll bring it to you."

"Ah. I'm still being pampered?"

"Yes, you are. Any objections?"

"No, but *you* might have some soon. Keep this up and you're liable to turn me into a spoiled monster."

"I'll risk it."

Alex smiled at his lover. "That's sweet, but..." he sat up and stretched. "I really gotta get up."

"Okay. Well, let me go get it going." Fox swung off the bed and headed for the door. "Call when you want me to come dry your back."

Before Alex could answer, he was gone. The man left behind rolled to his feet and wandered into the bathroom, wearing a soft, satisfied smile.

END...

Feedback: Yes, please. You can reach me at 

 

* * *

 

The Best Laid Plans  
Part Five

* * *

"Hello?"

"Hey. How's the patient?"

Fox smiled into the phone. "Pretty good, I think. Last night was a little rough but things are better now."

"What happened? Can you talk about it?"

"Yeah, he's in the shower. Mm...he was a little uneasy at first. Walked around moving things. You know, stuff that was out of place, I guess..."

"Well, you know what *that's* all about..."

"I know. Anyway, he had a shower and I put him to bed, and he seemed to relax a bit, though he didn't want me to leave him until he went to sleep. I went and got ready to start dinner, and he came out a couple of hours later. He smiled and joked with me about cooking, and he seemed in a much better state of mind. He went outside to fill the bird feeders...I finished cooking, and went out to call him. In that little bit of time, he'd done a complete turn around. He was pacing around, checking the perimeter of the yard, searching the bushes and the fences, looking for the way the men who took him could have gotten into the yard. The fact that someone got in here and nabbed him was really eating at him."

"He's feeling vulnerable."

"Yeah, and he had no idea what to do with the way he felt about it, so he just...he lashed out."

"And since there was no one else around to bear the brunt of it..."

"You got it. I caught it full force."

"Aww, Mulder..."

"I'm so pissed with myself, Scully. I reacted all wrong."

"What'd you do, get into it with him?"

"No. In some respects, that may have been better. My guard was down. I let myself get hurt..."

"Did he slug you?"

Fox emitted a short laugh. "No, not that kind of hurt."

"Oh."

"He said a bunch of stuff I *knew* he'd regret as soon as he calmed down, but I let it get to me anyway. I left him out there in the yard and came inside. I brooded in the dining room while he brooded outside. He came in a while later, feeling just like I knew he would, apologizing, telling me he didn't mean any of what he said. He was so upset. We talked it out, made up and had dinner. The rest of the night went fine. This morning, no problems...I'd be stupid to think that it'll be smooth from here on out, but the worst of it *may* be over...I thought it might have taken him a little longer to get the anger out, but...wait, hang on...okay, coming..." Fox moved toward the bathroom, phone between his shoulder and ear. "You want to say hi to him?"

"Thought he was in the shower?"

"He was. I'm on my way to dry his back. Those damn welts and that cut are still a bit tender...here, talk to Scully."

Fox handed the phone to Alex, and took the towel from him.

"Hi, Scully."

"Hi! You sound a lot more chipper today."

"Yeah, well, amazing what a good....uh...night's sleep'll do for you." He cut his eyes in the direction of the muffled snicker.

"I'm glad you're feeling better. Is there anything you guys need?"

"No, I don't....Fox, Scully wants to know if there's anything we need...he said no, but thanks for asking. You know, Scully, you really should go to your brother's."

"There'll be other visits, Alex. This was some serious stuff that went on here. I wouldn't be comfortable the whole time I was away."

"What, do you think something's going to happen?"

"No," she answered too quickly, "not at all. It's just for my own peace of mind, okay? Humor me."

"Yeah...uh...here's Fox. Thanks again, Scully."

Fox noted the troubled expression on his lover's face as he exchanged the towel for the phone. He kissed the younger man's shoulder and moved toward the door. "Breakfast in five minutes, okay?"

Alex nodded and went in to get dressed. The minute he was gone, Fox spun out of the doorway and moved through the hall.

"He's got that look again, Scully. What'd I miss?"

"I'm sorry, Mulder. I think he thinks I'm staying because I'm afraid of something happening."

"Are you?"

"He *could* go off the deep end. I just want to be around in case you need some backup."

"Backup? Scully, this isn't a warehouse drug bust."

"I know that. Okay, maybe backup wasn't the right word. How about support?"

Fox sighed into the phone. "I appreciate your concern but I really think the worst of it came yesterday."

"Sounds like you may be right, but I'm still going to pass on Bill's this time."

"Did you tell him you weren't coming?"

"Yeah."

"What excuse did you give him?"

"I told him the truth...well, you know, as much of it as he needed to know."

"Just when he thought he couldn't loathe me any more..."

"Bill will get over it. And if he doesn't, it's his problem. You and Alex are my extended family. I'll be here if you need me, just like I'd be there if *he* needed me."

"What about your mother? Is she very upset?"

"She's disappointed, but she understands. She said to give you both her best."

Silence.

"Now, are you sure there's nothing you need?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, think about it and give me a call if you think of something."

"Thank you, Scully."

"No problem. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay. Bye."

Fox hung up and pulled two dishes down from the cupboard. Minutes later, Alex entered the kitchen and stood quietly by while Fox placed the full plates on the table.

"She thinks I'm gonna flip out on you, doesn't she?"

Fox paused in the middle of pouring a glass of orange juice. "Why do you say that?"

"Just the impression I got."

Fox motioned to Alex to sit. "She's just concerned."

"I feel much better," Alex protested mildly

"I told her that." Fox pulled out a chair and sat down. "What can I say? Scully's Scully and she's not going to stop worrying just because you or I tell her she should. Come on, let's eat before it gets cold."

The rain had stopped, and after breakfast, Alex suggested taking Clyde out for a walk.

"Yeah?" Fox smiled his approval. "Sure, if you're up to it."

"Yeah, I need to get some excercise."

"Great. Let's go."

Alex called to the dog who was lying a short distance away. "Hey, Clyde. Wanna go for a walk?"

Clyde's head lifted and tilted from side to side.

"Well?"

Clyde jumped up and bounded over to retrieve his leash, wiggling and twisting while Alex tried to attach it to his collar.

"Dog, would you *please* stand still?"

Fox stood leaning against the doorframe, arms folded across his chest, an amused grin on his face. "He'll calm down when he gets older," he mimicked Alex's voice, throwing the words he'd said a thousand times, back at him.

"Come on, he's better than he used to be."

"Yeah. Right. Whatever you say. Let's go."

The excercise had begun to do its job. Alex was starting to relax. Conversation picked up and an easy smile now curved his mouth. Being approached with greetings and good wishes from at least four of the neighbors helped.

"How do all these people know?" Alex asked when the last well wisher crossed back over into her own yard.

"I questioned all of them," Fox answered. "I'm surprised they're all still talking to me."

"Questioned or interrogated?"

"Let's just say I'm surprised that that they haven't come for me yet with pitchforks and torches."

"God, Fox..."

Fox shrugged. "I may have been a little overzealous, but I was desperate."

"Well," Alex drew his knuckles down his lover's arm, "maybe they understand that."

They finished their walk and spent the rest of the day, and in fact the next couple of days, doing not much of anything at all. Alex seemed in good humor most of the time, only occasionally falling into a pensive mood, but snapping out of it quickly under Fox's loving attention.

Tonight, after Fox wore them both out, Alex propped himself against the pillows, turning the t.v. on, and flipping idly through the channels. His lover lay sprawled across his thighs, slowly and thoroughly licking his cock clean. Alex lovingly combed his fingers through Fox's golden brown hair with his free hand while he continued to search for something worth watching. Finally, a prison riot caught his eye and he stopped, dropping the remote to the mattress. His eyes shifted down to Fox, joyfully immersed in his task, eyes closed, outrageously talented tongue executing long, gentle strokes over his cock. The sight sent a twinge through his lower regions.

Oh, God.

"Hey."

Fox rested his cheek on top of his lover's cock. Golden brown lashes swept upward and a soft green-gray gaze fell on Alex's face.

Alex opened his mouth to speak, but words failed him as he looked down at his beautiful Fox.

The eyes stared intently for a while, then closed as Fox nuzzled him gently. A single kiss bestowed on the tip of Alex's exhausted cock, and he slid up, manuevering himself behind his lover, pulling him back against his chest and wrapping his arms around him.

Alex rested his head back against Fox's shoulder, allowing the other man to string a trail of kisses along his cheek and jaw.

"Have I told you today that I love you?"

Fox laughed softly in his ear. "You were just screaming it about twenty minutes ago."

"Oh. Was I?"

"Yeah....what the hell are we watching?"

"Beats me. Something on one of the pay channels. I just stopped cause I saw some action."

Both men turned their attention to the screen, watching as the revolt was finally put down, and the ringleaders were dragged into the warden's office. He had two of the men thrown into solitary, but the third, he kept in his office. The two men stood glaring at each other, radiating hatred, then the warden ordered the man stripped of his shirt, and cuffed to the barred window to the right of his desk.

Fox felt Alex's body tighten then jump, as the first blow of a leather belt was delivered. His eyes snapped shut and his head jerked to the side on the second blow. Fox groped for the remote, found it, and quickly shut the television off. He hugged Alex to him as the other man lay silently in his arms, staring sightlessly toward the window.

"Do you want to talk?"

Alex shook his head and said nothing.

"Okay." Fox sat there for how long, he did not know, stroking Alex's back, offering silent comfort. Finally, the younger man shifted, but did not meet Fox's eye.

"Can we turn the lights out?"

"Yeah," Fox answered quickly, leaning over to turn off the lamp, "sure....that better?"

Alex nodded and fell silent again.

Fox waited patiently, hoping that he would begin to speak, but he merely burrowed into Fox's warmth and said nothing. Nearly half an hour later, he was asleep. Fox emitted a long sigh, kissed the top of his head, and closed his eyes.

Whistle.

*Crack*.

Fuck you.

*Crack*.

You belong to me, Alexei.

Never.

*Crack*.

I will *not* make a sound...I won't give you the satisfaction.

*Crack*.

God....Fox...

The lovely Fox can't help you.

*Fox*.

*Crack*.

I'm here, baby.

Fox, help me. Take me out of here.

He's not taking you anywhere.

*Crack*

It hurts, Fox...please....oh....oh, God, yes....thank you....oh, baby, that feels so good, so.....no.....*no*.....don't touch me....don't....*no*!

"Alex.....*Alex*..." Fox shook Alex gently. "Baby, wake up. Come on..."

Alex's eyes snapped open and he stared up at the man hovering over him...

Something wasn't right. That look in his eyes. Pure, wild hatred.

"Fucking..."

Before Fox had a second to react, Alex was on him, spinning him onto his back, pinning Fox's arms under his knees, hands around his throat.

Fox struggled under Alex's weight, trying to rasp his name, but there was no air, and it wasn't long before he was too weak to fight anymore. He lay beneath Alex, a deafening roar in his head, and his limbs going slack.

Alex tightened his grip, eyes still blazing.

Fox stared wide-eyed up at Alex, silently begging for intervention.

Please...wake him up now....if I die, he won't be able to live with it...

The bedroom door swung open as Clyde pushed his way in. He'd heard the commotion, and had come to investigate. He stood a few feet from the bed and began to bark and yap incessantly.

The sound woke Alex, and he stared down at his hands squeezing the throat of his almost unconscious lover. He cried out in horror, falling away from Fox.

The air came back to Fox in a rush, choking and gagging him. He turned onto his side, overwhelmed by fits of coughing.

Alex stared, mortified. "Fox...oh, God, *Fox*?" The continuous hacking frightened the younger man. He reached out to touch his distressed lover, but drew away quickly. "What did I do?" he whispered, "What the hell did I do?"

Every gasp for air brought a fresh round of coughing, and Alex inched closer. He reached out, rubbing the older man's back. "I didn't....Fox, I don't...."

Fox struggled for air while trying to speak. "Water..."

Alex stared confused for a moment, then slid off the bed and quickly retrieved a glass of water. He kneeled next to Fox, trying to hold the glass to his lips, but his hands were shaking too badly. Still coughing, Fox took the water from him and managed three sips without choking on it.

"I'm..." more coughing, "I'm okay."

He handed the glass back to Alex, who placed it on the nightstand, then retreated to the end of the bed, huddling there in a miserable heap.

Fox took a few deeper, though still unsteady breaths. "Alex...it.....was a dream..."

Alex shook his head, staring wide-eyed into space. "I could've killed you."

"I'm all right."

The younger man's eyes welled up with tears. "I could....could've killed you."

More coughing. "But...you didn't."

"Because of Clyde. What if....oh, God, what if he hadn't come in?"

"You wouldn't....have killed me, Alex..."

"I could have...I...didn't mean it, Fox, I don't...God...oh, God, I could've killed you."

Fox gathered enough strength to move to the end of the bed and wrestle Alex's arms away from his body. He spun him to the mattress, pinning his wrists down beside his head. "Stop it. Listen to me...I'm all right. I'll *be* all right," he wheezed. "It was just a dream. You would have come out of it."

A few tears chased each other from the corner of Alex's eye, and down into his ear. "How do you know that?"

"I just do." Fox stopped for a few breaths then said in his most convincing tone, "You would never have killed me."

Alex's body began to tremble, and he started to sob. "I don't know...I didn't..."

Fox released Alex's wrists and tucked his arms under his back. He rested his head on the younger man's shoulder and hugged him tightly. "I know, baby. I know you didn't mean it. You were dreaming....it's okay..."

Alex's arms wrapped around Fox and he cried harder. "I love you, Fox....I....I love you..."

"I know. I *know*."

"I'm sorry..."

"Nothing to be sorry about. You didn't know." Fox kissed and stroked Alex until his sobs abated. He raised his head and looked down at red-streaked eyes. "Let's get some sleep. You wore yourself out."

Alex shook his head.

"Why not?"

"I'm afraid."

"Of what?"

"What if I dream again? I don't want to hurt you."

"So you're never going to sleep again?"

"No, I'll...I'll go sleep in the guestroom..."

Alex started to get up, but Fox pushed him back to the mattress. "Like hell, you will."

"Please, Fox, I don't..."

"You're not going anywhere. There's no reason to believe that tonight will be repeated."

"What if it is?"

"Then we'll deal with it when and if it happens."

"What if next time I succeed. I'd sooner die than hurt you."

"I will *not* be in the same house with you and sleep in different beds." Fox stroked his lover's hair. "Baby, we were separated for almost a week, and the thought that I might never sleep next to you again, was enough to make me want to put a bullet through my head. I can't and I *won't* be separated from you purposely." Fox pulled himself up against the pillows, dragging Alex to his chest. "It's going to be okay, sweetheart. Just hang on to me and go to sleep. It'll be all right, I promise."

Alex lay shaking against Fox's chest, cringing every time the older man coughed. Fox held him tightly, croaking words of comfort.

"It's okay, baby. Just relax. I love you..."

Alex's eyes squeezed shut.

"Do you want to talk to me?"

Silence.

"Might help you to feel better..."

Alex took a long hard breath, then began to speak just above a whisper. "....I couldn't see his face, but...his voice. I could....he was beating me. The pain, it was..."

Fox listened, unsure whether or not he was hearing Alex's memory of the dream or the actual event.

"It hurt so much...I'd die before I let him know that..."

Fox's eyes filled with tears at the thought of his love, restrained and mentally and physically abused.

"But you were there..."

Fox closed his eyes, creating a stream of moisture down both cheeks.

"You came to me and held me. Protected me against the worst of the pain. You helped me sleep." Alex took a deep, stuttering breath and continued. "You were there tonight, too. In the dream. Comforting me. Making love to me...but then....then all of a sudden, it wasn't you....it was...and I was screaming for him to stop, but he wouldn't, and...and then Justin was in front of me. And I was able to move. I wanted him dead, Fox. God, I wanted him dead..."

"He *is* dead, Alex. I couldn't let him get away with what he did to you. He'll never hurt you or anyone else again."

"But he has. Even now. Look what I just did to you because of him."

"He can't touch us anymore, baby. We're stronger than him. "*You're* stronger."

"I thought I was. But I...I can't shake this."

"It's only been a few days. Don't be so hard on yourself. You need time. And patience..." Fox smiled into Alex's hair, ignoring his own discomfort. "...and love, which fortunately for you, I've got tons of."

Alex remained quiet for a while, then just when Fox thought he might be falling asleep, he spoke, again whispering. "You killed him for me."

Fox tightened his hold on the man in his arms. "You're my whole life, Alex, and I'll kill or die to protect you." He went quiet for a moment, then continued. "When I walked into that room and saw you on the floor of that cage...you were so still...I lost my mind. At that point I only wanted two things. To get to you, and to kill that motherfucker..."

"You...did you think I was dead?"

"I didn't know. I couldn't see you breathing." He kissed the crown of his lover's head. "I was so scared. I couldn't live the rest of my life without you, baby. I wouldn't want to."

Alex raised his head, for the first time meeting Fox's eye. "I guess we're in it for the long haul, then?"

"You ask me this after three years?"

Alex gave him a tiny smile.

"You sure you'll be able to stand me for the next forty or fifty years?"

Alex raised himself up, lips hovering close to Fox's. "Absolutely."

Fox's mouth descended, tenderly capturing his lover's in a long, sweet kiss. When they parted, Fox stroked Alex's cheek and smiled down at him. "It's late," he rasped, "go to sleep."

The light faded from Alex's eyes, and he looked away.

"It's all right," Fox reassured him. "Close your eyes." He kissed and petted Alex's head. "No more dreams. I promise."

How the hell can you make a promise like that?

Alex believed him. He snuggled closer, closed his eyes, and in no time at all was peacefully sleeping.

Fox listened to the slowing respiration; felt the loosening of Alex's muscles, and closed his eyes, offering up a prayer for a peaceful remainder of the night.

Fox rolled onto his side, wincing at the soreness in his throat. He opened his eyes to find himself alone in bed, though he could feel Alex's presence nearby. He looked around, finding the other man standing by the windows, staring out into the yard.

"Al..." he stopped to clear his throat, "Alex?"

Alex's eyes shifted in the direction of the uneven voice.

"You okay?"

The younger man hesitated, then walked over to the bed and sat down. "I need to be asking *you* that."

Fox noted the look of misery on his lover's face. He smiled reassuringly, and answered, "Throat's a little sore, but that's all."

"Your neck is all bruised," Alex said softly.

Fox's hand went to his throat. "It is?"

Slight nod.

"They'll go away. I'm fine, Alex, really."

Alex sat quietly, head bowed.

"Baby..."

The younger man looked up through the sweep of his lashes. Fox reached out to skim the line of his jaw, and he leaned forward, resting his forehead against his lover's shoulder.

"How did you sleep?"

"Okay," came the soft reply.

"No more dreams?"

Slow shake of the sable head.

Shit, you were lucky.

"Didn't I promise?"

"Yeah."

Fox kissed the side of his head. "It's early. Come back to bed."

"It's not that early."

"It is when you got nothing else to do all day..."

"You want to go back to work?"

"*No*. No, I didn't mean it like that. I love being home with you." He reached out, tugging at the belt on Alex's robe. "I just want you to come back to bed."

Alex let the older man pull the robe off and coax him back under the sheet. He settled on his side and Fox moved closer, lying on his back, tucked between Alex and the mattress. One arm snaked around Alex's back, and pulled him down on top of him.

Alex shifted, immediately feeling the slow stiffening of his cock. For days now, Fox had taken care of him, giving him all he had and more, and he'd accepted the attention gratefully. Now Fox was looking up at him, his eyes sparkling with need, and Alex didn't quite know what to do.

What do you mean, you don't know what to do? Make love to him, stupid. You've done it a thousand times.

Alex lowered his head, covering Fox's mouth slowly and tenderly, letting his lover's muffled moans seep into his senses, setting them all on edge. One hand slid up through Fox's hair, holding his head still while he deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped between Fox's parted lips, stroking over the hard surface of his teeth, then the contrasting softness of the interior walls of his cheeks.

So good.

Even first thing in the morning, Alex loved the taste of his lover's mouth. His tongue searched every inch of the dark interior, finally finding its counterpart and initiating a slow, easy seduction.

Fox clung to his shoulders, blissfully immersed in ever-growing passion. He squirmed under his lover's weight, pressing upward against his thigh. He broke from Alex's kiss, making eye contact, letting the turbulent mix of green and gold speak for him..

Alex cupped Fox's cheek, thumb sliding back and forth across the morning stubble. The other man's hands slid forward from his shoulders, flattening on his upper chest. His head tilted back, arching and baring his throat to Alex.

Fox could be an aggressive lover, as comfortable with controlling any sexual situation as he was with their usual give and take, but when he was in the mood to be submissive, *that's* what he was. Alex loved this chameleon-like quality about him. And as Fox could so easily move from one personality to the other, he supposed he possessed the ability as well.

This morning, Fox obviously wanted to be the bottom, and more than anything, Alex wanted to give him what he was asking for. He slid one hand along Fox's arm, grasping his wrist and pulling it away from his chest. He pinned that hand beside Fox's head, then reached for the other, repeating the action. He lowered his head to the exposed throat, closing his eyes to block out the evidence of what he'd done the night before. But he couldn't close his mind to it, and images of his Fox lying ashen and motionless, sent violent shudders through his body, and stopped him cold.

Lustful anticipation turned to cold dread as Fox looked up at his frozen lover. "Alex? What? What is it?"

The younger man gave no answer as he rolled off of Fox and sat up, head resting on his bent knees. "I'm okay," he said, then took a deep breath. "Just...gimme a minute..."

Fox sat up beside him. "You're not okay. Take a few deep breaths before you hyperventilate." He waited as Alex did as he'd instructed. "Better?"

Alex nodded, head still on his knees.

"Alex....look at me."

Long seconds passed before Alex lifted his head and looked in Fox's direction.

"What happened?"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just tell me what's got you upset."

Alex's gaze slid down to Fox's throat, then flitted away.

Fox sighed heavily, realizing what the problem was. He got out of bed and walked over to the mirrored dresser to see what the big deal was. He observed the moderate bruising around his throat, and moved calmly back to the bed. "It isn't that bad, baby." He smirked at Alex, trying to lighten the moment. "Want me to wear a scarf until they go away?"

"That's not funny."

"Come on, Alex. I'm the guy who almost didn't wake up this morning. If *I* can smile about it..."

"You're *really* not making me feel any better, you know? "

The smile fell away from Fox's lips on hearing the miserable tone in his lover's voice. "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make it worse." He reached out to caress the younger man's shoulder. "I don't know what to say to you, Alex, other than to repeat what I told you last night. It wasn't your fault. I know that you would never knowingly hurt me."

"That's not the point. The point is I *did* hurt you. And I could easily have killed you. Do you know how that makes me feel?"

"I know. But you can't hold onto it, you understand? You can't feel guilty everytime you look at me."

"Yeah, well, maybe you can tell me how to stop it."

"Think about something else."

"Gee, that's easy, why didn't *I* think of that? What am I supposed to think about?"

"I don't know..." Fox inched closer, fanning Alex's ear with his breath. "Maybe you could think about how damn sexy I am..."

The beginnings of a smile teased the corners of Alex's mouth.

"...how the sound of my voice sends tingles through your body..." Fox tickled the exterior of his lover's ear with the tip of his tongue. "...how my touch makes you shiver..." He gently pushed Alex back against the pillows and swung himself over the younger man's body, straddling him on his hands and knees. "Maybe you could think about how good it'd feel to be inside me..."

Alex's head fell to one side, and he groaned softly.

Fox studied him closely. "You want to be inside me, baby?"

Alex nodded, exhaling heavily.

"Close your eyes....good. Now keep them closed and just feel me, okay?"

The younger man let out a faint whimper, but complied with his lover's request.

Fox brushed Alex's mouth with his own, letting his tongue whisper across his lower lip. He moved downward, kissing and licking the warm flesh of Alex's neck and chest, pausing at one nipple. He flicked at it gently, and Alex arched off the bed.

"Fox," he panted, "oh, please..."

Fox moved to the other nipple, treating it to the same wonderful torment as the first.

"I...Fox, I...I need you..."

The older man nipped at the sensitive peak, drawing a frustrated whine from his lover, then moved on. He slid downward, enjoying the feel of Alex's stomach muscles rippling beneath his lips. He reached Alex's aching cock, grasping it at the base, and lapping delicately at the glistening tip.

Alex's head rolled back and forth on the pillow, and he gathered up fistfuls of sheet. "Mmm....ah....please...oh, please..."

Fox sucked the entire length of Alex's cock down his throat, pulling a loud gasp from the man under him. He sucked steadily, letting his tongue flutter along the length of his lover's rock-hard erection. The stiffening of Alex's body suggested that the younger man might be closer to the edge than he thought. He pulled away, listening to the loud groans of protest.

"Hang on for just a second, baby..." Fox reached over into the nightstand drawer, withdrawing the lube. He squeezed a generous amount into his palm, and applied it quickly to Alex's cock. He inched forward, positioning himself, letting his ass brush the bobbing shaft. "Hold it for me, baby."

Alex wrapped his hand around the base of his cock, holding it upright and steady, while Fox lowered himself onto it. Both men whimpered impatiently as Fox slowly impaled himself on his lover. When Alex was inside him as deep as he could go, Fox began to move, rising up and sinking slowly back down. The other man's head pressed back into the pillows and he let out a long sob as Fox's muscles contracted on every upstroke.

"Fox...baby, I can't....I...."

Eyes still closed, Alex clutched at his lover's cock, jerking it convulsively.

"It's all right, baby...neither can I...come on...take...take me with you..."

Alex pumped Fox's erection harder as the man on top of him moved faster. They reached the end almost simultaneously, Fox's frantic cries joining Alex's, and they collapsed together, panting heavily.

The pounding in Fox's head subsided, and he felt Alex's hand tenderly caressing his slick back. He picked his head up and kissed his lover softly. "God, that was good."

"I'm sorry it wasn't what you had in mind."

"S'all right," Fox licked Alex's shoulder. "It was still hot."

Alex said nothing, silently appreciating his lover's attempt to reassure him.

"Baby?"

"Yeah? Wait. Let me guess. You're hungry."

"Uh-huh." Fox lifted himself off of Alex's chest and bounded out of bed. "I'm gonna go take a shower, then get breakfast started."

Alex squinted up at his face. "You pull me back into bed, now you want to get up?"

Fox shrugged, grinning down at his lover. "I got what I wanted."

"So you were just using me. Well isn't that nice? I'm insulted, I'm....I'm hurt..."

"You're full of shit." Amusement filled Fox's tone. He approached the bed and placed a soft kiss on Alex's mouth. "But I love you." He grasped the younger man's hand and pulled. "Come on. Let's do our part for water conservation..."

"I got it," Fox called to Alex who was elsewhere in the house, as he went to answer the doorbell. He swung the door open and smiled down at his partner. "Hey."

"Hi." Scully walked past her partner and stopped halfway into the living room. "Am I early?"

"A little. But you know how anal Alex is about punctuality. Dinner is almost done."

"Yeah, I know. How is he...Mulder....what's that?"

"What?"

Scully moved closer, investigating the marks on his neck. "Are those...bruises?"

Mulder closed his eyes momentarily, emitting a soft sigh. "Yeah," he answered softly.

"What the hell happened? Looks like somebody tried to strangle......you.....Mulder?" Scully asked, suspicion creeping into her voice. Fox's silence said more to her than any words could. "What the hell went on here?"

Fox opened his mouth to speak, stopped, and started again. "Alex had a nightmare last night. He was asleep. He didn't know what he was doing..."

Scully's eyes widened in shock. "Alex did that to you? Mulder..."

"Please, Scully, don't make a big thing out of this. He was miserable enough."

"Mulder, you don't get bruises like that unless someone was really trying to choke the hell out of you. And you know, come to think of it, your voice *is* a little raspy. Your larynx might be injured."

"I'm okay."

"If Alex is acting out his dreams like this, it could be a real problem. Maybe he should see someone...a professional..."

Fox held his hands out a few inches from his sides, palms upturned, raising his eyebrows.

"You're too close, Mulder. Your emotions are bound to get in the way. And things could get worse."

"It'll be all right, Scully. I'll take care of him. We'll work through it."

"This isn't just any garden variety psychological problem. He tried to *strangle* you."

"Not me. Saint James....anyway, I'm okay."

"*This* time. What if it happens again? Mulder, he could have..."

"Killed him."

Two heads turned in Alex's direction. He stood in the doorway, looking utterly miserable.

"See, Fox? Even Scully thinks I could be a danger to you." Alex's eyes slid away and he drifted quietly out of the room.

"Shit."

"Damn," Scully whispered. I didn't know he was there."

"I know. It's not your fault. If it hadn't been you, something else probably would have set him back. I gotta go find him."

Fox went after Alex with Scully close behind. They found him in the kitchen, sitting at the table, hands clasped loosely in his lap, head hanging. Fox started to move toward him, but Scully stopped him with a hand on his chest. She stepped forward and pulled a chair up facing Alex. Lowering herself into the seat, she placed a hand gently on his knee.

"Alex? I'm sorry. I know how upset you must be about this. I didn't mean to make it any worse. I'm just concerned...about both of you."

"It hurts so much to think about what I did to him...to see..."

"You didn't mean it."

"Of course I didn't mean it, but intention isn't worth shit when something else is in control."

"Don't *let* anything else be in control. I've seen first hand the strength of your love for Mulder. Just stop trying so hard to fight all the bad stuff, and let your love take over. And...maybe you might want to consider seeing someone..."

"You mean like a psychiatrist?"

"An analyst. Someone to help you with your problems if you feel you can't handle them yourself."

Alex looked up to Fox. "Do you think I should?"

"It's up to you, Alex, but I was hoping that we could deal with this ourselves. I know you wouldn't feel comfortable talking with anyone else about it."

"I really don't want to, but more than that, I don't want to hurt you again."

Fox squatted in front of the sitting man, laying his hand on the unoccupied knee. "It'll be all right. Just trust me. More importantly, trust yourself."

Alex covered Fox's hand with his own. "I trust you with my life, Fox. You know that. But..." He shook his head and lowered his eyes.

"Listen to me, baby. *I* trust *you*. Now if you believe in me the way you say you do, you've got to know that I'm *right* to trust you."

Fox waited quietly while Alex considered his words. Finally his lashes lifted and he looked into his lover's eyes. He leaned forward slowly, and rested his forehead against Fox's shoulder. The other man's arms wound around him, hand rubbing his back while he kissed the side of the sable head.

Scully watched, always warmed by the affection between the two men, but still a bit apprehensive about this latest develpment. She swallowed her concerns, and patted Alex's knee and Fox's back. "Okay, break it up. I'm hungry."

Alex pulled away from Fox, and kept his head downturned until Fox raised it with two fingers under his chin.

"Okay?" the older man asked softly.

Alex nodded then sat motionless as his lover moved in for a long, gentle kiss.

Scully shook her head, smiling, and rose from her chair to check on dinner.

Fox backed off just far enough to see Alex's eyes for a moment, then pitched forward again, kissing him once more.

"Wow, this smells *great*," Scully said loudly, trying to get the attention of at least one of the men. "Alex, you must have done the cooking."

Fox broke the second kiss, smiling at his lover. "I think she's trying to tell us something."

Alex smiled back and looked over Fox's shoulder at the redhead drumming her fingernails on the counter. "Actually, I just helped. Fox did ninety percent of it."

"No way."

"Why don't you believe it?"

"This smells too good."

Alex rose from his chair, pulling Fox up with him. "He's been doing the cooking since I got home. And it's *good*."

"Really? Well...you're still walking and talking, so I guess it must be okay."

"It's better than okay, I'm *telling* you. You're gonna be shocked."

Fox turned to Alex, raising one eyebrow. "Shocked?"

"Oh...uh...well...."

"What's wrong with pleasantly surprised?"

"N-nothing...um...I didn't exactly mean it like...*shocked*...it's more like..."

Fox nodded, waiting for Alex to explain himself out of this spot.

"Come on, lisa, you know I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that she'll be amazed..."

Fox's eyes widened as he continued to stare at his floundering lover.

"*No*! Not amazed, uh...."

"You're sinking fast, Krycek."

Alex lowered his gaze, and siddled over to Fox, draping his arms around his waist, and rubbing his head against his cheek. "I'm sorry, lisa...I love you...."

"Yeah?"

"Mmm hmm."

"Well..." Fox petted Alex's hair. "You can prove it to me later, okay?"

"Hey, I got an idea," Scully interrupted, "Why doesn't somebody prove to me how good this damn food is?"

Fox kissed his lover's head, then moved them both in Scully's direction. "All right, all right. Don't work yourself into a state."

Three hours and half a dozen compliments later, Scully was on her way home, and the men settled in for the night. They started off watching television in bed, but soon ended up making love. At Fox's silent insistence, Alex took the lead, though somewhat timidly. It was wonderful, and it was sweet, and though it was often that way between them, there was a difference this time. Alex wasn't holding back because he wanted tenderness. Something else was tempering his actions. Something Fox would almost describe as fear. He had to get Alex over this. He missed his aggressive, confident lover, and he was willing to bet that Alex was missing him too. After all, it was part of him, and he knew no one with a stronger sense of self than Alex.

The two men curled together, physically satisfied, and slipped into unconsciousness.

Over the next few days, Alex had one more nightmare, but Fox was better prepared, and lightly restrained him before he woke him...just in case. Alex woke quickly though, and without incident. Fox gathered him into his arms, stroking, and petting, and reassuring, as Alex clung to him, afraid to go back to sleep. He did, finally, but not until very early in the morning.

Fox went back to work that morning, dragging into the office, looking just a little bit rough around the edges.

"Hey, welcome back!" Scully greeted him as he walked into the office. "Uh...damn, Mulder, you look like hell."

"Didn't sleep last night."

"Now what?"

"Alex had another nightmare."

"He didn't try to kill you again, did he?"

"No...but he didn't get back to sleep till around three-thirty."

"What about you?"

"I remember seeing five thirty-eight....about twenty minutes before the alarm went off."

"God, Mulder. You should have taken one more day off and gotten some sleep."

"I'll be okay. I'll go to bed early tonight."

"You'd better. I ran into Skinner in the hall on the way down here. He wants us in Tampa on Wednesday."

"What for?"

"Don't know yet. We have a nine-thirty meeting in his office though, to get the details."

"Shit."

"What?"

Fox shook his head, looking more than a little disturbed.

"You're worried about Alex."

"Well....yeah."

"Mulder, you knew you'd have to come back to work sooner or later...how is he aside from the nightmare?"

"Pretty good most of the time. There are some ways in which he's not quite himself, but I've got a few ideas about how to deal with that...I just hate to have to leave him alone. I think he's still too vulnerable. Of course, he'll tell me to go and not worry about him."

"You have to get back into the swing of things sooner or later, Mulder."

"I know. It's just that this first time away from him is going to be hard on us both."

"I'm sure it will. But if I know you, you'll check in with him fifteen times a day. And Florida really isn't all that far..."

Fox nodded absently. "Yeah..yeah, I know. It'll be fine, I'm sure. We just have to make it over this first hump."

"Right...so...what have you got planned to bring Alex back to himself?" Scully cocked her head, noting the devious little smile that spread across her partner's face. "Or shouldn't I ask?"

Fox's hand slid around his back of his neck, then back to the front, moving down his chest, then away, distributing the fragrant, silvery liquid. He watched his hands as they moved from one button to the next, slipping each disk through its corresponding hole. He stopped at the third button from the top, then looked up at himself in the mirror. Deciding to leave it undone, he took his hands away, and studied himself.

Just the way Alex liked him.

Softly pleated black pants and black silk shirt. Day's growth of beard. Sexy wisp of golden brown hair falling over one eyebrow. Mouth drawn into an incredibly delicious pout.

Satisfied, Fox walked into the bathroom where Alex was preparing to slip his silver hoop through the hole in his earlobe. He moved behind the younger man, who when he caught sight of his lover in the mirror, froze, eyes sliding over the vision in black. Fox reached for the object in Alex's hand.

"Let me."

Alex turned slowly, and Fox moved forward, letting their bodies touch as he carefully inserted the post. He secured the earring and stepped back a few inches, eyes raking over his lover's form. He was beautiful in a dolphin-gray jacket and pants, and a dusty periwinkle blue-lavender shirt that set off his magnificent eyes.

"Very nice," Fox, commented softly.

One corner of Alex's mouth tilted upward. "You too."

Fox nuzzled the younger man's throat. "Ready?"

"Yeah." Alex took his lover's hand and the two walked out to the garage. "Yours or mine?" he asked as they moved between the two cars.

Fox glided over to Alex's Porsche, running his hand over the smooth black hood. His eyes locked on his lover's. "You drive."

Fox's words sent a twinge of electricity shooting through Alex's body. He paused, needing a moment to compose himself then stepped forward, opening Fox's door and shutting it after he was tucked inside. He slid into the driver's seat, and not daring to look again at the other man, started the car and pulled out of the garage.

Fox watched Alex quietly, waiting a few minutes before sliding as far over to the left as he could go, and laying his head on the younger man's shoulder. "Been a long time since we've been out anyplace nice," he said, tracing the tight muscles of his lover's thigh with his fingertips.

Alex blinked several times, trying to concentrate on the road rather than the rapid swelling in his pants. A weak "Yeah," was all he could muster.

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you like what I'm wearing?"

"Yeah. Of course...you..you know I love you in black."

"I wore something special for you..." Fox whispered.

Before Alex could ask, Fox grasped his hand and placed it down over his crotch. The younger man groaned deeply as his fingers recognized the leather strapping bound snuggly around Fox's rigid cock. He fought to keep his eyes open as raging hunger crashed over him. It had been a good many months since Fox had worn this for him. The last time he had, Alex had fucked him against a filthy wall in an alley behind the club they'd been at, unable to wait until they got home...

Fox squirmed, whimpering softly as his lover massaged his restrained cock. "Baby..."

Alex's hand left Fox's lap, receiving a low groan of protest. He cupped the side of the other man's head with his palm and pressed a few kisses into his hair. "I love you," he murmured just above the sound of the motor.

Fox molded himself to Alex's side, happily drowning in the pleasure of the other man's attention.

When they reached their destination, Alex covered Fox's mouth in a deep, ravenous kiss, then exited the car. By the time he'd come around to the passenger's side, Fox had already emerged and was standing, waiting for him. As soon as Alex reached him, their fingers twined together and they kissed briefly but thoroughly, then Fox let Alex lead him to the door of the dinner club.

The host smiled as the two men entered. "Good evening, gentlemen. Reservations?"

Alex released Fox's hand and slid his arm around the older man's waist. "Krycek."

"Ah, yes. Here we are. You requested a corner booth?"

Alex glanced quickly at his lover who was looking innocently around the establishment, then back at the host. "Yes."

They were led to a quiet corner of the club, Alex noting the position of the booth and many plants along the sides.

Very private. Perfect for those who wanted to see but not be seen.

Alex thanked the host and moved aside, letting Fox sit first. He slid in beside him, intently studying the devious glint in his eyes.

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing..." Fox slid closer, resting his head on Alex's shoulder. "What makes you think I'm up to something?"

"You have a really hard time trying to look innocent when you're not."

Fox shook with silent laughter. "Really Alex, all I want to do is have a nice night out with the man I love. Do you see anything underhanded in that?"

"You're up to no good, I can feel it."

"You can? He covered Alex's hand with his own, and moved it into his lap. "How about this? Can you feel that?"

Alex let out a small sigh, and gently carressed the solid column of flesh and leather just beneath the lightweight black material. "Oh yeah, I can feel that....God, you're so hard. Is it uncomfortable?"

He was starting to get into it.

Good.

"Yeah," Fox squirmed beside Alex.

Alex kissed his head, then murmured into his ear, "Would you do something for me?"

Soft groan. "You know I'll do anything for you."

Alex gently pushed him away, putting a few inches distance between them. "I want you to sit there, behave yourself, and talk to me."

Fox tilted his head to one side. "You...what do you want me to talk to you about?"

Alex shrugged. "Tell me why you wanted to come out tonight, when I know you couldn't have had more than couple hours sleep last night."

Fox looked directly into the smoldering green pools. "I felt like going out. Is that a bad thing?"

"No..." Alex's gaze grew hotter and more intense. "...How was your day?"

"Long. I missed not being able to touch you or look at you whenever I wanted."

Before Alex could respond, a waiter approached. Early to mid thirties. Beautiful light mocha complexion, with dark wavy hair and the blackest eyes framed by lashes almost as long as Alex's. He smiled, and their dark corner lit up.

"Good evening gentlemen. My name is Mark, and I'll be your server tonight. Would you like to hear the chef's specials?"

"Sure," Alex turned an equally dazzling smile on the man.

The waiter recited the specials, every so often smiling in Fox's direction. When he finished, Alex turned his attention to his lover, stroking his jaw. "Does any of that sound good to you, baby?"

The corner of Fox's mouth twitched upward. "The Cajun shrimp and tenderloin sounds interesting. I think I'll have that. Medium well on the steak, please."

"Very good." The waiter looked to Alex. "And you, sir?"

"I'll have the Pasta Primavera."

"Certainly. Would you like an appetizer?"

Alex's eyes flicked up and down his lover's body, turning the heat up a couple of notches. "I'm...all set. How about you, lisa?"

Fox stared back, shaking his head.

"How about some wine?"

"Yeah, I'd like that."

Alex indicated his selection to the waiter, then dismissed him. He watched the man walk away, and turned back to Fox. "He'd do you in a second, if he could."

"What? The way he was smiling at *you*?"

"That was admiration...and envy. He was saying, 'Holy shit man, you're one lucky dog. If you'd let me watch, I wouldn't say a word if you wanted to lay that sweet thing down right here in this booth and fuck him raw."

Fox laughed softly. "You got all that from a few smiles, huh?"

"Yes, I did. *And* he was wondering if I might be willing to share."

"Uh huh. And what was your reply?"

"Number one, he'd never be able to handle you, and number two...no way in hell." Alex's fingers swept across the swell of Fox's lower lip. "You're mine."

Fox smiled, capturing one fingertip between his teeth.

"Ah ah ah...remember what I said about you behaving."

"You started it," Fox pouted, releasing the finger from his mouth.

"What where we talking about before he showed up?"

"I believe you were telling me how much fun it would be to let me unzip your pants and play with your cock while we had dinner..."

Alex shook his head, grinning. "Noooo, no. I know. I was asking you how work was."

Fox shrugged. "Nothing new, really. Followed up on a few cases, pissed some people off...oh. Oh, oh...Skinner wanted to see us this morning. He wants us in on a case...four women in Florida...on-line friends apparently, all found dead in front of their computers. They all seemed to be involved in the same fan fiction writing group."

"Fan fiction?"

"Yeah. They write their own stories revolving around the characters in their favorite television shows. This one in particular happened to be about a very unlikely sexual relationship between two characters. They were all participating in the same story at the same time...like a round robin.

"Uh....okaaaay.....and how is this an x-file?"

"Well...don't you find it strange that four women are all dead at the same time in front of their computers while writing the same story?"

"I guess...wait...um....Florida?"

"Yeah. I gotta go out there day after tomorrow."

The temperature plunged.

"Oh."

Shit.

"I'm sorry, baby. I .."

"What for?" Alex forced his tone to be light. "This is nothing new. It's what you do."

"I know, but I hadn't expected to have to go away so soon after..."

"Don't worry about me, lisa. I'll be fine." Alex pressed his lips together and looked down at the table.

Way to fuck up an evening, Mulder.

"Alex..."

Before he could finish, Mark was back with the wine. He poured for Alex, waited for his approval, then with another flash of white teeth, disappeared from sight.

Alex picked up the bottle, filled Fox's glass, and topped his off. He returned the bottle to the bucket, and stared down into his glass, absorbed in whatever emotions were rolling through him.

Fox slid along the seat until their thighs touched. "Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

"Cut it out, Fox. You have no reason to be sorry."

"I completely ruined the mood here..."

"*I* asked you about work, remember?" Alex lifted his own glass to Fox's lips, letting him drink from it, then kissing him tenderly. I'm fine. I promise."

Alex put on a damn good show. No one watching would ever have guessed that there was another thought in his mind other than having a wonderful evening with his lover, but Fox knew better. Though Alex was sweet and attentive, the mood that had been set earlier, had never been recaptured after the Florida talk.

In the middle of their meal, the band for the evening took the stage and began to play. Almost an hour later, Alex took Fox by the hand and tugged him up on the dance floor.

Fox looked around on the way to their destination. The floor was already three-quarters full, and while some of the couples were female, and even fewer male-female, the majority was male. They found a space, and Alex drew Fox into his arms. They rocked slowly together, arms wound around each other. Fox let his head drop, resting his cheek on Alex's shoulder as the younger man slowly caressed his back. He slid a hand down to the small of Alex's back, and rubbed himself against the younger man's crotch, feeling the solid heat there. Alex held him tighter, moaning into his hair. Fox raised his head and whispered into his lover's ear.

"Alexei..."

Alex shuddered at the warm tickle. "Yeah, baby?"

"I need you." Fox licked a path around the outside curve of his ear. "Please...take me home."

"N-now?"

"Right now," Fox whimpered, squirming against him.

Alex was dying. His cock was pounding. His head was pounding. The palms of his hands were moist from sweat. Images of him ripping Fox's clothes off and taking him in the back seat of the car flashed through his mind...then driving home while Fox still lay in the back seat, naked except for the leather strapping, and insane with frustration...dragging him through the house...throwing him down on the bed and fucking him again, while he screamed for mercy...it's what Fox had been wanting...what he'd all but got down on his knees and begged for. Alex wanted it too. God, he wanted it so much.

Tonight.

Fox would still be feeling him all the way to Florida and back...

Wonder how long he'll have to be gone. Maybe Clyde and I could go with him. Couple of days away would be nice.

A couple of days away? Away from what? You were *dying* to be home. Now you want to go away? Come on, it's got nothing to do with getting away. You're scared to be alone. Oh, you gotta be kidding me, you goddamn puss. Knock this shit off. Nobody's gonna sneak in, in the middle of the night and abduct you.

What if I have the nightmare again and he isn't there?

Well then you can't kill him, can you?

Fox felt the tension drain from Alex's body, and it wasn't a *good* thing.

Damn. Damn, damn, damn. Now what?

"Baby?"

Alex drew back, giving Fox a tiny smile. "Come on," he said softly, "let's go home."

The ride home was a relatively silent one. Fox sat close to Alex, touching and nuzzling him, but was unable to re-ignite the fire he'd started earlier.

Alex pulled into the garage and both men alighted from the car. Instead of stumbling into the house, tearing each other's clothes off, they walked slowly, holding hands all the way into the bedroom. Clyde followed close behind, wagging and whining.

"He must need to go out." Fox turned and walked back toward the door. "I'll be right back. Come on, Clyde."

Alex nodded, watched Fox disappear into the hall, then removed his jacket and the rest of his clothing. He walked into the bathroom and turned the shower on, waiting until the water was warm enough, then stepped inside. He poured a generous amount of bath gel into the sponge, and began to wash. His eyes closed as he rubbed the sponge across his chest, brushing the tight nipples. His body was still sensitive from his earlier arousal, and the sponge on his skin felt like...Fox's tongue. No....not true. *Nothing* felt like his Fox's tongue...

Fox walked back into the bedroom, hearing the shower. He stood quietly listening, not sure what he should do now. Seconds later, he sat heavily in one of the two chairs by the window. He closed his eyes, focusing on the throbbing of his cock beneath the black material of his pants.

Jesus...well, this didn't exactly turn out the way you expected, did it?

Alex turned the shower off and dried himself. He groaned softly as the towel grazed his still rigid cock. He glanced toward the door, hoping that Fox would have joined him in the shower, but wasn't exactly shocked when he didn't. God, he hated himself. Fox had gone to so much trouble to make this evening special, and he just fucked it all up. He had to fix it, he had to make it better, somehow. He finished drying off and walked naked into the bedroom. He looked around, frowning until he found what he was looking for.

Fox. Slouched in the chair by the window...asleep.

Alex crouched beside the chair, and his presence startled the other man awake. He laid a hand on Fox's knee and rubbed it gently. "I'm sorry," he whispered his apology.

Fox blinked down at him, not missing the fact that he was very much naked. "*I'm* sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"You're tired."

"I'm okay." Fox stared at him hopefully.

Alex studied him, reading the expression in his eyes. He shifted to his knees, leaned forward, and touched his fingers to the front of Fox's shirt.

Fox's eyes remained glued to his lover's face as he felt the first button give. The breath escaped past his lips in a soft hiss as the second button was undone, and his cock came back to rigid attention.

Alex saw Fox's eyes go smoky, and his hand slipped inside the partially unbuttoned shirt, caressing his heated skin. His fingertips brushed over a hardening nipple, sending a tiny shudder through Fox's body. His other hand joined the first, now teasing both nipples simultaneously.

Fox's neck arched, pushing his head back into the chair's cushion, and he was breathing heavily now, laboring for each breath. Unable to get any intelligible sound from his throat, he mouthed Alex's name, making a silent plea to his lover. But if only Alex would listen, he'd be able to hear his cock screaming it loud and clear.

Alex's hands left Fox's chest, and slid down the open edges of his shirt. When he'd reached the part where the material was still joined by buttons, his eyes rose to meet those of his suffering lover. His fingers tightened in the material and he wrenched the shirt open, popping the last few buttons, and yanking the shirt out of the waistband of Fox's pants.

The older man's hands tightened on the arms of the chair, and he gasped loudly, involuntarily arching up a few inches off of the seat.

Alex gripped Fox's hips, pushing him back down, then went to work on his pants. Once he had the zipper down, he pulled the pants off, flinging them over the other chair. He continued to remove each article of clothing until Fox sat, sprawled naked before him with only the cock straps and chain in place. "Beautiful," he murmured, bending to place a soft kiss at the swollen tip. He unhooked the chain, and slid it through the ring on the first strap. He wrapped the fine metal around his hand, then drew it down Fox's chest, scraping it over his already sensitive nipples. The older man's body convulsed, and an abbreviated groan rose into the air. His eyes rose to Fox's face just in time to see that he was mouthing something else. "What? What is it, lisa?" he whispered.

"H..hard...harder..."

Alex complied, pressing he chain-wrapped hand down on Fox's chest, and dragging it slowly over and around both nipples. Fox twisted and moaned in his chair, incredibly aroused by the simple action.

"You like that, baby?" Alex gasped, now rising to meet Fox's level of excitement.

The older man nodded, still writhing from the continuous contact.

Alex loosened his grasp on the chain, letting it uncoil. He drew it up Fox's chest, and around his neck, securing the clasp to one of the links, effectively forming a collar. He rose to his feet, tugging on the chain. Fox got up and Alex led him over to the bed. Just as he was about to give his first verbal order, a muffled ringing pierced the air. It was Fox's phone, meaning that it was business, and couldn't be ignored.

"No," Fox whimpered, "No, no, no, no..."

Alex tilted his head back, inhaling and exhaling deeply. He snatched Fox's pants up off of the chair, pulled the phone out, and handed it to him. Fox took the phone and jerked it to his ear.

"*What*?"

"Jeez, Mulder, what if it wasn't me?"

"Scully," he rasped through gritted teeth. "What is it?"

"Are you busy?"

"Very."

"God, Mulder, I'm sorry. Listen, don't kill the messenger, but Skinner couldn't get in touch with you, so he called me a little while ago. There's been an unexpected development on that case in Florida. He wants us out there, asap."

"Scully..." Fox glanced quickly at Alex then away. "...tell me you're kidding..."

Alex let the chain drop from his hand and he fell onto the bed, pulling himself back against the pillows. He waited quietly for the bad news.

"I'm sorry, I wish I were. I've booked us a couple of tickets. Our flight leaves in two hours."

"All right," he said softly. "I'll uh...I'll pick you up in an hour."

"Mulder, I really am sorry."

"Not your fault."

Fox disconnected, and let the phone drop from his limp hand, onto the bed. The other hand unhooked the chain, and let that too, drop. "Alex..."

"I know," The subdued voice came from the head of the bed, "you have to go."

Fox nodded, gazing sightlessly at the window. "I'm..." He paused, attempting to control his breathing. "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," the voice sounded again, this time closer. Fox turned into it. Alex began to gently unbuckle the straps still secured around his cock. "I'd repacked your bag after the last time. All you have to do is throw your suits and shoes into the garment bag, and you're off."

Fox closed his eyes, battling the buildup of frustration, and at the same time, losing himself in the sensation of Alex's fingers moving over his swollen cock. "Takes twenty minutes to drive from here to Scully's. Five minutes to pack the garment bag, ten minutes to shower and dress...." His eyes opened and focused on Alex. "That still gives us twenty-five minutes."

Alex unbuckled the last strap, and removed it. He dropped the leather down next to Fox's cell phone, and stared at the older man.

Fox wrapped an arm around his kneeling lover's waist, and pulled him forward. His mouth clamped down on Alex's, and he lowered them both to the mattress.

Alex clung desperately to his lover, never wanting to let him go, though he knew he must. He opened his mouth to Fox, offering the warm interior.

Fox immediately accepted the overture plunged inside, scouring the moist recesses, and provoking Alex's tongue into a sensuous duel. He manuevered Alex over to the right, never releasing his mouth while he rumaged in the nightstand drawer for the lube. He quickly produced the tube, slicked up his cock, and pulled Alex's legs up and back. He positioned his cock and pushed in gently, pulling a long moan from his lover. Once he was deeply embedded in Alex's ass, he began to move, thrusting slowly as he wrapped his hand around his cock.

"God, baby, you feel so good," Fox whispered as he continued to move. "I don't...I..." His words faded into a harsh groan as Alex's muscles contracted around him. He tightened his grip, pumping his lover's cock harder and faster, his hips adhering to the same rhythm as Alex whimpered and dug his fingers into his back.

Harder...oh God, baby, make me feel it.

Alex had no right to ask it out loud. This was supposed to be Fox's night...

"Ah...oh...*Fox*...." Alex bucked beneath his lover as he increased the strength of his thrusts, now slamming steadily into him. He gritted his teeth, growling deep in his throat as the friction on his cock also increased.

"Come on, baby," Fox grated into his ear, "I can't hold it..."

And he couldn't.

Seconds later, Fox threw his head back and his harsh sobs echoed through the room. Alex immediately followed, shaking violently with the effort it took to choke back his screams of pleasure.

Fox fell onto Alex's heaving chest, feeling the slick evidence of his lover's explosion now coat his own skin. He tucked his hands under Alex's back, hugging the younger man to him. "I don't want to leave you," he murmured into the shoulder beneath his cheek.

Alex stroked the damp skin, loving the feel of Fox's muscles contract and relax under his touch. An apology was on the tip of his tongue, but he bit it back, not wanting Fox to leave thinking that he was upset. He took a deep breath, kissed the golden-brown head, and suggested that Fox get into the shower before time ran out.

Fox nodded, gently disengaged himself, and pulled himself to his feet. Alex shooed him off in the direction of the bathroom, then went to the closet to pull out the suits and shoes. Less than ten minutes later, Fox emerged from the shower, and changed into the clothes that Alex had laid out for him.

"Are you all right? Maybe I should drive you," Alex suggested, thinking about the fact that Fox had had next to nothing for sleep the night before.

"I'm fine," Fox promised. "I'll let Scully drive to the airport, okay?"

"Okay."

The older man approached, threading his fingers through Alex's hair. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"You gonna be okay?"

"Fine. Just go and do what you have to do."

Fox hesitated, massaging the back of his lover's head. "You don't know how I hate this."

"This is no different than any other time you've had to go out of town. Just kiss me, tell me you'll miss me, and go."

He was trying to make it easier. Fox knew he was unhappy, and though it showed all over his face, he'd be damned if he'd admit to it.

"I love you."

Alex smiled and leaned forward for a kiss. "I love *you*, lisa. Call me as soon as you get there, okay?"

"It'll be late..."

"I don't care. You call me."

"Okay."

"Now go on. You're all packed and ready."

Fox nodded and hesitated. His eyes searched his lover's, then pulled him in for one more long kiss. When they finally parted, Fox picked up his two bags and left he bedroom without looking back.

Alex stood motionless until he heard the door open and close, then Fox's car start and drive up the street. When silence descended again, he glanced warily around the room, then crawled into bed. He pulled the sheet up around his chest, drew Fox's pillow under his head, and closed his eyes.

Scully looked into the miserable face of her partner as he unlocked the trunk for her bag.

"Maybe you should have taken some more time off, Mulder. You're apparently not ready..."

"I'm okay."

"You sure as hell don't look okay. And I'm willing to bet that if you're not okay, *Alex* isn't okay."

"Things are just a bit tense because this is my first time away after all that shit. Things will get back to normal, soon."

"Give me the keys. I'll drive."

"I was going to ask you to, anyway. I promised Alex."

"Haven't you been sleeping?"

"Not much last night."

They got into the car, and headed for the airport. A few minutes into the drive, Scully glanced over at her partner who was staring out the window, instead of resting.

"So, what were you so agitated about when I called?"

Fox sighed heavily. "It was just a really bad time for interruptions."

Scully wrinkled her nose. "Oh. I gotcha. God, Mulder, I'm really sorry."

Fox nodded, still staring out the window, watching what should have been an earthshattering night pass him by...

Alex's eyes snapped open, and darted frantically around the dark room. His breath rushed back into his lungs as he realized that he was home in his own bed.

Alone.

Stop it. The world isn't going to come to a screeching halt because *you've* got a problem.

Alex checked the clock, did some quick calculating, and figured it would be at least another hour before Fox called him.

Go to sleep.

He closed his eyes, but opened them again, minutes later when he thought he heard something. He sat up, peering into the darkness. Clyde's head came up too, but only after his had. The dog looked at him for a few seconds, then lowered his head again to the floor.

Okay....Clyde didn't hear anything, so there's nothing there.

But still, he got up.

He walked around the house, looking out windows, checking locks, and on his way back to the bed, he stopped.

Oh, come on. You're not.

Sure he was.

Alex turned in the direction of the closet, and pulled a small metal box down off the top shelf. He unlocked the box, and pulled his gun out. He stared at the weapon for what seemed like an eternity, then, loaded in the clip, took the gun back to bed with him, and shoved it under his pillow. He closed his eyes and soon after, drifted into sleep.

Fox trudged into his motel room and looked around.

Fuck.

"How much does *this* suck?"

He dropped his suitcase down beside the room's only chair, hung up his garment bag, and flopped down across the bed. He picked up the phone and dialed home. The phone rang only twice before it was picked up and a husky voice said hello.

"Hi," Fox said softly.

"Hi."

"Sorry I woke you."

"S'okay. I wanted you to call, remember? What time is it?"

"Two-twelve."

"Mmm...just get in?"

"Just this minute."

"You'd better get to sleep..."

"Alex."

"Yeah?"

"I'm...you okay?"

"...Yeah....I..."

"You what?"

"Nothing."

"Baby...tell me."

Don't do this to him. Don't make him afraid to go out and do his job.

"Nothing. I was just going to say that I was fine. Everything is fine."

"You don't sound fine. Are you sure?"

Don't you fucking do it.

"Positive. It's just that I've been asleep. Now go on. You need some rest."

"All right. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah....love you."

"I love you, Alexei. Goodnight."

"...Goodnight."

Fox dropped the phone into the cradle, and rolled onto his back. "God," he whispered into the still air, "please don't let this case drag on and on."

Alex walked slowly, breathing in the fresh, summer air, turning his face up to the sun every now and again. It felt good. Alex likened the sensation to the warmth he felt when his Fox smiled at him.

Christ, he missed him.

Not even a full day yet, and...

"Hi, Alex!"

Alex jerked himself back from his musings. "Hi, Mitchell. How you been?"

"Good."

Clyde bounded up, and the boy scratched his head and under his chin. "Hi Clyde." He turned his attention back to Alex. "How 'bout you? I haven't seen you around. I was hopin' you weren't sick or anything."

"No, I'm fine. Just been hanging around the house a lot...resting..."

"Alex?"

"Hmm?"

"They didn't hurt you, did they? I heard my mother talkin' to Robbie's mother on the phone. And she said that Mrs. Kilgore down the street said that you were in the hospital."

Alex released a long sigh. "Umm...yeah, Mitchell. I was in he hospital...but just for a very little while."

"S-so they *did* hurt you?"

"...Yeah." He held out his arms, turning around and around as they walked. "But I'm fine. See?"

The little boy nodded, then jumped on to the next subject. "Mulder at work?"

"Yeah, he's working."

"You guys gonna be around later? I heard Mom say that she wanted to let a week or so go by before she came to see you...let you rest, I guess, and she was thinkin' about callin' you tonight."

"Well, I'll be home, but Mulder is working out of town."

The boy's eyes widened. "On a case?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. How long?"

"Don't know. I'm hoping he'll be able to tell me that when he calls tonight."

"Tell him I said hi when you talk to him, okay?"

"Will do."

"'Kay, I gotta go. Mom told me to be home at four-thirty."

Alex checked his watch. "It's uh....four-fortyeight."

"Okay, I gotta go. I'll see you later!"

Alex waved to the boy as he ran off toward his house. He walked up to the house, opened the door, and he and Clyde disappeared inside.

"Hey, baby."

"Hi."

Fox stretched out on the bed, loosening his tie. "I've been thinking about you all day."

"Makes two of us, cause I've been thinking about *you* all day. How's it going?"

"Not as well as I'd like it to."

Soft sigh. "I know what *that* means."

"You know I'll be home just as soon as I can."

"I know."

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Just missing you....uh... Anne Mitchell stopped by today."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, she said she didn't want to come rushing right over here when I first got home, but she wanted me to know that she was glad I was back and that I was okay. And she heard I was alone for a few days, so she brought over some food...actually, a lot of food. She didn't want me to have to cook for myself."

"That was nice of her. We've got some good neighbors."

"We do."

A brief silence descended, then Fox asked what he'd been dreading to ask. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Okay."

"No dreams or anything?"

"No. Took me a little while to get back to sleep after you called, but when I did, I was out until eight this morning."

"Not that long."

"Longer than you."

"True."

"Are you in for the night?"

"Unless I get called out, yeah."

"Then get some sleep."

"You don't want to talk to me anymore?"

Alex closed his eyes and whispered into the phone, "Of course I do. But I don't want you stumbling around, exhausted. Not in the field. Promise me you'll go to sleep right now."

"Okay, I promise."

"All right. Love you."

"Love you, too."

"Goodnight, lisa."

"Goodnight, babe."

Alex hung up then toured the house, checking the windows and doors. After a warm, relaxing shower, he dropped into bed, and fell asleep less than fifteen minutes later.

Mmmmmm.....

That good, baby?

Yes, oh, yes, Fox...more...

*Crack*

Shit...no...

Yes.

Fox, he's here. Come back!

*Crack*

You're mine, Alexei.

Stop it. You're dead.

Am I? I'm here, aren't I?

*No*. It's just a dream.

*Crack*

Ah...stop..God, stop...

Hurts an awful lot for a dream, doesn't it?

I'll kill you, motherfucker.

Oh, please, darling. You tried and failed.

Not this time. I'll shoot you right between your eyes.

You can try...

Alex sat bolt upright, gun pulled from beneath his pillow, poised for use. He blinked, trying to focus in the darkness.

Nothing.

He was dreaming.

Shit.

He sat, head resting on bent knees for a brief time. When he was breathing easier, he tucked his weapon back under the pillow, and lowered himself to the mattress. He stared up at the ceiling for two hours before sleep returned for him.

"You figure out what it is, yet?"

Scully looked up at her partner who was just coming through the lab doors. "I've just completed the second autopsy, Mulder, and I can't find anything amiss so far. No wounds, no toxins in the blood...no evidence of trauma of any kind. I'm baffled."

"Keep looking. There's got to be something."

"Yes, but what?"

"I don't know. *Something* killed these women. Call me if you come up with anything."

"Where are you going?"

"Going to try and find out who or what...if anything, these four women had in common...I'll see you later."

"Hello?"

"Hey."

One corner of Alex's mouth slanted upward. "Didn't expect to hear from you so early."

"Oh....sorry...am I interrupting something? Your boyfriend over?"

Alex grunted. "Yeah, I was just getting ready to lick the grape jelly off of him when you rang."

Fox laughed softly. "Want me to let you get back to it?"

"Nah, that's okay, he can wait....so...how come you're calling me in the middle of the day?"

"I'm on my way back to the lab to find Scully, and I thought I'd call. I wanted to hear your voice."

Alex's jaw tightened. "Doesn't sound like you're coming home today..."

"No. I'm sorry, babe."

"You haven't found anything at all?"

"Not yet. I've visited their jobs, their families and friends...I can't find anything in common."

"Aside from the fact that they all had the same hobby."

"Right."

"Autopsies show nothing?"

"Not that Scully can see, so far."

Alex sighed. "Nothing is ever easy, is it?"

"*I'm* easy..."

The younger man couldn't stifle the laugh. "*That*, I knew."

"Only for you, baby."

Alex groaned softly. "Always a good thing to hear."

"Listen, I gotta get going, but before I do...how are you? Did you sleep okay?"

"I'm all right. I only woke up once."

"Nightmare?"

"No." Too quick.

"Alex..."

"What?"

Fox released a soft breath. "I'll...I'll talk to you tonight."

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

"Bye, babe." Fox hung up and headed back out to the lab. He drove the six mile distance, willing himself to concentrate on the case at hand rather than the beautiful, green-eyed bundle of confusion that he loved more than life.

An impossible task.

He'd bet a week's pay that Alex *had* had another dream last night. He knew that tone...had spent three years now, learning to decipher all the different pitches, pauses and inflections, and he was damn good at it. Maybe he'd be able to get him to talk about it, tonight.

And maybe Cancerman would become a Boy Scout troup leader.

 

* * *

 

The Best Laid Plans  
Part Five continued

* * *

If he was home, he'd be able to get him to talk, but not from this far away. Alex wouldn't want to worry him, especially while he was on a case. Fox resigned himself to that fact, and pulled into the parking lot.

Scully was in the middle of the last autopsy when he walked in.

"Any leads?"

"Nada."

"Well, I may have one...or maybe I'm grasping at straws...I don't know."

Fox stepped closer. "What is it?"

"It would seem that the endorphin levels in all three of the previous bodies was higher than normal."

"Doesn't the body release endorphins in reponse to pain?"

"Yes."

"Yet you found no evidence of stress or trauma."

"None. But when I say higher than normal, Mulder, I'm talking off the scale. I've never seen anything like it."

"So you're saying these women, what? OD'ed? Is that possible?"

"It would appear that way, wouldn't it?."

"Okay, assuming this is what happened...what caused such a massive chemical release?"

"I don't know."

"Want to hear my idea?"

"God, not really, but I'm sure that won't stop you. Listen, I'm just about done with this examination. Why don't we get out of here and get something to eat? I need a break. You can entertain me while we eat."

"You're coming back?"

"Yeah, there are a few more tests I'd like to run."

"Oh....all right." Fox prowled around the room for a short while, then took a seat and waited quietly for his partner to finish. Finally, she pulled her gloves and cap off, and turned to him.

"No different than the rest."

Fox rolled his eyes up into his head and his lids dropped over them.

"Come on," Scully tapped his shoulder as she passed him. "Let eat. I'm starved."

Alex picked up the phone on the third ring. "Hello?"

"Me, again."

"Done for the day?"

"Yeah. Scully is back at the lab, running a few more tests before we throw it in."

"You mean you'll be home tomorrow?"

"I don't see why not, unless these tests show us something new. I don't think she expects to find anything more, though...just being thorough."

"So the case isn't solved?"

"For the record, no."

"What do *you* think?"

"They may all have been abducted at one time. Their systems manipulated somehow...programmed to release an excess of endorphins at a certain time..."

"An excess of endorphins killed them?"

"So it would appear. It's all we've got."

"For what purpose?"

"I don't know. Some type of experiment. One among the many these assholes conduct." Fox stretched out on the twin bed. "Forget about that. It'll never make it into any report, so....how are you today?"

"I'm all right. You?"

"Lonely. The bed is so cold..."

"You're in Florida."

"Work with me, Alex."

"Oh. Sorry. Yeah? My poor baby. It's lonely here, too. I miss feeling your arms around me. And the taste of your mouth..."

Fox breathed audibly into the phone. "What else?"

"You know that sound you just made? It feels so good when you do that in my ear. Sometimes I think that if you did it long enough, I could come from that alone."

"Remind me to try it sometime."

"I'll do that....what are you doing?"

"Lying on the bed...talking to you...getting incredibly turned on."

There was a brief silence, then Alex's voice wafted over the line toward Fox's ear, blanketing him like a fine summer mist.

"Get undressed, lisa."

Fox grinned lazily. "Why?"

"Because I want you to."

Fox reached for his tie, loosening the knot, and slipping it over his head. He then went to work on his shirt, methodically undoing button after button.

"Are you undressing?"

"Yeah. Are you?"

"Already am."

"Oh?"

"Been in bed for about half an hour."

"Why so early?"

"I was waiting for you to call."

"Oh, so you *planned* to seduce me tonight."

"Is that all right?"

"You need to ask?"

"....Are all your clothes off, yet?"

"Yeah."

"Are you hard?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Good. Close your eyes."

"Way ahead of you."

"Kiss me, Fox....your mouth is so soft. And it's sweet, and beautiful, and your tongue...oh, God, it's sliding in and out...like you're fucking my mouth with it."

"I am. I'm showing you what I want to do to your ass...what I want you to do to mine...do you want to fuck me, Alex?"

"More than I want to breathe."

"Put your hand on my chest. You feel that?"

"Your heart is pounding."

"Yeah. I want you so much, Alex. "

"Mmm...tilt your head, baby. I want to find the pulse in your throat..." Alex fought to suppress the sudden image of seeing his hands wrapped around his lover's neck. "It..." he took a deep breath and continued, "...it feels so strong against my tongue. There's a faint taste of salt on your skin..."

Fox writhed on his bed, absently stroking his own chest. "Because you make me sweat."

"I want to bite you, baby. I want to suck your skin into my mouth and mark you."

"Do it."

"But it's hard to control myself sometimes. I'm afraid I'll hurt you...but you just make me so crazy..."

"I don't want you in control, baby. I want to feel you everywhere. Come on, hurt me..."

Alex growled into the phone. "Fox..."

Fox continued, intentionally working his lover into a frenzy. "Do it, Alex. Bite me harder...leave bruises wherever you touch me. I'm yours, baby. Never let me forget it..."

Alex arched and twisted, one hand clenched tightly in his hair. "Lisa...oh, God, I wish you were here."

"Would you love me the way I'm asking you to?"

Soft hiss. "Yes..."

"Would you fuck me until I scream, and then fuck me some more?"

"Christ, baby, I'll fuck you right through the mattress," Alex gasped, "I'll fuck you until you *can't* scream...until you can't *walk*..."

"Promise me."

"Promise...I promise. Oh God, Fox, I can't stand it."

"I feel the same way, but this is too good. Lick the sweat off my chest, Alex...God, your tongue is so soft. I can...I can feel it moving down...so slow...I'm waiting...please, baby..."

Alex took two deep breaths before he spoke. "Your nipples are conracting. Every time my tongue passes a little closer, they tighten more..."

"Touch them, Alex..." Fox's fingers brushed the tip of one brown peak. "Oh, that's good..."

"I love the feel of them on my tongue...so hard...I want to suck them..."

"Oh yeah, baby. Suck them....harder...m-mmm....bite them, Alex.." Fox pinched his nipples, twisting and pulling them, crying out into the phone.

"That hurt, baby?"

"Yes," Fox gasped softly.

"Good. Now, if you want me to continue, you've got to earn it. Touch me, baby...show me how much you want me."

Fox released his reddened nipples, stroking and soothing them, bringing his excitement down a notch. "I'm...I'm lifting my head from the pillow...trying to reach you...my tongue finds the hollow at the base of your throat. You taste so good. I want to lick every inch of you..."

"I'll hold you to that when you get home. But for now, there's only about seven inches of me I want you to lick...right now. And make it good, or this is done."

Fox whimpered. "No....I...I'm rolling over...on top of you, now, kissing you...kissing you...your mouth, it's so...but you're pulling away..."

"I told you where I want your mouth, Fox."

"I'm moving down...licking your throat, nipping at the skin. I can feel your heart as I move over your chest. I feel it pounding before my mouth ever touches the skin there. My tongue is sliding back and forth between your nipples, licking them, first one, then the other. I'm nipping at them..."

Alex blew out an unsteady breath.

"Is that good?"

"You know I like that, baby. But my cock needs some attention, now."

"I'm moving again, down...I'm rubbing against your cock as I go. It feels so hot against my skin. I'm sliding lower, kissing and licking...I can smell you now, and it's making me so hard. I can feel the tip brushing against my chin..."

"Kiss it, Fox."

"I'm wrapping my hand around the base to keep you steady, and kissing gently along the shaft, up to the head. Your skin is like warm velvet on my mouth..."

Alex lay sprawled on their bed, lazily stroking himself, catching the bead of fluid at the tip of his cock with his finger, and spreading it over the head. "I love the feel of your lips on me, lisa..I love...love to see your face when you're sucking my cock. You enjoy it so much..."

"I do. I can't get enough of you. I'm licking the head. The tip...it's salty and bitter...I want more."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah...please..."

"Work for it, baby."

"I'm sucking your cock into my mouth. I can feel it hit the back of my throat, just before I draw back and stop. Just the head is in my mouth now. My tongue is sliding over it...searching the slit..."

Alex arched his back, continuing to caress his cock gently. "Come on, baby. Suck me..."

Four states away, his lover did the same. "I'm...God, I'm sliding back down over you...relaxing my throat...I want you in as deep as you can go...I'm sucking...easy at first, then harder. You're moaning and twisting under me. I can feel your fingers closing in my hair, holding me still, and you start to move..."

"Oh Jesus, Fox, I don't...I'm...bucking into your mouth. Harder and faster, and...shit...oh, *God*."

"You need...need to come, don't you?" Fox panted.

"*Yes*."

"Me too. Let's come, baby. Wrap your hand around your cock and think about being in my ass."

Alex followed Fox's instructions, and gritted his teeth while he began to work his cock, slowly at first, then with increased fervor. "I pull you off of me by your hair and drag you up to my chest. My mouth finds yours and I'm kissing you hard. I taste myself in your mouth. It's about all I can take. Come on, baby, ride me. Oh, that's it. I can...can feel you, lisa...sliding down over me until I'm buried so deep inside you. I need to feel you under me...I'm...rolling you onto your back. I slip halfway out, but I push back in as far as I can. Pull out, then right back in..."

"I'm squeezing you, Alex, every time you pull back. You feel so good...so good inside me..."

"Oh, yeah, squeeze me...you're so warm and silky..."

Fox moved his fist rapidly, up and down his swollen shaft, unable to hold back anymore. His desperately whispered words set the pace. "You're slamming into me now, so hard that the bed is shaking. It hurts, baby...Jesus, it hurts, and...and it feels so good, and I never..never want you to stop."

"My beautiful....Fox....look at me...want to see...see your eyes when you...ah...*shit*...Fox, I'm..."

Alex's hoarse cries resonated in Fox's ear, and then Fox let go, emitting loud, choking sobs as he came over his fist and stomach.

Aside from the double effort to control their insurgent breathing, the two men were now silent.

Alex grimaced, removing his sticky hand from his spent cock. He let it drop to his side on the mattress, and sighed into the phone. "Tomorrow's such a long way off."

Fox's lips trembled into a partial smile. "You mean that won't hold you till then? A very soft laugh was his only reply. His body wiggled slightly, making itself more comfortable, and his fingers unwound from his shrinking cock. "Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"That was good, baby."

"But?"

"But...when I get home, I need..." Fox broke off in mid-sentence, hating how selfish he sounded. Alex was still recovering, and... "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I shouldn't..."

"Shouldn't what? Tell me that you've got needs? You've been so good to me, lisa. So patient. Come home to me and let me make you happy."

"I don't want repayment, Alex. I love you, and the only thing I want from you is for you to be okay."

"I'm fine. And believe me, it's as much for me as it is for you." A smile crept into his voice. "You can't possibly think I'm *that* unselfish."

Fox grinned. "Silly me. What *was* I thinking?"

"It's okay, baby, I understand. You're tired."

"Yeah. Listen, speaking of which, why don't you get some sleep, now? I'm going to check in with Scully, then turn in, myself. Sooner we get to sleep, the sooner tomorrow will come."

"All right. Call me as soon as you have your flight information."

"I will. See you soon."

"I love you, lisa."

"I love *you*. Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight."

Alex disconnected and dropped the phone onto the nightstand. He lay there for a few minutes, then got up and went into the bathroom. When he'd finished cleaning himself up, he got back into bed, and curled up with Fox's pillows, smiling contentedly.

In his motel room, Fox had just completed the same ritual that Alex had done.

He dropped onto his bed, and picked up the phone. Punching in Scully's number, he waited for only two rings before she answered.

"Good timing, Mulder," his partner offered. "I was just on my way out the door."

"Did those tests show anything?"

"Nothing. Which is really what I expected. Those four women were perfectly fine...before they bought it, that is. We've gone as far as we can go with this case. All that's left is to wrap it up with Chief Lopez, and I can do that."

"What do you mean?"

"It's not that late, Mulder. Why don't you see if you can get a flight out. Go home. Surprise Alex. I can finish this up."

The thought of surprising Alex in bed sent a little thrill through Fox's body, and even though he'd borught himself to orgasm not more than twenty minutes ago, his cock began to stir.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Call me back and let me know if you're leaving."

"I will. Give me a few minutes, okay?"

"All right, well, I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, so actually, you could just wait until then."

"Right. See you in a few. Scully?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"No problem. I just *know* you're dying to get back to him."

"You know me well."

Fox hung up and immediately called out to the airport.

No...no, stop. Let me go.

Why, Alexei? Don't you like it?

*No*!

Oh, darling, give Matthew a chance. He so wants to please you...

Noooo....Fox...I want my Fox...

Forget about your Fox. You'll never see him again.

He'll come for me...*no*! God, stop, please, stop...I'm going to kill you, you dirty son of a bitch!

Now, now, darling. Am I going to have to give you yet another lesson?

Don't touch me with that thing...

Fox pulled into the garage, smiling as he exited the car and walked into the house. Clyde met him at the door, whining his usual greeting. He patted the dog's head, and moved deftly through the dark house toward the bedroom. He reached the door, and the smile fell from his face.

He heard Alex before he saw him...whimpering and crying out with rage, struggling against a tormentor who no longer existed except in his dreams. He dropped his bag by the door and rushed into the room, falling onto the bed beside his stricken lover.

"Alex...baby...come on, wake up. You're dreaming..."

I'll kill...kill you, motherfucker.

Take your best shot, Alexei...

Fox froze as glassy dark eyes snapped open, and in an eyeblink, he was staring down the barrel of a gun.

"Alex...wake up, baby..." He spoke slowly and softly, hoping to awake but not agitate the sleeping man. "Justin Saint James is dead and gone. It's me you're holding your gun on."

Fox? Where are you?

Fox isn't here. It's just you and me. Now aren't you going to try to kill me again? Or should I say...*him*...

Fox searched Alex's eyes for some sign of recognition. Only blackness stared back.

"Baby...it's me. It's Fox. I'm home. I came home because I missed you, and I...and I love you. Please wake up and talk to me."

No...he understands. He knows I didn't mean to hurt him.

Oh, darling, of course he does.

Shut up.

He'll never want you back anyway, you know. Not after he sees the tape..not after he sees how you came in Matthew's mouth...

He knows...he knows I didn't want it to happen. He knows I didn't mean...

Will he? I think not. But we shall see, shan't we? Unless of course, you kill me first...

"Sweetheart, please..."

Fox?

I told you, he isn't here.

Fucking liar, I heard him. Fox? I'm s-sorry...I'm...I didn't mean it...

"I love you, Alex."

Forgive me, lisa. I love you so much.

"Please wake up and put the gun down..."

Come on, Alexei...kill me.

No.

No? And why not?

You're already dead. Fox killed you.

Haven't we already had a similar discussion?

Fox issued another soft, shaky plea. "Alex. Please..."

Do it, Alexei...

No.

After all I've done to you, you don't want revenge?

I've got my revenge. You're burning in hell, you sick bastard, and you won't take me there with you.

Why not?

Because I love him more than I hate you.

Fox watched Alex's eyes close, then open part way. His gun hand began to tremble, and Fox gently covered it with his own. He took the gun away with his other hand, then pressed a kiss into Alex's perspiration-coated palm. "It's okay," he whispered. "It's all right."

"Fox? What..." Alex blinked slowly, looking at his surroundings. "You're here."

"Yeah. I'm home."

"I..." he looked down at the gun. "God, what did I do. I almost shot you..."

"But you didn't." Fox stroked his damp brow. "Everything's fine."

"How...how can you say that? I almost killed you *twice*." Alex's chest heaved as his respiration quickened to an alarming rate.

"Easy, baby." Fox moved over Alex, half covering the younger man's body with his own. He pulled the sable head into his shoulder, and held Alex tightly.

Alex's hands clenched in his lover's shirt, gasping and shaking violently. "You shouldn't...shouldn't be here."

"Scully suggested I catch a flight out tonight. She knew how much I missed you..."

"No...you shouldn't...*be* here...."

"You're afraid you're going to hurt me."

Alex nodded. "I don't want to. I could've *shot* you, Fox. Oh, my God. Oh, God..."

"Baby, stop. You're going to make yourself sick."

Alex attempted to push Fox away. "Get off me."

"Why?"

"If you won't go..."

"What? You're going to? Oh, hell no." Fox tightened his grip on the tormented man. "Neither one of us is going anywhere. Just relax, okay? Then we'll talk."

"How can you be so calm? I almost killed you...*again*."

"We'll talk about it when you're more rational. Now, breathe." Fox kissed Alex's jaw, then his neck. He spoke in soft, soothing tones. "Slowly...in and out...that's it, baby..."

Alex's body slumped, and his muscles began to unknot. His fingers again closed in the front of Fox's shirt, gently this time, and he sighed into the material. The trembling subsided, and his breathing began to return to normal.

"What are we going to do?"

"I think you did it."

"What d'you mean?"

"I don't think I woke you up, Alex. I think you did it yourself. Can you recall any of the dream?"

Alex shuddered. "Every word."

"Can you summarize it for me?"

"Do I have to?"

"Please?"

"He..he was taunting me again. Doing the same things he did when I was at his house, but..."

"But, what?"

"He kept trying to provoke me into killing him, but....he knew..he knew it was *you*..I can't explain it..."

"I think I understand." Fox drew back a bit, and looked down into glistening, dark eyes. "You said he provoked you?"

Alex nodded. "He just...he came right out and *said* it. He *wanted* me to kill him...you..."

"What stopped you?"

Alex blinked, then turned his eyes back up to meet his lover's. "You did."

"Me? *Did* you hear me talking to you?"

"I could hear your voice, faintly. He kept saying that it wasn't you...that you'd never want me again after...after..."

"It's all right," Fox murmured. "You know that isn't true."

"I know. Umm....wh-when I say it was you, I don't mean because I heard your voice. I just...I guess what Scully said to me the other day must have registered on some level. I stopped fighting him and thought about how much I love you. Next thing I knew, I was looking up at you."

Fox smiled down at him. "See that? You did it all yourself. I think it's going to be okay, sweetheart."

Alex hesitated, then raised a still shaky hand to his lover's face. "You really think so?"

"Yeah, I do."

The younger man displayed a weak smile. "Why didn't you just take the gun from me?"

Fox laughed softly. "We were *this* close. I didn't really want to risk a struggle, you know?"

Alex closed his eyes and nodded.

"Umm...one other thing...why did you have your gun in bed with you?"

Alex shrugged. "Just felt better. More secure."

Fox opened the nightstand drawer, and placed the weapon inside. He returned his attention to Alex, tilted his head up and grinned when his eyes reopened. "So....aside from all that, aren't you glad to see me?"

Alex wrapped his arms around Fox's back and pulled him down. "God, you know I am. Hurry up and get undressed and get under the sheet. I need to feel you against me."

Fox pulled away from his lover, quickly shedding his clothes, and slipping under the sheet. He wrapped Alex in his arms, kissing him again and again.

"What, no complaints about me throwing my clothes on the floor?"

"Not this time. Don't think you're gonna get away with it tomorrow, though."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Fox nuzzled the sable head tucked under his chin. "How about you try to go back to sleep, now?"

Alex would have liked nothing better than to stay up and make love with Fox for the rest of the night, but the stress of that nightmare and all that came afterward, really had taken a lot out of him. He snuggled against Fox, stringing tender kisses across his chest and shoulder. Within a short time, silence descended on the room.

The feeling that he was being watched struck Fox long before he opened his eyes. His lashes lifted, and the fuzzy visage of his lover appeared before him.

Alex lifted a hand to Fox's head, stroking over the surface of his hair. His eyes wandered over the sleep softened features, taking in the temporary blue-green shade of the half closed eyes, the flushed complexion...those exquisitely swollen lips...and he smiled, feeling *right* for the first time in over two weeks.

Fox blinked up at Alex, giving him a sleepy grin. "I'm still alive?"

"Shut up."

The older man rolled onto his back, executing a lazy stretch, and issuing a challenge. "Shut me up."

Alex pounced on him in an instant, growling as he took Fox's mouth in ravenous kiss. Seconds later his lips gentled, now merely whispering across his lover's, raising more than a few sighs. Fox arched up against him, pressing his rapidly swelling erection into Alex's, and finding that his partner was in the same condition.

"Alexei..."

Alex lifted his head, kissed the tip of Fox's nose, then rested his head in his hand. "Don't kill me, okay?"

Fox's eyebrows drew down into a frown, but he said nothing, allowing Alex to continue.

"Even though you're lounging around here like a man with nothing to do, I'm willing to bet that you're going to be going in to the office at some point today."

"Well, yeah, I should."

"Right. *But*...tomorrow's Saturday."

"Yeah..."

"That means today is Friday."

"Very good, Alex."

Alex shifted, gently smacking his lover's forehead with the tips of his fingers. "Would you listen?"

"It's hard to concentrate on what you're saying when your cock is digging into my stomach..."

"Fine, I'll just..." Alex attempted to lift himself off of Fox's chest, but the other man held him in place.

"Come on, I'll behave. What were you going to say?"

"I was going to say, that I'd really like to wait until tonight...give me a little time to plan something..." The left corner of his mouth twitched. "...special."

Fox chewed on his lower lip. "Special?"

Alex rubbed the tips of their noses together. "Yeah."

"I uh..." he stopped to clear his throat, "I guess I could wait for that."

"You know, I sorta figured you could. Come on, let's get up."

"I'm about as *up* as I can get. What do you think about..." Fox's hand slipped between their bodies, and stroked Alex's stony erection. "..taking a little bit of that edge off..."

Alex reached down, grasping his wrist, and pulling it away. "Oh, no. I want that edge."

Fox's eyes darkened, and a lascivious grin curved his lips. "All right," he said softly, "it's your show."

Alex teased his lips once more before rising to his feet, and pulling him along into the bathroom. He released Fox's hand to reach into the shower and turn on the water. When it was warm enough, he stepped inside, pulling Fox after him. He handed the loofah and the shower wash to the other man.

"Wash me."

As Fox moved to do as he asked, Alex flattened a hand on his chest, momentarily stopping him. "No teasing."

Fox gave him his most tantalizing pout. "Not even a little?"

Alex shook his head slowly.

"Alex..."

"My show."

Grudgingly, Fox followed his instructions, and even though he kept his touches as innocent as possible, he noticed Alex becoming more and more aroused. When he'd finally washed everything he could, and could no longer avoid the inevitable, his hand moved to Alex's groin. He carefully washed the area, drawing his hand slowly down the shaft, gripping it at the base, and gently pulling his fist up to the head, and away. His eyes rose to Alex's face, observing look of rapture that had washed over it. He moved to repeat the action, but the younger man's hand clamped around his, and wrenched it away. The dark lashes lifted, and a forest green gaze was leveled on him.

"Your turn."

Alex took the loofah from Fox, squeezing a generous amount of the thick, silky liquid into it. The older man's eyes drifted shut as Alex worked the sponge across his chest and shoulders, building a rich lather. When he'd finished with the front upper half of Fox's body, Alex turned him around and started on his back. His hand moved purposefully in smooth, firm strokes, massaging and cleansing.

Fox's soft sigh was drowned out by the running water, but the tightening of his body was not overlooked by his lover. Alex moved closer, pressing himself into Fox's back, and caressing his lower body with the sponge.

"Baby," Fox grated, his hips jerking into Alex's hand, "please..."

Alex said nothing. He only took his hand away, sliding it around to Fox's ass, sliding the sponge back and forth between the muscular cheeks.

"*Alex*..."

"Mmmm. There you go, lisa. Nice and clean." He ignored the older man's harsh groan, turning him around. He met the glazed, hazel eyes, smiling sweetly. "You rinse off now. I'll wait for you in the bedroom." Alex gave his ass a quick squeeze, and stepped out of the tub.

"God," Fox moaned, turning the temperature control a bit to the left, making the water a bit cooler. He rinsed off, dried himself, and entered the bedroom where Alex was indeed waiting for him. The younger man was dressed in his customary worn jeans, and a sage green shirt, and he wore a most devious little grin.

"Got your suit all ready for you."

Fox eyed him suspicously. "Yeah....thanks."

Alex tucked his hand inside the towel that Fox had wrapped around his waist, and pulled him toward the bed. "I'll dress you."

"That's...real sweet, but...I think I can handle that myself."

One dark eyebrow arched upward. "*My* show."

"Sorry...forgot. But baby, you're killing me..."

Alex leaned in close, brushing Fox's mouth with his own. "It'll be worth the torture. I promise. Here," he reached down to the bed, picking up the white undershirt and pulling it over Fox's head. Next, he held the gray shirt while Fox slipped into it. "And..."

Fox's eyes narrowed.

Oh, God. Here it comes...

Alex pulled his favorite piece of attire out from under the perfectly pressed trousers, letting it swing from his index finger.

"Alex...you don't expect me to wear that to *work*."

"I don't?"

"You *can't*! I can't walk around the Hoover Building with this thing on..."

"Who's going to know?"

"Me!"

"And this is a bad thing?"

"For *me*, yeah!"

Alex drew his tongue along the older man's jaw. "How bad?"

"Really bad. Alex, please. You can't do this to me."

Alex hesitated, pretending to be thinking about it. His eyes dropped back to Fox's face, and the other man knew he was trouble.

"Yeah...yeah, I can." He pulled the towel from around Fox's waist, revealing a very impressive hard-on. He offered his lover a cocky smirk. "Oooh. Nice." He wrapped his hand around Fox's erection, holding him steady, while he fastened on the leather strapping.

Fox twitched and moaned while Alex worked, and when he was done, pleaded once more with the younger man for mercy.

"Baby, please. I'll do anything for you. *Anything*. Just please, don't make me wear this to work."

Alex slipped the chain through the ring on the first strap, and secured it around Fox's waist. "You *are* going to do anything I want. Starting with this." He finished dressing Fox, then kissed him softly. "Now. Let's go have some breakfast, then you can go to work."

Fifteen minutes later, Fox sat at the kitchen table, enduring more torture as Alex teased him through breakfast. He crumbled his muffin to bits while Alex sat across from him, jeans unzipped, stroking himself as he licked the cream cheese from his cinnamon bagel. The younger man looked up at him and smiled. He picked up the plastic cup containing the cream cheese, and walked over to Fox.

"Want some?"

All Fox could do was look from Alex's face to his cock which was now bobbing invitingly in front of his mouth, and nod.

Alex dipped two fingers into the container, scooping up some of the contents, and smearing it over the length of his cock. He brought his fingers up to his mouth, licking and sucking the residual cream cheese away. That done, the same hand came around to the back of Fox's head, petting the golden-brown silk. "Go ahead, lisa," he coaxed, "have a little taste."

Fox gasped as he leaned forward, touching his tongue to the solid length of muscle. Slowly, he licked away the creamy substance, thoroughly cleaning his lover's cock, while Alex stuggled to hold himself in check. When no trace of the cream cheese remained, Alex pulled him away by his hair.

"Was..." The younger man drew in a deep breath and released it. "...was that good?"

"Mmm, yeah. Alex...let me finish you..."

"No."

"You mean you're going to drive yourself crazy right along with me?"

Alex tucked himself back into his jeans and drew the zipper back up. He leaned down, laying his cheek against his lover's and whispering in his ear. "I want us both as close to the edge as we can get."

Fox met his gaze and gave him a shaky smile. "I think I should be scared."

"Maybe you should be." Alex looked down at his watch. "You should be getting to work now." He backed away, allowing Fox to rise from his seat.

"Oh, God. How am I going to walk around like this all day?"

"I have faith in you. Come on." Alex led Fox out to the garage and pinned him against the car, engaging in a fierce kiss before letting him go. "Think of me today, baby."

Fox tilted his head up, closing his eyes. "How can I *not*? There's a little reminder of you wrapped around my cock, remember?"

"And I know you're not going to take it off, right?"

"How do you know?"

Alex's knuckles skimmed down the front of Fox's pants. "Because I told you not to."

Fox lowered his eyes knowing full well that he'd obey Alex, even though his lover would have no way of knowing for sure if he had.

"Go to work."

Fox got into his car and with one last long look at Alex, pulled out of the garage, and drove away. He squirmed in his seat as he drove, thinking about the morning's events and whatever lay ahead. Whatever it was Alex had planned, he was sure it was evil.

God, that was nice to say.

Alex seemed more himself this morning than he had in over two weeks, and for that Fox was eternally grateful...even if he *was* presently dying a thousand deaths, and his tormentor seemed to be enjoying every second of his agony.

And oh God, he was in agony. His cock throbbed against the restraints, begging to be freed, and though he couldn't ignore it, he did deny his insistent organ's constant pleas.

He made it to work, but not his office, before he was stopped in the hall.

"Agent Mulder?"

Shit, shit, shit...

Fox inhaled deeply, and turned around. "Yes, sir?"

The AD eyed him briefly, then looked around the busy corridor. "Where's Scully?"

"She's still in Florida."

The older man approached him, stopping about a foot away. "Why are *you* here, then?"

"We arrived at a dead end...more or less."

"More or less?"

"Yeah, uh...she believes she's determined the cause of death of those women, but was unable to compile enough evidence to support any one theory on *how* it is they all died from the same thing. She just needed to speak to the Tampa M.E. today, and we'd be out of it. There was no need for me to stay, so I caught a flight back last night."

One dark eyebrow rose above the top edge of Skinner's eyeglasses. "Is there a problem?"

"Sir?"

Skinner's eyes surveyed the hall. "At home..."

"Oh. Uh..n-no. Everything's okay."

"How is he doing?"

The question shocked him. "He'd hit a few rough patches," he answered softly, "had me worried, but he's much better now."

The other man nodded, looking a bit uncomfortable with the conversation he'd started. "All right, well...when Agent Scully gets back, I'll expect a full report."

Fox nodded his acknowledgment, shifting from one foot to the other.

"Is something wrong, Agent Mulder?"

"Hmm? No. Nothing. I'm just...I...I have some work to do, so if you'll excuse me..."

Skinner let his agent pass, watching him disappear down the hall and around the corner. He rubbed a hand across his broad forehead. He'd tried to keep the thoughts...the images out of his mind, but every time he saw Mulder, they popped back into his head, and some of those images made him flush.

Mulder and Alex *Krycek*...Jesus...

Fox made it to his basement office, removing his jacket and throwing it across the chair in front of his desk. His own chair creaked its complaint as he dropped heavily into it. He tilted his head back, breathing deeply and trying not to concentrate on the dull throb behind his zipper. But of course, the more he tried not to think about it, the more he did.

Alex.

Goddamn beautiful, sadistic son of a bitch. Eyes blazing with carefully checked hunger. Teasing mercilessly. So easily decimating his capacity for rational thought. Radiating pure animal joy at his accomplishment.

Christ, and he loved him.

Fox closed his eyes and let the heat penetrate him to the core. His body shuddered at the thought of what Alex would be doing to him just a few hours from now.

Why am I here being tortured when I can be home with him....being tortured...

The sound of his own frustrated whimpers and cries were pushed to the back of his mind by the curious tone of his partner.

"Mulder? You in there?"

"Hmm? Yeah...uh...what are you doing here?"

"I came right in from the airport so we could get going on our report."

"Why didn't you call? I would have picked you up."

Scully shrugged. "It was quicker to just get a car at the airport. What have you been doing?"

"Nothing, I just got in myself."

"From..."

"Home."

At twelve fifty-nine in the afternoon? Is everything okay?"

Fox smiled. "Yeah," he said softly. "Everything is fine."

Scully rolled her eyes up into her head and closed her lids over them. "Okay, say no more. You get in here at almost one o'clock, I walk in to find you on another planet, and you're smiling that goofy smile of yours. I think that pretty much tells me all I need to know."

"So, everything all wrapped up in Tampa?" Fox crossed his legs and winced slightly.

Wrapped up...interesting choice of words...

"Yeah, I...you okay, Mulder?"

"Fine. Why do you ask?"

"You just got this funny look on your face."

Fox uncrossed his legs and tried sitting on his hip. Not much better.

"No. I..I don't know what you mean..."

"Mulder..." Scully studied the expression on her partner's face, then held up her hand. "You know what? Never mind. Umm....everything is as wrapped up as it's going to be from our end. It's the Tampa P.D.'s show, now..."

It's my show.

Fox's eyes closed and a tiny, helpless whimper escaped past his lips. Scully stopped speaking, watching the almost unnoticeable wiggle of his hips.

What the hell...don't ask, Dana. Don't. Ask...

"What the *hell* is your problem, Mulder?"

Fox ran a hand through his hair, and drew a shaky breath. He turned a heavy-lidded gaze on her. "Nothing. Come on, we gotta get this report straight. Skinner said he wanted to see us when you got in."

"Well, I suggest that you douse that flame, Mulder, before we walk into his office."

He gave her a weak smile. "Flame?"

"What am I, stupid? Alex has apparently got you all fired up this afternoon." She displayed a knowing smirk. "As glad as I am to see that he's feeling more like himself, I'd really appreciate not being embarassed when we go to see Skinner."

"Don't worry, Scully, I'll be..." The ringing cell phone interrupted his sentence. "Mulder....what? You what?" He turned his chair around, murmuring into the phone. "Don't...come on, cut it.....oh, shit.........baby, please....baby..............hello?" He let the hand holding the phone drop, dangling over the arm of the chair, while he attempted to drag some air into his lungs.

Scully stifled a giggle, then spoke. "Mulder...Mulder?" She barely heard the choked 'what?' that came from the direction of Fox's chair. "Why don't you take a minute, then we can go see Skinner, and you can go home."

"Can't."

"Can't what?"

"Go home."

"Why not?"

"Not till at least five. Alex told me not to."

"And... since when do you do what Alex tells you to?"

Fox swiveled his chair around to face her. He shook his head. "You wouldn't...I...I promised..." He attempted another smile. "It's his show."

"Uh *huh*. Okay, look. I'm going to take care of a few things, and I'll be back. Could you please cool yourself off enough to speak coherently to our boss by then?"

Scully exited the room, leaving Fox alone to pull himself together. He jerked himself out of his chair and prowled the length of the room, mumbling to himself.

"Okay, come on. You can do this. You've got more self control than he apparently gives you credit for..."

His cock was whispering something else.

He's *got* you. The more you fight it, the harder you'll fall.

Fox stopped pacing, and clasped his hands behind his head. "And he knows it, and he knows *you* know it, and he knows you can't *do* anything about it.....sadistic prick." He dropped back into his chair, letting his head fall onto the desk. "God, I love him..."

Alex sat slouched on the sofa, one long leg hooked over the arm, and the other stretched out before him. A lazy grin played at his lips as he imagined his Fox, so goddamn pretty when he was turned on, trying to maintain some semblance of composure, but not quite succeeding. His eyelids drooped as he thought about his lover, going about his daily business, speaking to this person and that...sitting in Skinner's office...packed into the elevator...paranoid that everyone had suddenly developed x-ray vision and could see through his gray Armani to what he wore beneath. He laughed softly, hearing the curses and vows of revenge in his head. He moaned to himself, thinking ahead a few hours to tonight. By then, Fox would be more than ready...and willing...and desperate...like *he* already was. His eyes closed and he absently stroked the bulge in his jeans.

"Gonna be a long night, Fox baby." He opened his eyes and lifted himself from the couch. Time to start getting ready.

Scully sat on the sofa in Skinner's outside office, while Fox paced slowly, from side to side.

"Mulder, sit down, would you? You're driving me crazy."

Fox glanced at his partner, but continued to pace.

"You know, if it makes you feel any better, it's three-forty eight. You can go home in a little over an hour..."

Scully's words went straight to Fox's crotch, sending unbearable jolts of painful pleasure directly to its center. He stopped in his tracks, shuddering delicately.

"Mul-der....you promised..."

The door opened and Skinner filled the emptied space. He looked from the diminutive red head to her restless partner. His eyes narrowed on the man, then looked back to Scully. "Come in, agents." He retreated into the office and sat down at his desk, waiting for the two to assume their usual seats. He watched the male half of the pair sit stiffly, and frowned.

"Agent Mulder, are you all right?"

"Yes, sir."

"You look like you might in pain."

Pain. That's a hot one. Try writhing agony.

"No, sir, I'm fine."

"Well...then...shall we get on with this?"

Scully handed him the report and she sat quietly, glancing from time to time at her partner who was rapidly descending back into his pit of lust. It irritated her at this precise moment, but she had to admit to herself as she always did, that she envied the two men. Three years later, their passion had only grown. They never seemed to be able to get enough of each other, and what made it even more wonderful was that fueling all that lust was a deep, abiding love that no matter what happened, could never be extinguished.

Fox shifted impatiently in his seat, unable to find a comfortable position. The jostling drew Skinner's attention, who of course looked up just in time to see his agent slouched in his seat, head thrown to the side, eyes closed, and a pained frown wrinkling his brow. He cocked his head, studying the man. Somehow, the expression still managed to have an erotic quality to it. Or maybe that was just his imagination...Christ, he *hoped* his imagination wasn't capable of conjuring up such ideas...

Fox sat gritting his teeth, very well aware that he needed to knock this shit off, but thoughts of Alex naked, on his knees, in front of this very chair, sucking him off while he tried to discuss the case with Skinner, had suddenly popped into his head, and he couldn't rid himself of it.

Scully glanced from her partner to their boss, beginning to squirm a bit herself.

Damn, damn, damn...

She couldn't kick him, she was too far away. There was no way to get his attention without drawing Skinner's...which appeared to be glued on Mulder at the moment....

Both men snapped out of their own private thoughts, and turned attention on the woman who appeared to be trying to cough up a lung.

"Scully? You..."

"Are you all right, Agent Scully?"

"Yes," Scully said between coughs. "I umm...strange, it just...hit me all of a sudden. I just need some water."

Before Fox could react, Skinner was out of his chair. "I'll get you some," he offered, already halfway to the door, grateful for the interruption.

Scully abruptly ceased her hacking and turned to her partner, whispering urgently. "Would you knock it off? He's watching you, you know!"

"I'm sorry," Fox moaned. "God, I'm going to kill Alex..."

"What the hell did he..." She cut off her inquiry as the A.D. re-entered the room, and handed her a small glass. "Thank you." She took a couple of sips, and put the glass down. "It seems to have stopped." She shot a hard glance at her partner, then drew Skinner into conversation.

Fox sat quietly, putting all his effort into pulling himself together, while his partner summarized their trip for the A.D.

"So, what you're telling me is, four women are dead, presumably by a natural occurence in the body that had run amok?"

"Yes, sir."

"No clue on what caused this phenomenon..."

"No, sir."

"Just a little curious, wouldn't you say, Agent Mulder?"

Fox nodded. "Yes...yes it is."

"And you have no opinions on this case?"

"Of course I have opinions, sir, but nothing, as Agent Scully has pointed out to me, that can be supported by evidence."

Hey! You got out a whole intelligent sentence! Mul-der, Mul-der, Mul-der...

"So you have nothing to add."

"No, sir."

The A.D. stared in amazement. "All right, then." All three occupants of the room rose from their seats. One, slowly. "That'll be all. Have a good weekend." Skinner's eyes fell involuntarily on Fox Mulder as he followed his partner out of the office, and didn't leave him until he closed the door quietly behind him. He walked back to his desk, and lowered himself into the chair. The wire-framed glasses hit the desk with a dull clank, and one square hand attempted to gently massage away the beginnings of a very large headache.

Alex lay sprawled on the bed, the light of dozens of flickering candles illuminating his bare skin. He teased himself with a long strip of black silk, stroking it over his thighs, lingering on his cock and balls, then drawing it up his chest, over his face, and back down. He looked over at the clock by the bed, lifted the phone, and dialed.

"I want to thank you again, Mulder, for the most uncomfortable fifteen minutes of my life."

Fox sat at his desk, upper half of his body draped over the flat surface. "I heard you the first five times, Scully...'

"Did you *see* Skinner? Mulder, the man was actually embarrassed. He didn't know where to look!"

Fox's response was cut off by the ringing of his cell phone. His eyes dropped shut as he pulled it out of his pocket and brought it up to his ear.

"Mulder."

"Hey, baby doll."

"Hi."

"Miss me?"

"Of course."

"How's your day going?"

"About the way you expected it to."

Soft chuckle.

"Scully wants your head."

"And you? What do you want?"

Fox glanced up at Scully who was glaring at him out of the corner of her eye, and whispered into the phone. "I got some company here, Alex."

"Scully?"

"Yeah."

"So?"

"What do you mean, so?"

"Scully's far from innocent, lisa. She knows what's up. Tell me what you want."

"Come on, Alex."

"Tell me."

Fox sighed, and lowered his voice even further. "I want your cock in my mouth..."

Scully rattled the contents in one of her drawers, purposely making noise so she wouldn't hear any of her partner's conversation.

"Is that the only place you want it?"

"No." Fox's eyes closed and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I want it in my ass. Hard and deep."

Alex growled softly into the phone. "Soon, baby. You'll be leaving in about twenty minutes, right?"

"Can't I leave now?"

"Not five o'clock yet."

"Why can't I leave until five?"

"Because I said you can't. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Is your cock still hard?"

"Painfully so."

"You okay?"

"I'll be better after I get home."

"Well..." the amused voice purred, "I wouldn't be so sure about that..."

"Christ."

"I'll see you soon."

Fox disconnected and dropped the phone on the desk. His head followed with a loud thud.

"Go home, Mulder."

"Can't yet."

"You two are nuts, you know it?" Receiving no answer, Scully went about the business of filing forensics reports and returning her calls. At five o'clock, she walked over to her partner and tapped the back of his head with her knuckles. "Now. Get the hell out."

Fox lifted his head and looked at his watch. He took a few deep breaths and rose from his seat.

"Are you going to make it through the weekend?"

Fox raised and lowered his eyebrows. "If I'm not in on Monday, you won't need to ask any questions." He picked up his jacket and walked to the door.

"Have fun and tell Alex that I'm going to kill him."

"Right. You leaving?"

"Yeah. One more call to make, and I'm out of here."

"Okay. See ya."

Fox walked to his car, every footstep sending a vibration up his legs, and ending at the tip of his cock. He reached his vehicle, threw his jacket across the back seat, then slid in behind the wheel. He sat for a moment, trying to quell the dizzying thud in his pants, then took a deep breath, started the car, and headed for home.

Naturally, everone and his brother was on the Beltway at this time of day, which was irrtating enough, but when the slow crawl turned into a dead stop, he had to beat down the urge to climb out onto the roof of his car, and start firing.

Ten minutes later, he was still sitting in the same spot.

"Shit." Somehow, the length of chain that hung down his back had become wedged between his ass cheeks, and it was getting more uncomfortable by the minute. "*Shit*." And the more uncomfortable it got, the harder his cock throbbed.

And then the phone rang.

He considered not answering it, but...

"Mulder."

"You sound tense."

"You could say that."

"Are you on your way home?"

"Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"Stuck in traffic."

"Oh, it *is* rush hour, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Like you didn't know, you bastard.

"Well...I guess you'll get here when you get here, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Want to talk to me for a while?"

"Alex..."

"What? I just want to occupy your mind for a little while. You know, help the time go by faster..."

No response.

"So...get a lot done today?"

"Not really."

"Why not?"

"I was a bit distracted."

"Really? With what?"

"Some sadistic son of a bitch cinched up my cock and balls and made me walk around at work like that all afternoon."

"What kind of a perverted sicko would do a thing like that? I mean, my *God*, what is this world coming to? So, did you do it?"

"Yeah, I did it."

"Obedient....aren't you?"

"I can be...when I want to be..."

"And you want to be?"

"I really do..."

"You still at a stand still?"

"Yes."

"Where are your hands?"

"One is on the wheel and the other is holding the phone."

"You don't need to have your hand on the wheel if you're not moving. Drop it down to your lap...did you do it?"

"Yes..."

"Play with yourself until traffic starts moving."

Fox's hand began to move over his crotch, teasing his bound cock. "Mmmmm. God...what are *you* doing?"

"Waiting for you."

The click startled him. "Hello? Alex?"

Son of a bitch.

He got him going, then he hung up.

Fox sat there, cursing Alex to hell while he rubbed himself through his pants, increasing his own torture with every caress.

By the time traffic had started moving again, beads of sweat were trickling down Fox's back, and soaking his shirt straight through. By the time he pulled into his driveway, he felt as though he'd gone swimming in his clothes.

Fox pulled into the garage beside Alex's Porsche, not knowing whether to be more afraid or grateful now that he was finally home. He grabbed his jacket and exited the car, and just as he was walking around the front of it, he was grabbed from behind and thrown forward over the hood. His immediate reaction was to straighten up, but a hand on his back held him down.

"Don't move."

Fox trembled, his upper body still draped over the hood of his car, as his pants were undone and yanked down around his ankles. There was more activity, then he felt his ass cheeks being spread, and a hard, velvet-sheathed object being pressed into the small opening. His screams bounced off the walls of the garage as Alex slammed into him, forcing his hips against the warm metal, again and again.

"*Jesus*! Alex, oh God...*please*..."

His only answer came in the form of a series of clipped grunts that seemed to get louder with each thrust.

"Baby...oh...*shit*! Don't....don't....I need...please..."

His broken pleas were drowned out as Alex came, his choked cries filling the enclosed space.

The younger man collapsed onto his lover's back, fighting to draw breath. Seconds later, his spent cock slipped out of Fox's ass, and he stood up, pulling the shaking man with him. He turned Fox around, kissing him sweetly. "Thank you, lisa. I needed that."

Fox clung to the front of Alex's shirt, and whimpered frantically while rubbing against him.

Alex pushed his lover away, then bent to pull his jeans up. Refastening the zipper and button, he looked Fox up and down.

Oh, yeah. He's dying.

"Unbutton your shirt."

Fox did as he was asked without question.

Alex frowned, looking at the undershirt he wore beneath. He approached, brushing the older man's lips with his own. "I always hated these things." He grasped the neck with both hands, and ripped the undershirt down the middle. He smiled, flicking his finger across one hard nipple. "That's better." His hands went down to the chain around Fox's waist, and unfastening it. "I believe," he said softly, pulling the chain through the ring, then fastening it around Fox's neck, "that we were interrupted the last time we tried this." He gave the chain a gentle tug. "Pull your pants up so you don't break your neck."

Fox obeyed, then quietly followed as Alex led him into the house.

"You hungry, Fox?" Alex asked as they moved through the kitchen. "I cooked us a nice dinner." Not waiting for the other man to answer, he continued. "Let's get washed up, then we can eat."

The two men walked into the bathroom, where Alex turned the shower on, and instructed Fox to undress. When the older man had taken everything off but the cock restraints, he looked over at his lover.

"Probably shouldn't get this wet..."

"Yeah, it'll take forever to dry, and since we're not through with it for the evening...*but*..." he pointed a warning finger, "you will *not* come. Understand?"

Fox nodded meekly.

It took five minutes for Alex to remove the leather strapping. Fox writhed and squirmed with the loosening of each strap, and he needed a little extra time and care to insure that orgasm remained safely out of his reach.

Alex tossed the restraints aside and turned back to his long-suffering lover. He stood quietly, eyeing the naked man, noting the full body flush, and the solid length of flesh, straining toward him. He looked into Fox's eyes, one corner of his mouth slanting upward. The expression gave the older man all the instruction he needed.

Fox stepped tentatively forward, silding one hand up Alex's chest and around his neck. He pressed himself into the younger man's body, resting his head on the ivory cotton covered shoulder while his other hand went to work on the buttons of the shirt.

Alex kissed the side of Fox's head and stroked his hand down the length of his back, over the hard curve of his ass, then back up. He repeated the action over and over again until Fox had his shirt finally, and completely removed.

Fox's mouth wandered over Alex's bared chest, worshipping the bronzed flesh in the way only he knew how. Alternating between teeth and tongue, he made his way down and across, zig zagging between nipples, pulling gently on the sparse, dark hairs, and following the downward path they created until the waistband of Alex's jeans stopped him.

Alex's fingers plunged into the hair of the man who was now on his knees before him. He'd only just come minutes ago, but seeing his Fox this way sent a succession of tingles through his body, and he he knew that in no time at all, he'd be ready again.

Fox's fingers crept up and down Alex's thighs, skimming along the sides and back, then splaying over his denim covered ass, caressing and kneading while he teased the younger man's navel. When he heard the deepening of Alex's respiration, his hands moved around to the front, undoing the button and drawing the zipper down.

Alex, thoughtful man that he was, had worn no underwear tonight, making his lover's job that much easier. His jaw repeatedly tightened and relaxed as Fox pulled his jeans off, then wrapped his hand around his not-so-flaccid cock, and began to gently stroke it. Alex petted the golden-brown head lovingly.

"Mmmm, that's nice. Very nice, but dinner's waiting. Come on, let's get cleaned up."

Fox rose to his feet, accepting the hand that was held out to him, and followed Alex into the shower. They washed each other slowly, Alex taking every opportunity to tease Fox. By the time they finished, Fox was completely wrecked, just barely making it over the edge of the tub and stumbling into the middle of the bathroom where Alex wrapped a bath towel around him, drying him thoroughly.

"You okay, lisa?" Alex whispered softly against his cheek as he finished drying Fox's back.

"No," came the older man's shaky reply.

"You just need some rest. Why don't you get dressed while I dry off, then we'll have a nice dinner?"

Fox began to move away, but a gentle hand on his arm stopped him.

"Don't forget this."

Fox turned slowly, spotting the leather strapping hanging from Alex's hand. Chewing on his lower lip, he took the object from his lover.

"Put it on."

Fox obeyed the soft command, hands shaking as he refastened the straps around his cock and balls, then moved toward Alex. He wrapped himself around the younger man, rubbing his damp head along the line of his jaw.

Alex wound and arm around Fox, hugging him tightly. "Okay, baby," he murmured, "go on, now. Get dressed." He released the other man, and watched as he moved silently into the bedroom. Smiling broadly, he rubbed himself dry, then entered the bedroom where Fox was just beginning to button his shirt.

"Umm....no. No. Leave it unbuttoned."

Fox's hands fell away from the shirt and hung down by his sides.

"Yeah," Alex said looking him up and down. "Very nice. Give me two minutes, okay?"

Fox shifted uneasily, while Alex pulled on a shirt and another pair of jeans. When he was through, he held his arm out, coaxing his lover to his side. He wrapped the extended arm around Fox's waist, and the two men moved together out of the room.

Alex lifted his wine glass to his lips, watching his lover pick at his food. He didn't need to ask what the problem was, he could see it all over Fox's beautifully tortured face. He rose without a word from his chair, and took a seat beside Fox. The older man's eyes focused on him, and he unconsciously licked his lower lip. Alex leaned over and kissed him gently, then lifted his fork to Fox's lips. Fox took the offered food, his eyes never leaving Alex's. They ate their entire meal that way, Alex jumping back and forth from his plate to Fox's, feeding them both.

When the last bite was eaten, Alex put his fork down and threaded his hand through Fox's hair. The older man leaned into the touch, rumbling softly as Alex massaged the side of his head.

"How about some dessert?"

Heavy, golden-brown eyelashes lifted, and a golden-flecked stare was leveled on Alex. The younger man grinned.

"I'm going to clear the table. I want you to go into the bedroom, get undressed, and wait for me. I'll be in soon."

Before Fox rose from his seat, Alex pulled him in for a long, teasing kiss. When he was released, he moved quietly from the table and into the bedroom, where he removed all of his clothing. He left the restraints in place, knowing that Alex had inteded for him to keep it on.

He settled onto his side, drawing his knees up a bit, and hugging a pillow against his chest. His eyes drifted shut as he tried to shift his concentration off of his aching cock and onto something else.

Like his aching balls.

And his aching jaw...it had been clenched in frustration for most of the day.

Hell, when he really thought about it, most of his body ached. Every muscle was like a watchspring being wound tighter than was really bearable. And if he'd read that gleam in Alex's eyes correctly, the torment wasn't over yet. Not by a long shot.

Fox groaned softly and flipped onto his back. The next thing he knew, his eyes were opening...

Opening?

When had he closed them?

And Alex was kneeling over him, awash in candlelight. Smiling that smile.

"Time for dessert."

He stretched out on the bed beside Fox, propping himself against two pillows, and reached over to the nightstand, producing a glass bowl full of chocolate covered strawberries. Fox moved to his side, molding himself against the fully-clothed body. Alex wrapped one arm around his lover as he plucked a strawberry from the bowl.

Fox watched the liquid ooze from the fruit as strong white teeth sank into it. The juice left Alex's lips glistening with moisture, and he stretched up to lick it away.

Alex moaned softly, allowing his lover to lap gently at his mouth. When Fox was through, he took another bite, but instead of chewing, he lowered his head, transferring the piece from his mouth to Fox's. He ate the remaining portion, and again allowed Fox to lick away any remaining moisture from his lips.

"Sweet, aren't they?"

Fox nodded, busily nuzzling and kissing Alex's throat.

Alex lifted another strawberry and inspected it. "I picked them up at George's Farm down on Slocum Road. Who the hell knew these things got this big?"

Fox stopped kissing his neck and looked up at him. Alex turned his attention back in his lover's direction. He held the strawberry to Fox's lips and smiled when he refused it. He bit into the fruit and brought his mouth down on Fox's, letting the older man feed from him. When the strawberry was gone, they kissed madly, Alex allowing Fox to scour the sweet interior of his mouth, and suck hungrily on his tongue.

They went through six strawberries that way, and by the time Alex set the bowl on the nightstand, Fox was in a near state of delirium, fidgeting and rubbing himself against his lover's thigh.

"I got something else for you," Alex whispered against Fox's mouth as he caressed the bare hip and upper thigh. His hand slipped away from Fox's body and dropped to the waistband of his jeans.

Fox whimpered in anticipation as he felt movement, then heard the faint grind of the zipper being drawn down. Alex's fingers clenched in his hair and gently pulled his head back until their eyes met.

"All yours."

Fox slid down Alex's body, stopping when his head was parallel to his lover's crotch. He parted the material, allowing Alex's cock to rise toward his mouth. He lowered his head and flicked delicately at the flared head with the tip of his tongue.

Alex inhaled deeply and tried to relax as Fox paid loving attention to his cock. One hand came up to his shirt, slowly undoing the buttons, cueing Fox to pull his jeans down and off. When he was completely stripped of his clothing, Fox returned to his cock, licking and lightly sucking the tip.

Fox hooked one leg around Alex's thigh and rested his head on his hip as he continued to worship his lover's swollen cock. One hand cupped the heavy sac that hung below, caressing and squeezing gently.

Alex's back arched, and a deep moan rolled past his lips.

"Mmmm....oh God, baby...God, I could die happy in that mouth..."

Alex's words felt like that first swallow of Coke, fizzing and burning down the throat, past the chest, and into the stomach. Only, it didn't stop there. It worked its way lower, pooling in Fox's groin, causing further agony to his already tortured cock. He released a hard breath and swallowed Alex's entire length in one fluid movement.

"Aww, *fuck*! Jesus, baby...ah...oh, yeah..." Alex's head rolled back and forth on the pillows, and his hands twisted in the sheets as Fox's greedy mouth worked him continuously.

It's now or never, Alex. Pull him away or come down his throat and continue the torture until you're hard again...

Alex's cock made the decision for him.

Fox felt that first rush of hot fluid hit the back of his throat, and he swallowed that and more as he bucked in vain into the mattress.

When harsh cries faded to soft purrs, Alex's eyes blinked open to find those of his distressed lover looking back at him. "Alex," Fox whimpered, "please..."

Alex pulled Fox up onto his chest, kissing him soundly, and tasting himself in his lover's mouth. "I'm sorry, lisa," he panted, "not quite yet."

"Alex," Fox pleaded, squirming against him, "I don't think...I can't take it..."

Alex brushed the hair away from Fox's forehead. "Yes you can, baby," he encouraged softly. I know you can."

And he did. He always knew unerringly, the precise moment that Fox had reached his limit, and in typical Alex fashion, would always push him just a hair beyond it.

"No..."

"Fox." Alex grasped a handful of hair at the back of the older man's head. "Do you love me?"

Fox grimaced and squeezed his eyes shut, but opened them quickly as he felt the grip tighten.

"Do you love me?"

Glazed hazel eyes met sober green, and Fox nodded as much as the tension on his hair would allow.

Alex unclenched his fingers. He smiled softly at Fox, stroking and smoothing the golden-brown strands. "And you'll give me what I want?"

Fox nodded again, hypnotized by the unblinking pools of deep green. "Any...anything you want."

The thing was, he wasn't just saying it in the hopes of getting laid quicker. He meant those words.

Anything Alex wanted.

Always.

His precious love had been returned to him, and he could never be grateful enough.

Alex had been forever changed by the events of the past few weeks. To be utterly unfazed was an impossibility, even for him. But despite his captor's best efforts, he emerged from the eternal hell intended for him, his strength and his will, fully intact.

And he chose today to excercise both.

Fox grunted softly as Alex propelled him onto his back and devoured his mouth. He wound his arms around the younger man's neck, only to have them pulled away and pinned above his head.

"Don't move."

Alex rose from the bed and disappeared into the closet, leaving Fox to contemplate his fate. He writhed and moaned softly to himself as he considered the possibilities.

"Come on, now, quit squirming so I can..." Alex had returned and straddling Fox's chest, attempted to get his wrists cuffed to the headboard. Mission finally accomplished, he blindfolded his lover with the strip of black silk that he'd been teasing himself with earlier. "So, *so* pretty..." Alex covered Fox's mouth with his own, muffling the frantic whimpers. His tongue plunged inside, invading the darkness, still tasting remnants of his most recent orgasm.

Fox strained against the fleece-lined cuffs, arching against Alex's body as he sucked voraciously on the tongue probing his mouth.

Alex pulled away suddenly, kissing the tip of Fox's nose. "Want me to fuck you?"

"Yes..."

"You want to come?"

"*Yes*...*please*!"

"You gotta get me hard again, first. Can you do that?"

"How? You've got me cuffed..."

"I'll show you how, baby."

Silence descended but there was movement, and Fox felt an object of medium width and length being slowly inserted into his ass. He gritted his teeth, taking the entire length of the vibrator, and shuddering deeply as it was turned on.

"Oh, God," he whined. "Aleeeex...."

"You like that, baby?"

"Please...help...help me..."

More movement. "I am helping you..." A hand at Fox's head turned it to the side, there was more shifting, and then his mouth was teased open by the velvety head of his lover's semi-erect cock. "I'm helping us both," Alex sighed softly from somewhere in the vicinity of the older man's bound cock. He grasped the end of the vibrator, and rotated it gently as he worked it in and out of Fox's ass.

Fox screamed in agony, letting Alex's cock drop from his mouth. He bucked against the vibrator, feeling the explosion rolling in so close, but never close enough to actually detonate.

"Please," he sobbed, a single tear of frustration forming in the corner of his eye.

Alex slid the vibrator out, almost to the end, then plunged it back in as he lapped at the head of Fox's throbbing erection.

"*No*!" the older man shrieked, thrashing wildly. "I can't...can't....Alex, please, *stop*!"

Aside from turning him on incredibly, 'stop' meant nothing to Alex. Unless Fox used the safe word they'd agreed on long ago...and he never did...Alex would continue.

He released the darkly flushed head from his mouth, and lovingly kissed the tip. "I'll fuck you, baby, when I'm hard. I'm almost there. Come on, lisa. Suck me."

Fox's head shifted around, his mouth searching for and finding his lover's nicely thickening cock. He sucked it into his mouth, growling as he furiously worked Alex into a similar frenzy.

Alex resumed thrusting the vibrator into Fox's ass, maintaining an erratic rhythm, while his teeth lightly scraped over the head of his cock.

A heavy sweat broke out on both men as each fought their separate battles. As Alex began to lose his, he pulled out of Fox's mouth and withdrew the vibrator. He lay panting heavily for a few moments while beside him, Fox twisted and begged for release.

"Fox" he panted. "...*Fox*...listen to me. I'm going to take the straps off..."

Fox whimpered his approval.

"...take a few deep breaths. Relax as much as you can. Do *not* come. If you do, I won't fuck you again for a month, do you understand?"

Fox nodded, doing his best to draw deep, steady breaths.

The removal of each strap was greeted by a long, guttural moan, and plenty of squirming, but the thought of Alex's promise helped Fox hold himself in check until the device was completely removed.

"That's my good baby," Alex whispered, dropping a number of tiny kisses along the quivering length of his lover's cock. He kissed and nibbled his way upward, settling his body on top of Fox's, and issuing a clipped grunt when their erections pressed together.

Fox's jaw clenched until he thought his teeth would crack. Suffering like this had only existed in a world long ago and far away, and then, as now, it was Alex who had finally pulled him through, and rescued him from the unbearable agony. So, okay, this time around Alex was enjoying the hell out of his torment, but...

Alex groped around in the tangle of sheets for the lube. His fingers finally wrapped around the tube, and he placed it down within his line of sight.

"Baby, I'm going to uncuff you, okay? I want to feel you wrapped around me while I fuck you."

Fox lay still while Alex inserted the key into the lock and freed his hands. As soon as he could move, he wound his arms around his lover's back. He blinked up at Alex, trying to focus his fuzzy amber gaze as the blindfold was also removed. "Alex," he rasped, clenching his fingers in the taut muscles of his lover's back, "I need you. Please...I've been good....don't make me wait anymore."

Alex stroked Fox's cheek as his mouth trembled into a smile. "Yes, you have been good, baby. You've done everything I've asked you to."

Fox nodded, spreading his legs and winding them around Alex's hips. He pushed upward, whimpering wildly.

Alex pulled away, forcing himself from Fox's strong grip. "Wait, lisa...wait..." He grabbed the tube that he'd dropped down beside Fox's leg, and flipped the top up.

Fox's eyes dilated until only slivers of green and gold could be seen, as he watched his lover carefully apply a generous coating of lube to his cock. "Hurry, baby," he whispered breathlessly. "I need you so much."

Alex completed his task, then once again lowered himself to Fox's overheated body. Immediately, he again found himself wrapped in the strong circle of Fox's arms and legs. He grasped his cock at the base and guided it to his lover's ass. "You gonna come good and hard for me, baby?"

Fox nodded, unable to get any intelligible words past his lips.

Alex pushed forward, teasing the clenching anal muscles with the slick head of his cock. He watched through slitted eyes as Fox's mouth dropped open, and a hard, stuttering breath tumbled from it. The head disappeared inside the tight opening, and Fox's teeth gritted on the inhale, creating a loud, hissing sound. "You promise?" Alex asked, inching in a tiny bit more.

"Promise," Fox croaked, finding his voice. "I promise...*please*, Alexei..."

The breath died in Fox's throat as he felt himself filled with his lover's heat. It returned as Alex withdrew, only to be forced out again by a hard thrust.

He could feel it. The storm. It was coming, and this time nothing would stop it. An entire day of torture...wonderful, agonizing torture at the hands of his deliciously sadistic, amazingly beautiful Alex, and it all came down to this. Seconds of indescribable bliss. Screaming, clutching, sweating rapture.

Seconds. A matter of seconds, and it would be over. After *hours* of suffering.

Worth it?

Fuck, yeah.

Would he allow Alex to do it to him again?

Damn skippy.

Alex thrust a hand under Fox's head and grabbed a handful of hair, holding his head still as his mouth came down hard on the lush, full lips. His free hand wrapped around his lover's cock, and matched the rhythm of his thrusting hips.

Fox wrenched himself away from Alex's mouth, wailing obscenities into the air. His fingers dug into the younger man's back, his short nails still managing to leave red marks that criss-crossed the healed wounds of only a few weeks ago.

Alex winced, the small pain feeding his excitement. He firmed his grip on his lover's cock, and began to pump it mercilessly as he drove deeper.

The wailing turned to all out screams, and Fox thrashed beneath Alex as the world shattered into tiny shards of light.

"Oh, yeah..." Alex gasped, pounding furiously into Fox's ass as his lover shot slick, opaque fluid over his chest and Alex's fist. "Let it...let it go, baby..."

The screams switched to frantic, choking sobs as Alex continued without abatement, ramming again and again into Fox. He kept working his lover's cock, refusing to let go...unable to.

As Alex proceeded to drive his body into the mattress, mini waves of escatsy continued to wash over Fox, and he lay limply beneath the younger man, shuddering with each vibration.

Alex finally felt his own orgasm approaching...slower due to the fact that he'd already come twice this evening, but no less powerful. When it hit, his body tensed, then began a series of erratic spasms as he emptied himself into his lover.

Fox's fingers closed weakly in Alex's hair as the younger man shuddered and groaned harshly, falling onto his chest. They lay together, whimpering almost inaudibly as the blood once again flowed freely through their veins. When he was able to, Alex lifted his head a fraction, and smiled down at Fox. Exhausted, amber eyes glowed softly as the older man stared back, and full, rosy lips curled slightly upward, too weak to give Alex a full smile. His eyes closed and he attempted to concentrate on speaking a few words, but no sound would come forth.

Alex brushed his knuckles down the side of Fox's face, and across the swell of his lower lip. "What do you want to say, lisa?"

The golden-brown eyelashes fluttered once then ceased, and Fox's respiration evened out and deepened. Alex studied him for a moment, and smiled. He was asleep. He dropped a tender kiss on Fox's mouth, then moved lower on his chest, gently cleaning away all traces of residual semen with his tongue. The action roused Fox, and his eyes opened a sliver.

"Mmmmm....."

"Shhhhh." Alex kissed the spot he'd just finished bathing. "Go back to sleep."

"No....sorry, didn't mean to..." Fox blinked sluggishly, struggling to wake up. "Don't want to sleep yet."

"No?"

The other man shook his head.

"Why not?"

"Just...want to be with you..." Fox combed his fingers through Alex's hair. "...kiss...talk..."

The younger man rested his cheek on Fox's chest and grinned up at him. "You still want to talk to me?"

"Shouldn't." Fox attempted a pout but didn't quite pull it off. "After what you did to me...."

"Awww. I'm sorry, baby."

"No you're not."

Alex slid up Fox's chest, stopping when they were eye to eye. "Neither are you."

More awake now, Fox grinned up at his lover. "You're an evil, evil man."

"And you love it."

"I shouldn't make it so easy for you."

A michievous glint came to Alex's eyes. "That could be fun, too."

The humor faded from Fox's eyes and was immediately replaced by boundless adoration. He brought a hand up to Alex's mouth, tracing the line of his lower lip. "I love you."

In answer, Alex lowered his head and took Fox's mouth in a soft kiss, gently coaxing his lips apart. His tongue slipped in past the row of teeth, finding and engaging his lover's tongue in a playful duel.

Fox sighed into Alex's mouth, his tongue stroking and teasing its mate. His hands slid up his lover's back, traveling over the weeks-old scars, and encountering the fresh welts he'd inflicted. He pulled away from the kiss and pressed Alex's head down onto his shoulder so he could look at the younger man's back. His fingers traced the new marks, then his arms encircled Alex gently.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't...I didn't realize I'd..."

Alex kissed Fox's collarbone. "It's all right, lisa. It doesn't hurt."

"I didn't mean to..."

Alex lifted his head and met Fox's eye. "Come on, it's okay. It's not the first time one of us has scratched the other up, and..." he inclined his head and nipped gently at Fox's nipple, "considering how rough we play sometimes, I'm sure it won't be the last."

"Yeah, but..."

"I'm fine," Alex interrupted. "He didn't screw me up so much that I can't make the distinction between his twisted actions and my baby's passion."

Fox lay silently, his fingertips whispering over Alex's back.

"Hey," Alex nuzzled his jaw. "You okay?"

"Yeah. I j...I just ...I keep thinking about what it must have been like for you, not knowing where you were...being beaten and..." he couldn't finish the sentence. "...and I can't...I can't stand it. I want to kill him over and..." he gritted his teeth "...*over*..."

Alex kissed his chin, then his mouth. "Lisa..."

"I shouldn't have left you. I'd been feeling uneasy for days, and yet, against every instinct, I let you talk me into going to work."

"You can't shoulder the blame for that, Fox. It isn't right. You know, if it weren't for your persistence, I might still be there...and God knows how much worse things would have been. You saved me from a whole lot more shit, baby."

Fox raised his eyes to Alex's face.

Alex rested his forehead against his lover's, and grinned down at him. "My hero." When his only response was the same somber expression, he growled softly, capturing Fox's bottom lip between his teeth, and giving a little shake of his head. Receiving a smile and a soft laugh from the older man, he released his lip, then passed his tongue across the tiny indentations that his teeth had left.

"That tickles."

"Yeah?" Alex swiped at Fox's mouth again.

"Come on, cut it out..."

"You weren't saying that half an hour ago."

"That was then, this is now."

"I could have you begging to be fucked in less than twenty minutes."

"You think so, huh?"

"I know so."

"What makes you so damn sure?"

"Cause I'm *good*."

"Conceited prick."

The rich, satiny sound of Alex's chuckle filled the room. "You say the sweetest things."

Fox's hand traveled down Alex's back to the curve of his ass. He lightly caressed the smooth muscles, occasionally giving a gentle squeeze. "Question."

"What?"

"If I hadn't been able to hold it...would you really not fuck me for a whole month?"

Alex closed one eye and grimaced. "I don't know. I'd try real hard..."

Fox gave him that patented heart-melting, cock-hardening pout. "You would?"

"I said I wouldn't *fuck* you. I said nothing about jerking..."

Fox smiled.

"And sucking..."

"Mmmm..."

"And then I could always sit back and watch you get *yourself* off. That's always big fun."

Fox gave his ass a hard smack.

"Shit! What was that for?"

"Because I felt like it."

"Fresh."

"I'd give you three days and then you'd be all over me."

"Oh, really? Are you trying to say I have no self-control?"

"That's what I'm sayin'."

"I have plenty of self-control, thank you. Just...not with *you*, ya slut."

"Wait...gimme a minute, and I'll try to look sorry."

"Ah, don't bother."

Fox smirked and pulled Alex down for a long kiss. He released the younger man's mouth, and hugged him to his chest.

Ales sprawled comfortably over Fox's body, tucking his head under the lightly stubbled chin. "Know what?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm tired all of a sudden."

"I know," Fox murmured, idly combing his fingers through the fringe of sable hair at the base of Alex's neck. "Me too."

Alex kissed the warm skin beneath his mouth, tasting the faint flavor of sweat and the remnants of his lover's recent climax. "I love you, baby," he whispered as he gave himself up to the lethargy that had come to claim him.

"I love *you*. Goodnight, sweetheart."

In the fuzzy remains of consciousness, Alex heard the comforting tone of his lover's voice. Felt the warmth of his embrace, and sank contentedly into sleep, knowing that when he woke in the morning, he'd do so in the loving circle of his Fox's arms. He'd open his eyes and he'd be home.

END

Feedback: Yes, please. You can reach me at 

 

* * *

 

Admissions IX: Recovering Part 1  
by Aries  
  
Rated NC-17 m/m sexual situations and some bad language  
Summary: Alex just hasn't been the same since he returned from his little stay with Justin Saint James. He must exorcise his demons before his destructive behavior loses him everything that's ever meant anything to him in his life. Namely Fox.  
Disclaimer: You know the drill. Don't make me say it again. The thought alone that these beautiful, beautiful boys don't belong to me sickens me.  
Super colossal thanks to Nic for beta. And thanks to Ori *and* Nic for still enjoying this seemingly endless series. Have no fear chickies, number ten is rolling around up there in my head...  
Clyde is dedicated to and a little more than loosely based on Merlin, my sweet, sometimes dopey but always fiercely devoted German Shepherd whom I lost to cancer on May second of this year, just three weeks before his tenth birthday.  
While I love my other two Shepherds dearly, he'll always be first in my heart.  
Feedback: It's a good thing. You can reach me at   
http://www.squidge.org/terma/aries/aries.htm  
http://members.tripod.com/Joy_hs/Aries/Ariestitle.html

* * *

Admissions IX: Recovering Part 1  
by Aries

We were all wounded in some domestic war  
I found you to settle my score  
You looked like father  
You felt like mother  
My mind told my heart  
there is no other

And I gave you my soul  
and every ounce of control  
And I gave you my skin  
and my original sin  
And I gave you my pride and my side  
Oh, my pride

Ain't that enough  
I turned your dreams into lightning  
Ain't that enough  
I held the world back for you  
Ain't that enough  
I loved you past the point of dying  
Ain't that enough of me for you

Enough of Me  
by Melissa Etheridge

Recovering  
Part One

Dear Alex,

I know I'm probably the last person in the world you'd ever expect to hear from. I'm sure I'm the last person you'd *want* to hear from, but it's been almost nine months since we were freed from Justin, and I'm still having some problems. My doctor has suggested that I write you this letter as a sort of therapy. I refused to do it at first, but the nightmares and flashbacks are getting so bad, Alex. I can't take it anymore.

You might laugh at this letter. You might want to track me down and blow my head off. Or you might just tear this up and throw it away without ever having read it. I have no control over what happens once I mail this, but my doctor says that no matter what you do, it will have been good for me to write out my feelings.

Alex, Doctor Peters has suggested that we meet. He knows everything that happened, and he really thinks that the only way I'm going to get past this is to confront you about with it and talk it all out.

I know you must think I've got one hell of a nerve asking you for *anything*, but I'm trying hard here to take control of my life. I don't *want* to be the scared, easily manipulated puppet that Justin used and screwed up so badly, and settling things with you is an important step in fixing that.

Please, could you maybe just find it in your heart to meet with me once? We can do it on your time. Anywhere you want. My doctor has agreed to fly out with me to any place you name. Please, Alex. I hope to hear from you soon. I think it could benefit us both.

Sincerely, Matthew

The late afternoon sun glistened on the hood of the black Porsche as it rumbled into the driveway and slipped into its spot beside its garage mate. The tall, darkly dressed man exited the car and, pulling his sunglasses down to the tip of his nose, walked over to the Ford and placed his hand on the hood. Cool metal met his fingers, indicating that his lover had been home for a while. He prowled into the house and was immediately pounced on by ninety plus pounds of howling, wagging German Shepherd.

"Oh, *God*." Alex fought to remain balanced as the dog leapt all over him. "Yeah...hi, Clyde. For Christ's sake, I've only been gone three days!"

"He's almost two years old," the amused monotone drifted from the doorway of the kitchen. "When *do* you think he'll be past the dopey, puppy stage?"

Alex finally managed to get the dog off of him and walked over to the smirking man. "I keep telling you, male Shepherds don't fully mature till they're about three." He stopped only when their bodies were lightly touching and leaned in for a long, tender kiss. "Missed you," he whispered when they finally parted.

Fox wound one arm around his returned lover and plucked the sunglasses from his face with his free hand. "I missed you too," he murmured, now able to look into his lover's eyes. "Sorry about the way we left things."

"Me too," Alex murmured, running his hands up and down Fox's back.

"Mission accomplished?"

"I think so." Alex held Fox to him, kissing a moist path up the side of his neck. "These new friends of Smokey's..." He shook his head and smiled, "..what a bunch of clowns. I waltzed right in there, found what I was looking for, and waltzed right out. I can't believe how lax security is around there."

"Are you sure it was that easy," Fox asked, knowing that he was probably looking for trouble, "or did they just *let* you blow through?"

"No," Alex answered emphatically, lifting his head to look at the other man. "It was just that easy."

Fox nodded, giving Alex a tiny smile.

"What are you thinking?"

Fox lowered his head and considered his answer to the question.

More and more lately, he had become concerned about the way Alex had been throwing himself into these Consortium-related projects of his. He used to be a patient man. Never made a move before he was absolutely sure of what it was he was doing and why. He would have everything worked out down to the most minute detail. He knew what time each member would be at the offices, where they would be when they weren't there, and if need be, what time any one of them used the can. But recently, Fox saw him making moves before he had all his information secured, and he was worried. It was as if Alex was trying to prove something, and Fox had a pretty good idea what that something was.

Alex had recovered fairly well from his encounter with Justin Saint James, but not completely. The nightmares still haunted him from time to time, and though he seemed happy and normal enough to any outsider, there was this little something about him...a fear he kept tightly locked away, but Fox, the only person in the world who could see straight through to his soul, knew it was there.

Alex was deathly afraid he'd lost his edge.

Not such a horrible thing for anyone but Alex Krycek. His sharply honed instincts and astounding audacity were as much a part of him as the organs that kept him alive, and he depended on them to keep them both safe. The thought that he might one day fail Fox when his lover's life might depend on him was far more than he could accept, and so, to prove to himself that he was still the man he was, he would go out and put himself in more danger than he needed to, almost daring someone to confront him.

Fox had begun to take notice several months ago, and when he called Alex on it one day, Alex denied it vehemently. Fox continued to push the issue, and all hell broke loose. They fought bitterly for hours, gave each other the silent treatment for several more, and then it was Fox who finally put an end to the standoff with an apology and a declaration of his deep love for the younger man.

Knowing that Fox was simply concerned, Alex accepted the apology, issued one of his own, and they ended the night in each other's arms, making love until dawn.

Nothing had changed, however. Alex continued his nerve-wracking behavior, and Fox continued to worry, though in the interest of peace, he usually did so in silence.

It was starting to wear on him, though, and he just knew that sometime soon, they were going to have to have it out again. Only this time, Fox would not give in. He couldn't. Not if they were both to remain sane and alive.

"Fox."

The older man looked up into suspicious, green eyes. "Baby, we have to talk."

Alex let go of his lover and brushed past him. "What about?"

"You know what about."

The younger man walked over to the table and began sorting through the mail. "We're not going to do this again, are we?"

"Alex...can you understand that I'm worried? I love you, baby, and I can't stand to see you like this."

"Like what?" Alex snapped. "You making me out to be some kind of basket case?"

"No, of course not. It's just..you know, maybe we *should* have listened to Scully when she suggested that you see someone."

Alex discarded the envelopes one by one, slamming them down onto the table. "I'm not nuts."

Fox raised both hands to his face and sighed into them. "I didn't say you were. You're completely sane. You're just..you're not dealing with what happened as well as we thought..."

Alex turned the last envelope over, a slight frown creasing his brow. "Oh, no?"

"No."

"I think I'm dealing with it just fine, thank you."

Fox stood, quietly banging the back of his head against the door while Alex opened up the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of lined paper. The look that crossed the younger man's face had Fox at his side in an instant, forgetting about the fight they had just narrowly avoided.

"Alex? Sweetheart, what's the matter?"

Except for the barely perceptible quivering of his lower lip, Alex stood stone-still, gaping at the letter.

"Alex..."

Receiving no response, Fox gently took the letter from his lover's grasp and quickly scanned it.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me."

Alex closed his eyes and took a deep, stuttering breath.

Fox pulled out a chair and carefully lowered the shaken man into it. "Alex?" He stroked the sable head. "Baby, are you okay?"

"Throw it away," Alex rasped then turned glazed eyes up to the other man.

"Alex..."

"I'm all right, just throw it away!"

Fox took one look into the wild, dilated eyes and decided it would be best to just do as he asked. He dropped the letter and envelope into the small trash barrel and returned to Alex. "Okay?" he asked, drawing a hand back and forth across the younger man's shoulders.

Alex sat silently for a while, head down, eyes darting back and forth, then Fox felt him physically force himself up and out of the chair.

"Clyde, you wanna go for a walk?"

The dog leapt to his feet and trotted over to where his leash was kept.

"I'm okay," Alex said less than reassuringly. "I'll take Clyde for a walk, and I'll be fine." The dog approached, carrying his leash, and Alex took it out of his mouth, snapping it onto his collar. "I'll be back in a little while."

Silently, Fox watched Alex leave with the dog, his mind and heart racing. A few seconds later, he turned and retrieved the letter from the trash, reading it over and over again as he sat down at the kitchen table.

"Why now?" he whispered, tapping his fingers on the wooden surface. "Shit. Why ever?"

Alex walked along in silence, listening to the familiar sounds of the neighborhood settling down for the evening. Clyde matched his pace, eyes and ears always alert, taking notice of every sound or movement around them.

The two crossed the street and headed for the park where Alex let the dog off his lead and found a stick big enough for a game of fetch. Clyde immediately began to yap at his master, insisting that he hurry up and begin the game.

Looking around to make sure that no one was in Clyde's path, Alex threw the stick as hard as he could, and the dog streaked after it. As Clyde retrieved the stick, Alex stood quietly, thinking about the events of the last hour.

Hell of a homecoming.

First, the tension between him and Fox, and then that fucking letter from Matthew.

Matthew. What the hell did he want? Alex was sure he'd made it clear the day they left the hospital that he wanted no further contact with the young man. And now, here he was, writing him a letter...asking if they could *meet*.

He's gotta be out of his fucking mind. Why the hell should I give a shit what kind of problems he's having after what he did to me...

He tried to shake the images from his mind, but they would not leave.

Justin Saint James's smiling face...hovering over him just before that whip broke open the skin on his back...that sickeningly sweet way he spoke...Matthew's mouth on him...draining him of more than a little semen...

The sound of growling brought Alex shuddering out of his thoughts. He looked down to find Clyde prancing around him, stick in his mouth, ready to go again. He reached down to take the stick, and Clyde decided to play tug of war, pulling and growling.

"Okay, Clyde, okay, that's enough. Aus."

The dog released the stick the instant the one word command was given and began circling Alex, barking incessantly. He threw the stick again and fell back into deep contemplation, his thoughts again going to Fox. He grimaced, asking himself how he could treat his lover the way he had.

Against some pretty staggering odds, Fox had found and rescued him from the hell created by that bastard who had dared to take him from their home. He'd killed for him, for Christ's sake. Never left his side at the hospital...took him home, cooked for him, held and comforted him even when Alex's nightmares had proven nearly fatal for him ...loved and wanted him even after he'd found out what had happened with Matthew...

Alex raised his hands to his face, groaning softly as Clyde returned, circling him madly.

He had to go home. He had to wrap his arms around Fox, beg his forgiveness and find some way to put Matthew's letter out of his mind and keep it out.

He bent and wrestled the stick from the dog's mouth.

"Once more, Clyde, then we're outta here."

Fox moved from the oven to the counter as the sound of the kitchen door caught his ear. He felt the approach of his lover, and before he could turn around, Alex's hands slid up over his shoulders, massaging gently. The weight of the younger man's head rested against the back of his neck, then he felt a soft whisper of a kiss and a genuinely issued apology.

"I'm sorry, lisa. I didn't mean to..."

Fox turned, looking warily into repentant, green eyes. "I know." He rested his hands against Alex's chest as the younger man pulled him into his arms. "Not the best welcome home you've ever had."

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have reacted that way. To you, *or* to that letter. It's not important. It means nothing. I'm fine; let's just forget about it."

Fox lowered his head. "You keep telling me you're fine..."

"Because it's true."

"I don't think it is, Alex, or you wouldn't have reacted the way you did. You wouldn't take some of the chances that you do."

Alex shook his head but said nothing.

Fox pitched forward until their foreheads rested against each other. "Baby, a walk with Clyde isn't going to make it all go away."

No response.

"There's nothing wrong with feeling vulnerable, you know."

Alex pulled away suddenly. "There *is*, Fox. For *me* there is."

Somber, hazel eyes dropped their gaze down to the floor.

Alex returned and stood before the older man, gently rubbing his upper arms. "Not with you, lisa. I didn't mean with you. You're the only person in the world I've ever felt safe enough with to open myself up completely..."

"But you *don't* anymore."

"Sure I do..."

Fox lifted his head. "You don't. If you did, you'd talk to me about this."

"There's nothing to talk *about*."

"There *is*. There's stuff going on inside of you that you refuse to let me see. Why?"

"Fox, how many times do I have to tell you..."

"You can tell me a million times," Fox interrupted, "and I won't believe it. I know you better than that. I hate that I let this go on this long. I hate that I backed down every time I tried to bring it up and you got mad. I wasn't doing you any good, doing that."

"You're not doing me any good right *now*," Alex snapped, whirling around and stalking across the room.

"What the hell are you afraid of?" Fox shouted, anger finally getting the better of him.

"*Nothing*! I'm not afraid of a goddamn, fucking thing!"

Come now, Alexei, there must be *something*...

Back to Fox, Alex squeezed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, willing the voice away.

"And you're trying damn hard to prove it, aren't you? Would it help any if I told you that you're still the most contentious, nastiest bad-ass this side of the Atlantic? Or is my word not good enough? Do you have to kill a few dozen people just to be sure?"

Alex turned around and glared silently from the other side of the room.

Fox bent at the waist, taking in a deep breath, then straightened up and let it out. The combative glint in his eyes diminished, and when he spoke again, it was in a soft, coaxing tone.

"Alex, please talk to me. And I don't mean all this yelling and fighting. Sit down and talk to me about this unfounded fear of yours that you're getting weak. Tell me about what went through your mind when you read this..." Fox reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper.

Alex's eyes narrowed on the letter then focused on the other man's face. "What are you doing with that?"

"We need to talk about it."

"No, we don't!"

"Baby, please..."

Alex spun around, fingers clenched in his hair. "Jesus *Christ*, Fox, why do you have to take every fucking thing apart and analyze it piece by piece? It's a *letter*! From someone I'd sooner kill than look at. What do you find there to talk about?" His eyes grew wide as he studied his lover's face. "Oh....oh....you don't think I should actually talk to this asshole, do you?"

"I think you should talk to *me*," Fox said softly.

Alex nodded. "About talking to *him*. Way to rub salt in the wounds, Fox."

"Is that what you think I want to do?" Fox asked, not wanting to believe what Alex had just said.

The younger man's silent stare provided no comfort.

"Good. That's...that's good. Thanks for your trust, Alex, it really means so fucking much to me."

Fox turned and quietly left the room, leaving Alex in resounding silence. He leaned back against the wall and covered his face with both hands, groaning softly.

Did it again, didn't you? Nice going. Go apologize, stupid.

Yeah, like he'd accept it. You said you were sorry ten minutes ago, and then you turn around and do *this* shit.

Alex lowered his hands and walked over to the table. He picked the letter up from the spot where Fox had dropped it before he left the room and began to re-read it. Halfway through, he stopped, inhaling deeply to keep his body from trembling.

Matthew would like to say hello to you, Alexei.

"Stop," he whispered harshly, trying to force the unwelcome thoughts away. He dropped the letter and closed his eyes, talking to the demons that still lurked in the corners of his mind.

He wasn't really that bad, was he? Remember what it was like to feel his mouth around you? Sucking every shred of control...your very essence from your body...

*No*. He took *nothing* from me. And neither did you. I won't let you fuck up my life. You won't beat me.

A bit more composed, Alex opened his eyes and walked into the living room where Fox had just come in from the hall. He heard the metallic jingle of keys and asked the older man where he was going.

"Office," Fox answered flatly.

"Now?"

"Got some things to do."

"You just don't want to be around me," Alex countered, sadness tingeing his voice.

Fox stopped and looked at the younger man for a few seconds before answering.

"It's not that I don't want to," he said softly. "I...I can't." He opened the closet door and removed his jacket then moved to the front door. "Don't wait up," he said without looking back, and left the house.

Alex considered going after him, begging him to come back into the house, but what right did he have? Not once but twice in the same afternoon he'd turned on the only person he could truly trust, and Fox had every right to be pissed at him. But he couldn't...he just couldn't let himself accept what Fox was suggesting. Acceptance meant admission, and he'd never admit that he'd even for a second been made to feel fear. Fear denoted weakness, and he could never be that. Fox neither needed nor did he deserve a weak man, and the only way Alex could stay strong was to deal with this the way he had been. He had to make Fox understand that...and somehow manage to keep their relationship intact.

He walked back into the kitchen and, tearing up the letter, tossed it back into the trash. Then he set about completing the meal that Fox had started and abandoned.

"Mulder, what are you doing here?"

Fox cocked his head, eyeing his partner as she stood in the doorway. "What are *you* doing here?"

"I forgot some forensics reports that I really wanted to get out of the way this weekend. Now, why the hell aren't you at home, doing whatever it is that you and Alex do on the weekends? Is he still away?"

"No, actually, he got back today," Fox answered softly.

The redhead entered and dropped into the chair in from of her partner's desk. "Okay...Alex just got home, and you're here at work. Now I *know* something is up."

"Had some work to do."

Scully cast a doubtful gaze on the man. "Work. Right. Sure. Mulder, what's going on?"

Fox's eyes dropped to his desk, and he rocked slowly in his chair. "We had a fight."

"Again?"

No answer.

"Taking unnecessary chances again?"

"I don't know for sure, but I'm willing to bet on it." Fox emitted a long sigh. "He refuses to see what he's doing."

"You have to find a way to *make* him understand, Mulder, or it's only going to get worse."

"It already has."

Scully raised one eyebrow and waited.

"He got a letter, today...really freaked him out, though he will *not* admit to it."

"Who was the letter from?"

"You remember Matthew?"

"...That kid from last year?"

"Yeah."

"You're kidding."

"Wish I was."

"What did he have to say?"

"He's apparently under an analyst's care, and his doctor thinks that in order to purge his demons, he needs to confront Alex."

Scully lowered her head. "Oh, God. Let me guess. Alex wasn't exactly thrilled about that."

"Like I said, he freaked. His face went pale...he started to shake. I had to sit him down. He made me throw the letter away, and then all of a sudden, he jumped up and decided he was going to take Clyde for a walk. When he came back, he tried to make me believe that a walk to clear his head was all he'd needed and that he was fine. I told him I wasn't buying it, we got into it, he blew up and said some stuff I'm sure he's regretting about now, and I left." Fox buried his face in his hands. "I should've listened to you last year. It would have been so much easier to get him into therapy back then, before he had a chance to convince himself that he didn't need it."

"Well, Mulder, you never did like doing things the easy way."

Fox let the observation pass. "You know, I don't think that it's an altogether bad idea for him to meet with Matthew."

Scully paused then answered. "Neither do I. Matthew isn't the only one who needs a little cleansing."

"I don't...Scully, I don't know how I'd ever get him to agree to it. He insists he's just fine, and I'm making way too much of this."

"Wish I had some advice for you, Mulder, but if *you* can't find a way to deal with him, you know I sure as hell can't."

Fox nodded. "I know." He looked sullenly down at his folded hands. "I feel so damn helpless. He's hurting, I know he is, and he won't tell me. He won't tell *himself*."

"Well, Mulder, it's not helping either one of you for you to be hanging around here being miserable while he's home being miserable." Scully gave her partner an encouraging smile. "Go on. Go back to him. You know you want to."

Fox nodded. "Yeah, I do. I never should have left in the first place, but I was so damned frustrated."

"Well, it's time to go home now. Kiss and make up."

"It's not that easy."

"Did I say, kiss and solve all your problems?" Scully huffed. "*No*. I said, kiss and make up. That's step one in getting your problems solved. Now, let's go. *Out*."

Sculled picked up her files, herded Fox out of the office, and five minutes later he was on his way home.

Alex flipped blindly through channel after channel then gave up and shut the t.v. off, plunging the house into silence. He slouched down against the pillows and closed his eyes, but minutes later, they drifted open and glanced over at the alarm clock.

Nine-eighteen, and he was in bed already. He never turned in this early unless Fox was with him, and they had plans that had nothing to do with sleep.

From his corner of the bedroom, Clyde picked his head up and began to whine softly. Seconds later, Alex heard the soft hum of the garage door. Clyde got up and trotted from the room to greet Fox, and Alex settled himself on his side, pulling one pillow under his head.

So Fox didn't come home nearly as late as he'd implied.

As Alex speculated on the reasons, Fox moved into the room, unable to see in the darkness that the other man's eyes were open.

Alex watched the outline of his lover as he stopped momentarily then moved on toward the bathroom. He closed his eyes as the light went on and kept them shut until he heard the door close long seconds later. He couldn't see, but he knew without a doubt that Fox had been standing in the doorway watching him.

You'd better talk to him when he gets into bed. Don't you dare lie here pretending to be asleep...

The door opened, and Fox crept back into the bedroom, moving cautiously toward the bed. Slowly, he drew the sheet and light blanket back and slid in next to Alex. His cock twitched at the warmth of his lover's naked body so close to his own, but he took a deep breath and stamped down the rush of desire that threatened to overtake him. His head turned to the side, and he gazed at the dark, motionless outline of his lover.

What is he doing asleep at nine-thirty?

Fox sighed softly, contemplating waking the younger man. He couldn't stand the thought of going to sleep with things the way they were between them, but before he could make a definite decision, he felt soft brush of a hand down his arm.

"Did I wake you?"

"No."

The soft, husky answer flowed across Fox's nerves like warm honey, and he gravitated toward the younger man, reaching out to touch his face.

"Baby, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have walked out like that."

Alex turned his face into the touch, kissing his lover's palm. "I shouldn't have given you reason to leave. I know you'd never do anything to hurt me."

"Can we talk about it?" Fox asked hopefully. "I mean really talk...without fighting or feeling the need to be defensive."

Silence.

"I love you, Alexei. I want you to be okay."

"I *am* okay..."

Fox turned to his left, turning on the lamp on his side of the bed, and looked down into his lover's eyes. "If you're okay, then why were you shaking so badly when you read Matthew's letter?" he asked gently.

"I...I don't know," Alex answered vaguely. "It just took me by surprise, I guess."

"I don't doubt that it took you by surprise. God knows it shocked me, but...there's a lot more to it than that. I can see it all over your face. You may be good at masking your emotions when it comes to everyone else, but you can't hide from me."

"I'm not trying to hide," Alex insisted in a somewhat whiny whisper. "I'm just dealing with things the best way I know how."

"So, you admit that there *are* things to be dealt with."

"I j...I only meant that the letter...throwing it away and forgetting it is the best way for me to handle it."

"I don't think it is," Fox countered as gently as he could. "Baby, I've seen you do some things you never would have done before last year, and I think it's got everything to do with what happened to you..."

Alex shook his head, shifting and draping himself halfway over Fox's chest and tucking his head beneath the older man's chin.

Fox wrapped his arms around Alex, stroking his back and continued. "I...I think I know why you're behaving the way you are, but..."

Alex nuzzled his lover's stubbled chin then dropped a line of soft kisses down the column of his throat.

"...but I'd like for you to tell me. I need you to..."

"Tell me what you need," Alex murmured as he traveled down Fox's chest, pausing to tease one already hardened nipple.

"Mmm...damn...Alex, come on..."

Alex released a breathy moan and sucked the brown peak into his mouth, flicking his tongue back and forth across the tip.

"We have to..." Fox struggled to remain focused, but the tiny vibrations that had begun to swirl through him quickly fragmented his thoughts and doomed all good intentions.

Alex moved on to the other nipple, not wishing to neglect it, and smiled as Fox began to squirm beneath him. He closed his teeth gently around the aroused nub and pulled, drawing a soft gasp from the other man, then let one hand slip beneath the blanket, creeping down over his belly and into the crisp thatch of dark hair.

Fox lifted his hips from the mattress, silently begging for Alex to touch his cock, and as the younger man's fingers slid over the warm column of flesh, he shuddered, whispering his lover's name.

Alex released the sensitized nipple from his mouth and slid back up over Fox's chest, licking and nipping patches of flesh along the way. When they were face to face, he brushed his mouth over his lover's then whispered against it, "I missed you." He lowered his head, sealing their lips together in a long, tender kiss as he slowly caressed the older man's cock, and by the time he pulled away, Fox was in no condition for conversation.

"Make love to me, lisa," Alex begged, his voice overflowing with need.

The words sent a fresh rush of tingling heat through Fox's body, and the older man smoothly rolled his lover beneath him, letting Alex bear his full weight. He again found his lover's lips, feeding hungrily as he writhed against him, rubbing their erections together.

Alex moaned frantically into Fox's mouth, pushing up against him, seeking greater contact. He pulled away from his lover's mouth, whispering soft, broken words of encouragement as his hands wandered feverishly over Fox's back.

The younger man's incoherent ramblings barely registered in Fox's head. Three days without Alex had been an eternity, and after that fight they'd had, he felt the overwhelming need to prove his love. He lowered his head, dropping a tiny kiss on the younger man's chin, then drew his tongue across the rough surface, prompting a soft moan. He moved lower, tickling and teasing Alex's throat, sucking gently and leaving a pale reddish mark before moving on to his chest. Warm, velvety smooth skin met his tongue, and though he'd done this thousands of times, he never tired of the taste and feel of his lover.

Alex's mouth fell open on a soft gasp as Fox's tongue flicked at the tip of one rigid nipple then the other. He raised one hand to the other man's head, restlessly combing his fingers through the golden-brown silk as the other stroked over his shoulders. His cock, wedged against Fox's abdomen, throbbed almost painfully, and he thought that he might actually come if the pressure remained. But as if reading his thoughts, Fox moved on, and the urgency subsided.

Trailing a number of light kisses over Alex's belly, Fox smiled at the slight quiver of muscle. Knowing that Alex was a bit ticklish in that area, he kept the touches brief, maintaining just enough contact to tease.

Approaching the fine line of hair that ran from Alex's navel to his groin, Fox's tongue inched out, following the trail, then skimming through the patch of hair and dancing around the base of the younger man's cock.

Alex's head rolled to one side, and a low moan escaped his lips as Fox moved at an infuriatingly slow pace, enjoying the feel of him on his tongue. Involuntarily, his hips began shift, thrusting gently...silently asking for more.

Fox understood the plea as clearly as if it had been whispered into his ear, and his mouth moved over the flushed head, tasting the small pearl of fluid that glistened at the tip. His tongue gently probed the tiny slit for more, then he closed his lips over the head and applied a light suction, taking Alex in a little at a time.

Alex's back arched, lifting a few inches off of the bed, and he moaned his pleasure. As difficult as it was, he maintained some control, denying the urge to thrust into Fox's mouth. He lay whimpering and allowed the older man full control, knowing that Fox would not fail to bring him to a mind-numbing finish.

When Fox was damn good and ready.

Slowly, Fox slid down the length of his lover's erection, his tongue playing over each new inch of flesh as it pushed past his lips. By the time he reached the end of his journey, Alex had become completely unraveled, gasping for each breath and pleading for relief. In response, he began to suck at his mouthful, ever mindful of his lover's increasingly precarious condition. His fingers played over the heavy sac, caressing and measuring, then moved away, dipping into his mouth briefly before wiggling into the crevice of Alex's ass and finding the small, tight opening hidden within.

Alex's eyes squeezed shut as he sobbed his pleasure, encouraging the older man to push first one finger into him, then two. Automatically, his muscles contracted, clamping down on the welcome intruders as Fox continued to deep throat him.

"Jeez...Jesus," he panted, "that mouth...right there, baby...moy lisa..."

Fox worked his fingers in as deeply as they could go, stroking over Alex's prostate, and a loud, mewling gasp broke from the younger man's lips. His fingers curled in the sheets, tugging at the material hard enough to pull it away from the mattress, and he cried out for mercy.

"Please, oh, God, *please*. Can't...don't make me..."

Gently, Fox removed his fingers and pulled away from Alex's cock, incurring a desperate protest

"Shhh." He slid up over Alex's chest and looked down into passion-darkened eyes. "I won't make you wait." He reached into the nightstand drawer and withdrew a tube of lubricant. Having gently but efficiently applied it to his cock, he pulled Alex into position.

Tender kisses rained down on Alex's face and shoulders, drowning him in love as Fox filled him completely. He sucked in a long breath, reveling in those first overwhelming sensations of possession, and as the older man began to move, the initial shock melted into sweet, languid warmth. Alex wrapped himself around his Fox, returning kiss for kiss as he helped the older man maintain his lazy rhythm.

Fox pulled himself away from Alex's mouth to stare down into hazy green eyes. He threaded the fingers of one hand through the sable hair and lowered his head, letting his mouth graze the younger man's cheek before whispering into his ear.

"You feel so good, baby. I don't want it to end."

Alex tightened his hold on the man above him. "Then, don't let it," he whispered back, though somewhat raggedly.

"But you said you couldn't wait."

Alex nodded, validating Fox's response, then looked up into gilded eyes.

"Make me wait."

Fox came to a near stop and attempted to regulate his breathing, moaning as Alex bathed his shoulder and the side of his neck. He turned his head, coaxing his lover's mouth into another kiss as he increased his speed by a mere fraction. His tongue slipped into Alex's open mouth, caressing the moist interior as it searched for its mate.

Alex tightened his muscles as Fox withdrew, increasing his lover's pleasure as his tongue swept over the other, stroking and tasting. Fox came to a near halt again, trembling with the effort it took to regain his composure, and Alex lay still beneath him, not wanting to push him over the edge. He stroked the older man's back as they kissed endlessly, enjoying the feel of his lover so hard and deep inside of him, and when Fox began again, it was at an even slower pace than before.

The older man broke free of Alex's mouth, pulling himself up on his hands, and looked down into his lover's face. "I love you," he murmured, seeing the emotion mirrored in the magnificent emerald eyes. His head fell back and his eyes dropped shut as he increased his speed a bit more, letting the enhanced friction take him to that place where he longed to stay...that sensual heaven where nothing else existed but the man beneath him and the devastating sensations that being inside him produced.

Alex watched Fox, his heart and cock pounding in unison at the achingly beautiful expression on his lover's face. He needed desperately to find relief, but not so much that he was willing to sacrifice Fox's pleasure. Fighting back his own need, he forced himself to relax and slowly caressed the older man's arms and shoulders. "So beautiful," he whispered. "Take your time, baby. Take all night..."

And he damn near did.

For hours to come, Fox kept himself and Alex quivering on the edge of madness, and sometime just before dawn, he let them fall.

Gray light filtered in through the blinds, casting its pale illumination on the two bodies writhing together. Fox buried his face in the curve of his lover's shoulder, harsh grunts muffled by the perspiration-dotted flesh as his hips rose and fell in a quickly intensifying tempo. His hand, wrapped around his lover's aching cock matched his hips stroke for stroke as Alex clung to him, sobbing incoherently, switching from Russian to English and back again.

"God," Fox grated into Alex's shoulder before he lifted his head. "C'mon, baby...." He stared down into his lover's glazed eyes. "It's time...come on..." He shifted into a fierce rhythm, snarling as the building heat flashed and engulfed him in a firestorm of sensation.

Immediately caught up in the blaze, Alex's head snapped back, pushing into the pillows, and a long, feral scream ripped from his throat as he shot a seemingly endless geyser of fluid over himself and Fox's hand. He collapsed then, blackness surrounding him as Fox sprawled over his body, frantically trying to drag some air into his lungs.

Can't move.

Fox thought he had said the words aloud, but neither his mouth nor his vocal chords had cooperated. Receiving no response from the virtually unconscious man beneath him, he closed his eyes and let sleep take him to meet his lover.

Alex blinked in the bright sunlight and squinted at the clock.

Eleven-thirty.

God, he felt like he'd been out drinking all night. What the hell did Fox do to him, anyway?

He turned his head and blinked a couple of times, trying to focus. Although things were still a bit blurry after a few seconds, he could see well enough to know that Fox was awake and staring at him. He gave the other man a weary smile and reached across the brief distance to touch the stubbled face.

"Morning," he croaked then grimaced and attempted to clear his throat. "God, I'm hoarse."

"I'd be surprised if you weren't."

Alex frowned at the soft monotone. "Did I make that much noise?"

"Yeah, you did."

That same tone.

Alex forced himself to wake up and propped his head up in his hand. "You okay, lisa?"

"Been better."

Concern seeped into Alex's tone. "What's wrong?"

"What was that all about last night?"

"What was what about?"

"You using sex to avoid talking."

Alex blinked rapidly, taken aback by Fox's statement. "You...you *can't* think that I didn't want to..."

"Of course not. I know you well enough to know that you wanted it as much as I did. But I also know you well enough to know when you're trying to avoid something. You didn't want to talk, so you took advantage of the fact that we hadn't been together in days, and of my weakness for you. Of course, it wasn't until this morning that I could think clearly enough to consider it."

Unable to refute Fox's claim, Alex lay quietly chewing on his lower lip.

"You manipulated me, Alex."

The accused man lowered his eyes and said nothing.

Fox slipped his hand under Alex's chin and lifted his head. "If you'll go to those kinds of extremes to evade this issue..." Fox sighed softly, letting his thumb brush back and forth over his lover's chin. "...baby, can't you see why I think it's a lot more serious than you'll admit?"

"It's not," Alex responded softly, avoiding Fox's stare.

"Alex."

"What?"

"Look at me and say that."

Alex closed his eyes and turned away. "Jesus, Fox, why are you pushing so hard on this?"

"Because I love you," Fox answered. "How many times do we have to go through this?"

No answer.

"I'm just trying to head off trouble..."

"The only trouble," Alex argued, "is the trouble *you're* making. I'm *fine*. *Damn*, I'm tired of saying that."

"Believe me, Alex, I'm just as tired of hearing it. But at the risk of repeating ourselves just one more time, tell me again. And this time, look me in the eye and say it."

Alex's head snapped around, and for one shocking moment Fox thought that he might actually do it. He waited, silently praying that Alex wouldn't be able to look right at him and lie.

Alex stared hard at the other man, willing himself to speak the words, but they wouldn't come out. Finally, he flipped the blanket back and spun to his feet.

"I don't know what the hell you want from me, Fox. I've given you *everything*! My history, my secrets..." Alex plunged a hand into his hair and moved a few steps away, then turned around. "...I've given you all the love I know how to give...you've got my pride, my life...I'd bleed myself *dry* for you. What else is there?"

Fox wasn't backing down. Not this time.

"I want the truth. I want your fear, and your hurt. It's part of you, and I need it all. I need *all* of you."

Alex's breath caught in his throat, and he stood staring mutely at the man on the bed. Then he spun around and stormed off in the direction of the bathroom.

Fox jumped slightly at the sound of the slamming door then slumped against the pillows, clutching his hands to his head and growling his frustration.

Well, at least he didn't lie to you.

As he lay considering his next move, the bathroom door flew open and Alex came out, pulling some clothes out of the closet. As he stepped into his jeans and yanked them up, Fox watched warily from the bed.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed."

"And then?"

"Going *out*."

Clyde's head popped up at hearing the words 'going out'. He leapt to his feet and began to prance around Alex, whining.

"No, buddy, I can't take you with me right now." Alex looked up at Fox, all gentleness gone from his tone. "He'll need to go out soon, though."

"Where are you going that you can't take him with you?"

"Nowhere." Alex finished pulling on his boots and picked up his t-shirt, drawing it down over his head and chest

"Alex..." Fox got out of bed and walked over to the younger man. "Baby, don't go." He curved his hand around the back of Alex's neck. "Please, I'm begging you. Stay and talk this out with me."

"I've talked enough about this bullshit to last me five lifetimes. I'm sick to death of talking about it." Alex pulled away from Fox's grasp and moved toward the door.

"*What* talking?" Fox asked, his voice rising again.

No response.

"What time will you be back?"

"I don't know." There was the slightest bit of hesitation as Alex reached for the knob, then he opened the door and walked out.

Fox stood in the middle of the bedroom, listening as another door closed, and then Alex's car started and roared out of the garage. When quiet again fell on the house, he walked toward the bed and sat heavily at the edge of the mattress. Clyde joined him, resting his head on Fox's knee and whining softly.

"I don't know what the hell to do," Fox said to the dog as he stroked the broad head. "I don't...I..." He dropped his head and fell into silence.

Alex drove, watching the early afternoon sun give way to depressing, gray clouds.

Wonderful.

The perfect addition to a fucking miserable day.

He groaned softly as he thought back to the fight he'd had with Fox just a few hours ago.

Another damn fight.

God, he knew that the man was stubborn when he thought he was right about something, but why the hell couldn't he see that he was flat out wrong about this?

"I'm *not* avoiding my problems, because I don't *have* any freakin' problems."

Alex glanced into his rearview mirror and frowned. Out of nowhere it seemed, two cars had appeared, quickly flanking him. He looked from one car to the other, noting that there were two men in each, and all four kept their eyes on the road.

"What the hell is this..."

They drove on for a distance, neither car pulling ahead or falling behind, and after a few minutes, Alex reached under his jacket and pulled his gun from the waistband of his pants, resting it on the seat beside his thigh.

As he drove, he considered putting the gas pedal to the floor and giving the assholes a run for their money, but those thoughts were quickly squashed as another car pulled up behind him and another two came into view in front of him.

"Son of a...okay, shitheads, let's see what the hell this is about."

He let the men pull him over and, tucking his gun back into his pants, got out of the car. In seconds, he was surrounded by ten men.

"Okay, boys, what's up?"

"Someone would like a word with you," the spokesman answered.

"Yeah? Who?" As if he didn't know.

"Just come with us, please."

"Look, asshole, if you think I'm gonna leave my car here on the side of the road and go *anywhere* with you..."

"We'll take care of your car."

Alex emitted a disdainful laugh. "Ain't a single one of you sitting your nasty asses on my leather. I'll follow you."

"Can't do that."

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Alex said softly, "so..."

One of the men standing behind him moved forward and grasped his upper arm, trying to shove him forward, and the fight was on. Before anyone could act to prevent it, Alex had drawn his gun and shot two of the men in front of him. Frozen with shock, the man behind him was next to fall. As the others attempted to rally from the surprise attack, Alex spun around put a bullet point blank between his eyes. Before he could turn again, he was grabbed, and, not without tremendous difficulty, he was wrestled and beaten to the ground.

"You son of a bitch," the first man spat, leaning over him. "That was my cousin."

Pain exploded in Alex's head as the butt of the man's gun came down across his cheek. The coppery taste of his own blood filled his mouth as the world spun and went hazy but not completely black.

"Get him up."

He was brutally jerked to his feet, and a voice he hadn't yet heard wafted through the air.

"This wasn't part of the job, Jack."

"Yeah, neither was *that*." The man called Jack pointed to the three bodies.

"He told us this guy was dangerous. That's why he sent so many of us. I know Lenny was your cousin, but disobeying his orders can get us dead just like him."

Jack glared at the other man, knowing he was right, but at that precise moment, anger spoke just a little more loudly to him than good sense. He walked up to the dazed man and drew his arm back, plunging his fist into Alex's stomach, doubling him over. The two men holding him pulled him back up, and Jack backhanded him, cutting the other side of his face. Satisfied, he picked up Alex's gun, turned around, and began walking.

"Get him in the fucking car and pick up the bodies."

"What about *his* car?" One of the other men asked.

Jack turned to face the group. "Much as I'd love to torch the fucking thing, I guess we should take it to the motel. Jerome, sit your nasty ass on the man's leather and drive, would you?"

Three-thirty.

Fox turned away from the clock and continued his slow pace.

Not a sign of Alex.

It had only been a little more than four hours, but he had hoped that maybe the younger man's anger would have subsided by now, and he would come home.

He stalked back and forth across the living room floor, occasionally stealing glances at the door as he thought about what it was he would say to Alex when he got back.

Okay...option one...apologize yet again, tell him how wrong you were, and let him go on in this state of denial, taking greater and stupider chances until he gets hurt or worse.

He shook his head.

No. Bad. Option two...hog tie him and don't let him go until he agrees to listen to what it is you've got to say.

He stopped pacing, letting his head fall back against his shoulders and stared up at the ceiling.

Oh, yeah, *that'll* work...Christ. Option three...when he gets home, say nothing, cook him a nice dinner, seduce him like he did to you, and when he's begging for you to get him off, threaten to leave him hanging unless he listens to you.

He dropped his head and groaned.

No, that's only temporary. He'd agree to everything, then take it all back afterward. You've got to *convince* him...make him *see* the harm he's doing.

"No shit," he whispered to himself. "But, how?"

Fox glanced once more at the clock and resumed his pacing.

"What is this?"

"We uh...we had a little trouble."

The man fixed a watery stare on the others in the room, taking note of their disheveled, bruised and battered conditions. "Apparently." He returned his attention to the semi-conscious man on the bed. "But he was not to be harmed."

"He killed three men. One of them was my *cousin*."

Gray smoke swirled toward the angry man. "That's unfortunate, but I warned you of the risks involved. This man is far more dangerous than in just the physical sense. He's supposed to have our protection." The smoker nodded to the man who had arrived with him, and in front of all present, his companion pulled a gun out of his jacket and shot Jack once in the head. The remaining six men stared in mute shock as, with a soft thump, he fell dead.

"Insubordination of any kind will not be tolerated. The rest of you would do well do remember that. Now, leave us, and take Jack with you."

Quickly, the other men removed the body, cleaned up, and left the smoker alone with Alex.

The man walked into the bathroom, running a washcloth under cold water, and returned. Sickly blue eyes watched as the younger man groaned softly and flinched at the chilly touch of the terry cloth.

"Alex..." He sat down on the edge of the mattress and made a closer inspection of the other's wounds as he tended to them. "Alex, can you hear me?"

"Hmm."

"You're safe. You won't be harmed again."

Sable lashes fluttered and glazed, green eyes attempted to focus on the wrinkled face above. "What," he whispered then went silent.

"Yes?"

"What the...fuck do you want?"

"Not this, I can assure you. The man who did this to you has been punished."

"Yeah, I heard." Alex winced at the pain in his face. "But nobody moves without your okay."

"This man did. My orders were for them to bring you here for a talk. Nothing more. When we're through here, I'll see that you get home safe and sound."

Home.

Alex closed his eyes and turned away. "What do you want?"

"I told you. I want to talk. Surely you know that you and Agent Mulder are still watched. We can't protect you if we don't know where you are and what you're doing..."

"Oh, of course."

"You've infiltrated my offices...procured some very sensitive information. Fortunately, I've been able to act quickly enough to head off any trouble regarding said information, so no real harm has been done."

Shit.

"Congratulations."

"I'm very surprised, Alex." The man stubbed out his cigarette and pulled another out of his pack. "Do you know how many times over you could have been dead?"

Alex snatched the cloth from the gnarled hand as it moved again toward his face. Pressing it to his cheek and grimacing, he said nothing.

"I would attribute your negligence to age, but you're still a young man. So," he paused to draw on his cigarette. "I must assume that it's something else."

"Fuck you."

A rush of smoke rose into the air. "Are you having personal problems?"

Silence.

"You know, Alex, if there's any chance that you and Agent Mulder will be going your separate ways, the group would welcome you back. Even at half capacity, you're more efficient than these incompetents we have now." He shook his head and took another drag. "No one takes pride in their work anymore..."

Avoiding the thinly veiled inquiry, Alex mumbled a question of his own. "You know I'm working against you. Why would you want me back?"

The smoker shrugged. "I believe that with a little bargaining we could strike up a mutually beneficial deal. You're an intelligent, resourceful man, Alex. Now, if for some reason Agent Mulder can't appreciate that..."

"Fox appreciates me just fine. Now, get the hell out of here and leave me alone."

"You only killed three out of ten of the men I sent to escort you here, Alex. *Something* has got you feeling out of sorts. I can help you. And I will. Surely you have no doubt of that...not after I tidied things up for you and Agent Mulder last year during your ordeal."

"Just like he thought," Alex murmured to himself then glared at the other man. "And now you're trying to collect on the favor?"

"No, not at all. You owe me nothing. Nor does Agent Mulder. I just see a change in you, and I wouldn't be much of a businessman if I didn't see if I could coax you back into the fold."

"You can't."

"Are sure about that?"

"Positive. Now, if you don't mind..."

The man put out his cigarette and automatically reached for another. Instead of immediately lighting up, he paused, rolling the cigarette between his fingers. "All right. I won't push. I know how you hate to be pushed."

"Good. Now, go, and take all those morons with you."

"Alex, I can't leave you here in this condition. I must take responsibility for what those in my employ did to you. I'll see you home."

"*No*. Just leave me alone. I don't need your help."

"I'm not so sure of that. You keep holding your hand to your middle. Did Jack break any ribs?"

"Just a little sore...where's my car?" Alex asked, just realizing that he was driven to this motel. "Did those assholes do anything to my car?"

The smoker shrugged. "I don't believe so. It's outside. It looked fine when I drove up."

Alex closed his eyes. "Then I'll leave on my own. Go."

The old man nodded and made his way to the door. "Very well. Just do yourself a favor and rest a while before you try to leave." He opened the door and smiled down at the man on the bed. "My offer stands, Alex. You know where to find me if you change your mind."

The door closed and Alex's head fell back against the pillow. He groaned softly, finally giving in to his injuries.

"God," he whimpered almost inaudibly, wishing he was at home in Fox's arms.

Fox.

Jesus, had he been right? That wrinkled bastard had known every time he'd been to his offices and had just let him go. And now, this morning. If he'd been at the top of his game, he'd never have let those amateurs get their hands on him, and *none* of them would have lived to tell about it.

But in admitting that Fox was right about him being careless, he'd also have to admit the rest.

"No," he moaned as the ache in his body continually intensified. "Can't...gotta be stronger than that. Can't let a dead man beat me..."

"Hello?"

"Jeez, Mulder, you sound anxious about something."

Fox sighed into the phone. "I was hoping you were Alex."

"Why," Scully asked, "where is he?"

"I don't know."

"God, not another fight."

"Yeah. It's a long story, but he got mad and took off late this morning. I haven't heard from him since...wait...my cell phone is ringing." Fox snatched the other phone off of the coffee table and answered.

"Agent Mulder."

"What do you want?" he snapped, instantly recognizing the voice.

"Such a snippy attitude for someone who's talking to the only person who can tell him where his wayward companion is."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm speaking of Alex, of course. There's been an incident."

Worry and anger combined, giving Fox's voice a desperate tone. "What *kind* of incident? Where is he?"

"Mulder?" Scully called, only able to hear her partner's end of the conversation. "Mulder, what's going on?"

"He's at the Capri Motel on Morton Road. Room eleven. You might want to come out and get him, he's not in any shape to drive himself."

"What did you do to him, you son of a *bitch*?"

"I can assure you that I have done no harm to him. But rest assured, the man who did will never hurt anyone again."

"Why should I believe you?"

"What reason do I have to lie? I've looked after you both in the past; I'm simply continuing that trend."

"If there was something wrong, Alex would've call me himself."

"Would he?"

Fox went silent, asking himself that very question.

"You have his location, Agent Mulder. I'll keep an eye on him until you get here...from a discreet distance, of course."

The line went dead, and Fox lifted the other phone to his ear. "Scully, I need you to meet me at the Capri Motel on Morton Road. Room eleven."

"Why, Mulder? What the hell's going on?"

"Alex is there. He may be hurt."

"All right, I'm on my way."

"Thanks." Fox disconnected, grabbed his weapon and his cell phone, and sprinted out to the garage. Twenty five minutes later his car screeched to a stop beside Alex's Porsche in the parking lot of the Capri Motel.

Leaping from the Ford, Fox quickly found room eleven and opened the unlocked door, weapon drawn just in case. Except for the figure on the bed, the room appeared empty. Fox checked the bathroom and, finding no one there, he hurried to the bed and sat down beside the still man.

"Oh, God." Gently, Fox turned Alex's face to the light to inspect the damage. The movement roused the younger man, and he groaned at the pain it caused.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Fox whispered, petting his lover's head.

"Fox..."

"Yeah. Yeah, Alex, it's me."

Alex blinked and squinted up at the other man. Remembering his condition, he turned his head away and closed his eyes.

"Baby, what happened?" Fox asked. "Who did this to you?"

"Doesn't matter. How did you know?"

"I got a call about half an hour ago."

"The smoker."

"Yeah. He said that whoever did this had been taken care of."

Alex nodded with some effort. "Fairy godfather strikes again."

Fox let out a heavy breath. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"Ribs."

Fox gently lifted the other man's shirt to assess the damage. "You're pretty bruised. Do you think any of them are broken?"

"Don't think so."

"Can you breathe all right?"

"Hurts, but, yeah. I can breathe all right."

"Oh, my God."

Fox turned at the sound of his partner's voice. "Thanks for getting here so fast, Scully."

The woman advanced and sat down on the other side of the bed, gently turning Alex's face to her. "You've got some pretty good swelling going on here. Couple of cuts. It's gonna hurt a little, Alex, but I have to touch you, okay?"

Alex closed his eyes and nodded.

As Scully checked his face, she asked questions. "Do you know what you were hit with?"

Alex pointed to the lesser of the two injuries. "Just his hand, but..." He pointed to the other side. "...caught the butt of his gun on this side."

Fox flushed a deep crimson, and his eyes glittered a murderous green. "This fucker had better be dead."

"He is," Alex said softly. "Cancerman had him killed right in front of me."

"I think you might have a slight fracture on this side, but we'll have to get you x-rayed to be sure," Scully announced. "Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"His ribs," Fox answered for Alex, again pulling the younger man's shirt up.

Scully prodded gently, apologizing when Alex flinched. "Again, we gotta get x-rays, but I don't think you've got anything broken here...did you say Cancerman?"

Alex nodded.

Scully looked at the other man. "That's who called you?"

"Yeah." Fox again reached out to stroke Alex's hair. "To tell me where he was."

Alex's eyes drifted open, but he kept his gaze averted from his lover's face, instead looking down at the mattress.

Fox watched Alex, noting the look on his face, and decided that now wouldn't be a good time to press him for any answers. He worked one arm under Alex's back and lifted gently. "Come on, babe," he murmured to the other man. "Let's get out of here."

Alex allowed himself to be moved, wincing as little as possible as he rose to his feet. Slowly, the three walked out into the lot and moved toward Fox's vehicle. Alex looked toward the Porsche then at Scully who happened to be in his direct line of sight.

"My car..."

"It'll be okay here for a little while longer," Fox assured him.

"Yeah, Alex, don't worry about it. I'll grab one of the Gunmen and we'll come out and get it for you, okay?"

"Okay," Alex sighed, unhappy at the prospect of anyone but himself or Fox driving his baby.

Once everyone was in their cars, they headed to the hospital, silence hanging heavily in the compartment of Fox's car.

Alex sat quietly brooding, hand to his abdomen as the Ford moved smoothly down the old road.

"Can you imagine driving road this in your car in your condition?" Fox asked, finally breaking the silence. "You'd be suffering for sure."

No reply.

"Are you all right?" the older man asked in a softer tone.

"Yeah," Alex answered, awaiting the questions that he thought would surely follow. To his surprise, none did. Risking a quick glance over at Fox, he frowned then leaned his head back against the headrest and closed his eyes.

When they reached the hospital, they walked Alex into the emergency room where he was checked out and taken to Radiology. While he was being x-rayed, Fox and Scully sat together in the waiting room.

Tired of the silence, Scully began to speak.

"You wanna tell me what this latest fight was about, and what the hell Alex was doing at a motel several miles from home...bruised and possibly fractured?"

Fox sighed heavily. "I...I tried to talk to him last night...again...he didn't want to talk, so he...diverted my attention."

Scully shook her head. "What a sucker."

Fox ignored the dig. "So anyway, this morning, I called him on it, we got into it *again*, and he blew his top and left. I had no idea where he was until Cancerman called."

"Now, how did *he* get into this?"

"I don't know. And I *won't* know until I can talk to Alex...if he'll speak to me. He didn't say two words the whole drive over."

"He talked to you in the motel room, didn't he?"

"Yeah."

Scully patted her partner's knee. "*Somebody* did a number on him, Mulder. That's probably eating a hole straight through his gut. Maybe he's just trying to sort it all out."

"I *told* him about this, just this morning," Fox said. "I *told* him that he was going to get hurt or worse."

"You didn't give him the I told you so speech, did you?"

"No, of course not. I'm just grateful that he's okay...and *alive*. I..."

"Mr. Mulder?"

Fox and Scully looked up to find the nurse smiling from the doorway of the examining room.

"Mr. Krycek will be back down in a minute if you want to wait in here."

Scully gave Fox an encouraging smile and waved him off toward the room. Within just a couple of minutes of him entering, Alex was brought back in, followed by the emergency room doctor.

"Well," he began, smiling at Fox. "As Dr. Scully had predicted, there is a slight fracture in his cheekbone. It'll be sore and bruised for a while, but it'll be all right. There were no broken ribs, only severe bruising. He missed having to have stitches on that cheek by only a few centimeters, but the cuts should heal up fine. I'll give him some antibiotics to keep away infection, but other than that, rest is what he needs."

"For how long?"

The doctor shrugged. "Two, three days should do it." He turned to Alex. "You hear that? Take it easy. And no bar room brawls for at least two weeks."

Fox looked from the doctor to Alex but said nothing.

Alex nodded and looked down at his folded hands.

The doctor released him, and the three left together, walking through the afternoon drizzle over to Fox's car.

Fox opened the door for Alex who docilely sat in the passenger's seat. He shut the door and looked to his partner who stood not more than two feet away. "Thanks again, Scully."

"No problem. If you need me, just call."

"Okay."

Scully reached out, rubbing Fox's arm. "He'll be okay."

"Physically, yeah, I know. But what about the rest of it? I love him so much, Scully, and I don't know what to do to help him."

"You can't *do* much else, Mulder. Just love him and stick by him. It's up to him from there."

Fox bowed his head and nodded. "Well, let me get him out of here, so he can ignore me in the comfort and privacy of our own home." He handed his own key to the Porsche to Scully and thanked her.

Scully took the key, smiled and walked away, leaving Fox no choice but to get into the car.

"You okay? he asked, the younger man as he pulled on his seatbelt.

Slight nod of the sable head.

"Okay, well, just relax, and we'll be home soon."

Alex sat quietly, contemplating the events of the day and the issues that helped bring them about. He thought about Fox's failure to discuss what had happened to him, and why that might be. He recalled the look of fear and concern in his lover's eyes when he first entered the room, and then the fury when Alex had explained what was done to him.

And as much as he didn't want to do it, he began thinking again about Justin Saint James and the torments inflicted on him. He recalled the nightmares afterward and the terrible results of those dreams. He thought about the nights spent awake, watching Fox sleep and listening to the quiet, afraid of what he might not hear...terrified that the things he could not see were out there waiting for him to drop his guard. And he thought about Matthew's letter and the effect he'd refused to admit that it had on him.

I'm still here, Alexei.

Alex opened his eyes and jerked his head up.

"Alex?" Fox called to his now shivering lover. "What's wrong?"

The younger man wrapped his arms around himself, huddling into his jacket and said nothing.

"Baby, please tell me."

Did you enjoy your day? It's been a while since you had a good beating. Did it bring back pleasant memories of me?

Alex covered his ears, whimpering softly.

"Take it easy, sweetheart. We're almost there."

Heart pounding frantically in his chest, Fox broke every speed limit to get home. When he finally pulled into the garage, he quickly exited the car and came around to open the passenger's side door.

"We're here, Alex." Fox reached in to gently touch the younger man's head. "Come on, you need some rest."

Yes, listen to the lovely Fox, Alexei. You're weak. You need sleep. And once you've gone beddy bye, you and I can have fun like we used to.

"Nooo," Alex groaned miserably, rocking back and forth even though the movement caused him considerable discomfort.

"Alex, please," Fox whispered hoarsely, tugging carefully on the younger man's arm. "Come on inside. You'll feel better once you get some sleep."

"No," Alex shook his head adamantly. "Can't...I can't."

Well, of course you can. Come on now. Off to bed with you.

Alex lifted his head and cast a wide-eyed glance around. "Shut up!"

Fox followed Alex's gaze. "Who are you talking to?"

Alex again lowered his head, breathing deeply. "Nobody."

"You look so scared."

"I'm not scared!" the younger man snapped, refusing to look at his lover.

Fox shook his head. "All right, Alex. I'm sorry. Come on, let's go into the house." He finally got Alex out of the car and led him inside where they were immediately greeted by Clyde, whom Alex passed by as though he wasn't there.

More concerned now than before, Fox led Alex into the bedroom and laid him down. He removed the younger man's boots and top garments then drew the blanket up over his chest.

"No." Alex struggled to sit up. "I don't want to sleep."

"You don't have to sleep if you don't want to," Fox soothed. "But you'll be more comfortable if you're lying down."

"I don't *want* to lie down."

"You heard what the doctor said, Alex. You need to rest."

"I'm fine."

"Alex, please?"

Thankfully, Alex relented, and he eased the younger man into a reclining position.

"Do you want anything? Are you hungry or thirsty?"

Alex shook his head.

Fox sat at the edge of the bed and covered the younger man's hand with his own. After a few seconds of silence, he cleared his throat and spoke up.

"Who...who did you hear in the garage?"

"...No one."

Fox let his head drop, feeling a scream forming in his throat, but he maintained control. He took two deep breaths and let it go.

"Okay. All right. You stay here and rest, and I'll go get something started for dinner in case you get hungry."

He rose from the bed and started toward the door but before he could reach it, Alex's voice, tinged with restrained fright sounded.

"Fox..."

Fox looked to the man on the bed, and the expression he read in the glassy, green eyes sent wave upon wave of pain slamming through him. He moved back toward the bed and stared down at Alex, waiting.

Alex turned pleading eyes up to the other man but was unable to ask Fox not to leave him alone.

"What is it, baby?"

Please stay with me.

"Nothing."

"You called to me."

Alex opened and closed his mouth twice as if he wanted to speak, but ultimately remained silent. He shook his head and turned his face away from his lover's worried gaze.

Without a word, Fox sat down on the bed. "Alex, please don't do this," he murmured, lifting a hand to the younger man's head. "You want to say something. I can see it all over your face."

Avoiding the older man's eyes, Alex shook his head and turned onto the side that wasn't wounded.

Fox adjusted the blanket and let his hand rest on Alex's shoulder. Through the light cotton he could feel the tremors running consistently through the prone body. Hesitating for just a moment, he swung his legs up onto the bed and lay on top of the blanket, facing Alex. He wound an arm around his lover, pulling him close and tenderly stroking his back. The relieved sigh did not escape his notice, and he pressed his lips to Alex's forehead.

"Close your eyes, baby. Try and sleep."

Alex melted into Fox's embrace, reveling in the warmth of his lover's touch.

So gentle. So safe.

So he needed that security. So what? There was nothing wrong with it. This was Fox, for Christ's sake, and there was nothing *wrong* with needing his comfort.

No. There wasn't. Not usually, but not...he shouldn't need comfort for this. *This* should not be having this kind of effect on him. Fuck it, it shouldn't be having *any* kind of effect on him...

"You don't..."

Fox pulled back a bit and looked down at the younger man. "I don't what?"

"...Have to stay."

The last three words of Alex's statement were so soft, Fox had to strain to hear them. "Did that sound believable to you?" he asked softly. "Didn't to me."

"I'm all right."

"That statement didn't sound any more credible than the last one. Wanna try again?"

Alex fell into silence, the truth of his needs being conveyed through his body's unrelenting tremors. Trying to con Fox was a useless endeavor, and he knew it.

Fox once more pulled the younger man to him, enveloping him in soothing warmth. Minutes later, he felt Alex's fingers slide up to his chest and curl around the material of his shirt. He rested his cheek on the top of the sable head and closed his eyes, thankful that at least for now, all protests had come to an end.

A very long time later the shaking ceased, and the familiar sounds of his lover asleep greeted Fox's ears. He dropped a kiss into the soft hair and closed his own eyes.

Rain.

Fox sighed contentedly and buried his face deeper into his pillow.

Up until a few years ago he hadn't much enjoyed the sound of rain falling. It wasn't that he'd been scared by rainstorms as a child or any such reason. He simply got no enjoyment out of them until he learned to relax and really listen to the erratic but soothing rhythm that the drops pounded out.

Alex taught him how.

And now, he loved the sound. Especially when they were in bed, wrapped snugly in each other's arms...

Fox reached out, expecting to touch his lover, but his hand felt nothing but cool sheet. All at once he was awake, blinking, trying to focus in the near-darkness.

"Alex?"

Silence.

God, where is he?

Fox leapt out of bed and performed a quick but thorough search of the house. As he moved through the living room, he saw Clyde sitting by the glass doors, staring intently out into the pouring rain. He walked over to where the dog was sitting and peered into the yard.

He saw nothing but sheets of rain at first, then movement at the far end of the yard caught his eye.

"What the...stay here, Clyde."

Fox threw the door open sprinted into the yard and toward his soaked lover.

"Alex!"

The younger man staggered toward the north side of the yard, having given no indication that he'd heard Fox calling to him. His eyes blindly searched through the downpour, looking for intruders that weren't there.

Fox finally caught up with Alex and grabbed at his drenched shirt. He released him immediately as the disconcerted man whirled around and pointed his gun at him.

"Baby," Fox called as softly as the downpour would let him. "It's me..."

Alex blinked, focusing on the obscured figure and recognizing it as that of his lover. The weapon fell from his loosened grip, and he stood staring at Fox, trembling violently.

Fox quickly stooped and picked up the gun, shoving it into the waistband of his jeans, and wrapped the stricken man in his arms.

"I heard s-something," Alex stuttered, clinging to Fox's soaked shirt. "Someone...someone was out here."

"I don't see anything," Fox assured Alex as he looked around the yard. "Come on, you're soaked. Let's go back inside." He maneuvered the younger man toward the house and into the bathroom where he began peeling off his waterlogged clothing.

"It was him," Alex whispered, his teeth chattering. "He made me go out there, and I almost shot you...again..."

Once he'd completely stripped Alex, Fox dried then wrapped a towel around him and gently sat him on the downturned toilet lid. He then removed his own clothing, dried off, and put the gun away, then he returned to his lover.

"Baby?" Fox called softly, brushing a few damp strands of hair out of Alex's eyes. "Who were you talking about? Who made you go outside?"

Distressed green eyes looked up, remaining focused on Fox for only a matter of seconds before skipping away.

"Alex...Alex, please. I'm begging you." A heavy mist coated Fox's eyes. "*Please* talk to me. Let me help you."

Alex kept his gaze to the space between them. "J....Justin Saint...Saint James."

Fox closed his eyes for a moment, and when he reopened them, he gently pulled Alex to his feet and led him into the bedroom. When he had the younger man tucked back into bed, he responded to the admission.

"You dreamt about him?"

Alex nodded slowly. "And he talks to me."

Fox's eyebrows drew down into a heavy frown. "How long has this been going on?"

"Off and on since last year. But s...since that letter came...I hear him almost every day. I don't want to. I want him to shut the hell up and leave me alone."

Fox leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on Alex's forehead. "You need to confront him."

"But..." Alex sighed in confusion. "...he's *dead*. God, a dead man is talking to me."

"Matthew isn't. Settle it with him, and maybe you'll settle it with Saint James."

Alex's brow creased. "But I don't want to see him. I don't want to have to look at him."

"I know you don't. And I wouldn't ask you to if I thought it would do no good. I love you Alex, and I'd rather die than see you hurt."

Alex closed his eyes and lowered his head. How could he ever have believed otherwise?

"I...I'm afraid." He drew a shaky breath and looked up as Fox touched his face.

"Tell me."

"After those really bad first few weeks, I..I started to feel better. I felt strong for a while. I felt like myself when you were with me, but when I was alone, it was like my mind turned against me. I couldn't control the flashbacks, I couldn't...the nightmares came with a lot less frequency, but when they did come, I'd wake up terrified. I tried not to let you see..."

"I know," Fox whispered. "But I told you before, Alex, you can't hide from me."

Alex nodded and continued. "I felt so out of control and at times, helpless. I hate that feeling. I was...I *am* afraid of it. I have to be...I have to be on top of things. Can't be weak..."

"Baby, it's impossible to be rock solid all the time. You don't *have* to be."

"I do," Alex protested softly.

"Why?"

The younger man shook his head, struggling for a coherent answer. "I couldn't live with myself if I let you down."

"Let me *down*...Alex, what makes you think...God." Fox lay down beside the younger man, pulling him into his arms. "Baby, we're supposed to take care of each *other*. There's nothing wrong with you feeling weak or out of control. I'm here, and I'll catch you if you fall."

Alex dropped his gaze. "You don't need to have an emotional wreck on your hands."

"And how many times have *I* been wrecked? You held me up, Alex. You gave me all the love and strength I needed, and you never ran dry." Fox slipped a hand under Alex's chin and lifted his head. "I can do the same for you. I *want* to. And it hurts that you won't let me."

"I know I've hurt you plenty in the last few days," Alex murmured, the pain clear in his voice. "I...I didn't mean to. I love you, lisa, and it kills me to think about how I've treated you..."

Fox hugged the distraught man to his chest, gently shushing him. "It's all right. What happened to you was horrific. You've done amazingly well, all things considered."

"How can you say that? I've taken stupid chances, treated you like shit...I hear dead people talking to me...sounds pretty loony to me."

"You're not loony," Fox argued softly, petting his lover's hair. "But you're not well, either. And it's not your fault." He leaned back and placed a tiny kiss on the tip of Alex's nose. "You've fought these demons of yours for almost a year now, and it's wearing on you. Please, baby...stop trying to do it all alone. Stop trying to prove to me, you, and everyone else how tough you are." Fox cupped the younger man's cheek, letting his thumb brush back and forth across the stubbled surface. "Give me all the bad stuff you've been lugging around for so long."

"It's a lot bad stuff," Alex answered just above a whisper.

"I don't care. Dump it all on me; that's what I'm here for." Fox moved in, covering the younger man's mouth in a tender kiss. "Let me carry you."

Alex leaned into Fox's embrace, tucking his head under the older man's chin, and for the first time in several months, he let go of the pain he'd held so tightly to.

Fox tightened his arms around his lover as his body began to shudder and muffled sobs broke past his lips. "Let go of it," he whispered into Alex's hair. "I got you..."

The muffled sobs turned to louder, heart-wrenching wails and continued without cessation for nearly twenty minutes.

Fox let Alex cry himself to exhaustion, shedding his own silent tears, and when the other man was through, he held him quietly, unsure of whether or not he was asleep. When Alex shifted and took a couple of shaky breaths, Fox pulled back and looked down into severely bloodshot eyes. He gave the younger man a sweet, sympathetic smile.

"Your nose is running."

He reached over to the nightstand and plucked a couple of tissues from the box, folding them in half and holding them to Alex's nose.

"Blow."

The absurdity of the moment brought a tiny smile to Alex's lips as he obeyed the soft command.

Fox discarded the tissue and turned back to face the other man. "How do you feel?" he asked, brushing some residual moisture from the sable lashes.

"Worn out," Alex croaked.

"But a little better maybe?"

"Yeah, I guess." Alex closed his eyes, letting the steady beat of his lover's heart lull him and provide the strength he needed to do what he had to do. "I uh...I guess we should talk about that letter."

Fox remained silent, waiting.

"I'm s...I'm sorry, lisa, I tore it into little pieces and threw it away."

Fox kissed Alex's forehead. "Are you thinking about talking to him?"

"I still don't want to, but you're right. I should or it'll eat me alive. But I destroyed the envelope with his address." Fox's conspicuous silence made him look up into the older man's eyes. "You memorized it, didn't you?"

Fox displayed a sheepish grin. "You know how information just sort of sticks in my head."

Alex closed his eyes, attempting to hide the glimmer of disappointment. "Yeah, I know."

"You okay?"

The thick curtain of lashes rose, and Alex fixed a determined if bleary-eyed gaze on his lover. "Not entirely. But I will be."

"I think we may be turning a corner," Fox informed the younger man, hugging him tightly.

"We're not gonna run smack into a brick wall, are we?" Alex asked warily.

"Nooo. Everything's going to be fine. I'm not saying that it'll be easy, but it *will* turn out okay. Just remember to hang on to me." Fox felt Alex's arms tighten around him as the younger man pressed impossibly closer, and he smiled a contented smile. "Think you can go to sleep now?"

Alex nodded, sighing softly. "I think so...I love you, Fox."

Fox's smile grew brighter. "I love you, sweetheart."

A few minutes passed in silence, and Fox thought Alex might have fallen asleep, but the younger man shifted and lifted his head.

"What'd you do with my gun?"

"I put it back where it belongs."

"Get it out of there, Fox."

"Hmm?"

"Hide it. Lock it up someplace, and don't tell me where it is."

"Why?"

"I've almost shot you twice because of this shit. I think it's a good idea if you took my gun...at least until we're sure I'm completely over this."

Fox kissed the younger man's head. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"All right, babe."

"Now, okay?"

Fox hesitated, hating to commit the act of distrust, but Alex insisted again, and he slid out of bed and did as the younger man asked. When he'd hidden the weapon away, he returned to his lover, wrapping him securely in his arms.

"Feel better?"

"Knowing I can't blow your head off in my sleep? Yeah, I feel a little better."

"You wouldn't do that."

"We don't know that for sure, and I'd really rather not find out."

Fox scattered a number of kisses in the damp, sable hair and hugged Alex to him. "Okay, babe. You don't have to worry about it now."

"Yeah. Now I can worry about other stuff."

"It's going to be fine," Fox whispered, petting his lover's hair. "I promise."


End file.
